NikiJJones

I'm trying to decide what to do about work and getting in a real state about it. I discovered my little one was dead at the weekend. I'm a teacher so luckily I'm off school this week, but should be back on Monday. I'm not going to be in any fit state by then, so am going to need time off. Noone at work knew I was pregnant. In fact some knew I was having trouble conceiving and was going for fertilty testing. (I got pregnant the very month all the tests started). I'm obviously going to have to tell my boss what has happened, but I can't decide whether to ask to tell everyone else or not. It sounds weird, but I feel like I'm being selfish if I insist they all know: like I'm inflicting my hurt on them too. Most of them are either pregnant or have very young babies, and I feel like I'm going to cloud their joy with my misery. But I'm worried if they don't know, people may say stuff which will upset me.
What did everyone else do? I need some advice. I'm so confused at the moment.

Sambatiki

Hi hun,

Im sorry for your loss.

Personally I told close work collegues as I knew that I would have my up and down days and would need their support mon-fri 9 til 5. My boss has two small children of her own and found that she was very understanding. Although I didn't want ppl to pussy foot around me I knew that I would be very sensitive and that the smallest of problem would bring me to tears. I have never felt ashamed or embarassed about ppl knowing about my mc as I know there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome. If anything I have found it helpful.

I don't know your collegues like you do but with the chances of MC as high as 1 in 3 chances are that one of your collegues has been where we are now. Im sure none of them that are preg would be upset if you told them.

Good luck hun I lost my angel 5 weeks ago on saturday and it does get easier just got to take it 1 step at a time.

We're all here if you need to get anything off your chest



Kerry

trishawootton

sorry to hear of you loss hun xxxxx loadsa hugs thinking of you and you family

i think its best for u u to ask your boss to tell them because it is hard enuf time to have to go through as it is with out ppl askin how ttc is goin

again loadsa hugs xxxxxxx

p.s i only told my boss and no collegues so when i went back to work i had ppl asking how me and lo is and i had to explain everything to them which i found really upsetting and hard to do xxxx

JASMAK

Well, my work found out (unfortunately) both times. The first time...I told everyone, including my then 4 year old son....who told his daddy that we were having a baby. BIG mistake. He took it HARD...and is still dealing with it (his stuffed animals will be "babies" and he will say one died). Anyways, I also told work (70 or so employees). I had never m/c before, I had two kids...I didn't think I would m/c. Well, I did. I took a week off...went away with the fam. Came back to work, and when they asked how the pregnancy was going...or whatever...some would pat my tummy...I would have to tell them. Then I would end up consoling them because they felt so awful.

Second time, my boss told one person, that person told another, and that person told that person....and I started getting facebook messages...of hugs, etc. I knew something was up. I was pretty bitter to hear that my whole work knew ( I hadn't told my work I was even PG that time...or even my parents!!!)

Again, I was the one soothing people, telling them that I was OK.


My opinion...tell one close person...so you have support...someone who can vault it tho...and keep it under wraps until you are stable enough to have rude comments, and are able to assure everyone that you are a-okay...because that is what THEY want to hear.

It's a toughie. (hugs)

NikiJJones

Thanks for your ideas here. I think I'll ask my boss to tell just the staff in my department while I'm off next week. That way, they won't all be asking me what was wrong with me when I'm back. If you believe them, they all got pregnant first month of trying and none miscarried, but maybe I'll discover that someone else has been through this too.
Sorry to hear about all your losses too.

owo

I hope you are doing ok today.
My husband called my boss when we got the bad news as i wasn't returning to work straight away. He then told the people i work with so they wouldn't ask any awkward questions. I think it is good that they know because when i'm having down moments they know why.

Sambatiki

I really felt for my DF as we had our engagement party the day we lost LO. He'd got really excited when we found out that I was preg that he'd told most of his work friends. So he spent most of the night catching people before they got to me to tell them the bad news. It was lovely of him to do that as Im not sure how I would have coped if people started asking me how the baby was. I couldn't thank DF enough for the support he has given esp as I know how much he wanted to be a daddy.

I think we forget sometimes about how difficult it must be for partners.



Kerry

Happy

I told a few senior members of staff at work and that was it. I started bleeding at work and had to leave for the hospital so i had to tell someone. It was hard coming back though, with everyone asking if I was ok and what was wrong. I wouldn't have it any other way though I'm glad I didn't tell everyone at work.

WW1

I'm a teacher as well and I told my boss and a couple of other colleagues. I said to my boss that if anyone asked why I was off work to tell them the truth. That way, the word would go round but I wouldn't have to be the one to tell them.

I've found that most people don't seem to know or are being very sensitive. Those that do have been extremely supportive and several have told me they've been in the same boat. I've found it really helpful for people to know - they've been amazing.

I hope your day has been okay x