NikiJJones

I'm finding the "it wasn't meant to be" one really hard. My husband and family have nearly all said it, and it makes me really angry. As far as I'm concerned it was meant to be. I was desperate for a child for 3 years since my body clock kicked in big style. How can anyone say it wasn't meant to be? My husband keeps telling me "It's nature's way of telling us it's not the right time". This one hurts too. I don't think there's anything anyone can say really that is right. A hug is the best thing, altough it makes me cry.
I'm dreading what kind of things I'll get when I'm back at work too, especially from the primary school kiddies I teach, who won't know what's happened, and will incessantly ask me where I've been etc and what was wrong. I'm dreading crying in lessons, but I'm sure it's not appropriate to tell 6 and 7 year olds what has happened.

Faerie

I've also been subject to the "are you all better now?" question from a colleague, to which I replied "I didn't have a cold, I lost a baby, so no I'm not all better".

I know people are well meaning, but especially when you've been trying so hard to have a baby nothing anyone says is going to make you feel better. I think a hug from a good friend and a "I'm here for you" is the most anyone can do. I think colleagues should just let you know that if you need a break you can take it, my colleagues were very much "well I just hope you won't be taking any more time off now". *******s.

Perhaps none of my babies were meant to be, I've since found out I had a condition that probably meant that each and every one of them had no chance as my body poisoned them. Having had surgery last month I now hope my body won't reject anymore, but even if they weren't meant to be, they were still my babies and very much wanted.

maccy

I'm also a Primary School teacher, just tell them that you had an upset tummy, that seems to work, I know i's not the truth but I did have some pains for a while after, the nurses said that your cervix will contract back so they are like after pains so if you do happen to hold your tummy they'll be none the wiser.

flump1

someone just said to me 'at least you can plan things better next time!!' like she thinks it was a good thing to happen.

No my baby was not planned but it was deffinately loved very much! just because it wasnt planned does not make it any easier.

NikiJJones

Thanks Maccy,
I'll use that one. I think the headteacher may want to tell the parents anyway if I'm off for a week. They seem to do this at my school for prolonged absence. To be honest, I'm happy for her to tell parents. They have been driving me insane asking me for years when I am going to start a family, so this would shut them up. Then it will be up to parents to tell their children if they see fit.
In class the "upset tummy" sounds like the best bet.
Niki xxxx

anita665

I was the same. I actually found comfort it knowing that my body was doing the right thing because it would have had something wrong with it and wasn't meant to be. At the same time I can understand why some people would be hurt by those kind of comments because everyone looks at it differently.

During my last pregnancy there was doubt over the health of my son and it got me thinking how hard it must be to face the decision to terminate. It made me feel angry that possibly my body wasn't doing what it should and that in my oppinion at least what I could have faced would have been far more painful than a miscarriage. In the end luckily he was just fine but having seen both sides I look at the whole experience very differently now.

NikiJJones

I've just had such a hurtful one. This from my husband's friend, passed onto me by my husband: "Your body just needed a practice run. It didn't get it quite right this time, just like some people don't pass their driving test first time, and you just need to have another go and maybe you'll get it right next time." Maybe It's late at night and I'm being oversenstitive, but I just sobbed about this one. It made me feel about an inch high. Like a real failure.

charveyron

I was told that I had a bad seed! NICE!

leeanne

Aww, those comments are awful! to all of you!

Guess the worst comment yet now looking back I have to laugh was when I miscarried with my first pregnancy.

We just had confirmation from the doctor that I was pregnant and very early the next morning I awoke and had bad cramps and bleeding. Obviously a miscarriage.

About an hour later I went in and told my OH. He put his arm around me and then said "Do you want to have sex?" WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyhow, he didn't really realize the situation because afterwards I was very emotional, he was not understanding and ignorant, and he went upstairs (his mom lived upstairs) to complain to her. She was down in a shot, giving me hugs, a hot water bottle, etc. That was when reality hit for him but yet it was still no biggie to him.

He's really grown up since!

cheeselover

Hey NickiJJones, I am a teacher of 6 and 7 year old too and think maccy is spot on with saying you had an 'upset tummy' for that age group. I had a week off and a few parents were told (the ones that I see everyday). It saved alot of 'are you better now' and 'what was wrong' questions. I had a few mums come and give me a hug at the end of the day which was nice. I was in tears for most of the first morning but in our job it is fortunate that there are so many distractions that it makes it a bit easier. I just didnt have any time to dwell once I got into the swing of it. The person who covered my class however thought it beneath them to mark any work for the whole week!!! Grrrrr!! It took me another week to catch up on that!