hi all, im home from hospital now,
in abit of discomfort but nothing too bad, feel extremely calm due the anxiety stuff they gave me which im glad of cus im finding it easier,
just going to rest up for a few days now and take some time with my family to recover, we are going to book a holiday for in a few weeks as it gives us something to look forward to,
and weve decided we wont try again until next year now to give my body time to heal, we are getting married in may so we will start TTC after that
just counting my blessings really that i have my beautiful son to make the days easier and my wonderful OH to make the nights easier, i just want to take a while to appriciate what i do have before we get back on the wagon, thankyou everybody for giving me much needed support, xxxx

i like what you said about taking the time to appreciate what you have sorry for your loss, but happy you have so much in your life to be thankful for

Hi Booth,

Glad your doing ok, we've also decided to take a break and we're not going to be trying until Aug/Sept.

I had a bit of a bad morning today and kept crying on and off.. but I'm feeling better now.

Hubby is taking me out on a date tonight to cheer me up.

xxx

Aviolet- thankyou, I feel a little guilty for moping really when some ladies have lots of mc before having a baby, and I have Jesse so at least in a way I know my body can produce a healthy baby and this was just the way things were meant to be, xxx
chimpette - I havnt gone a day without crying yet though it's not every 5 minutes like the first 2 days, I think the painkillers are helping me as they are making me abit zombie like and numb but I prefer that as I am finding it easier to cope, sometimes it does hit me and make me well up but I am finding it easier to control as the days go on, I thik I'm in denial really, it's only been 4days since we found out and it's all over already, it feels like weeks ago, cry as much as you need to Hun, it's the least
you can do for yourself, sorry to be cheeky but how has your OH taken it? Mine seems to be taking it worse than me and he feels terrible that he cant be more of a comfort to me and its me telling him that it will be okay, I just keep saying to him it's just as much his baby that we lost and he has just as much right to be sad, he isn't an emotional person and iv never seen him upset before, it breaks my heart it really does xx

just wanted to add please don't feel guilty for your grief this baby you lost is still unique and you have a right to mourn even though you have a healthy child to physically hold hugs for both you and your OH who is also feeling the grief.

I don't know I just feel abit selfish really cus I am very lucky compared to some other ladies in this section, my mum told me the main reason her and my dad divorced was because of her mc and the breakdown in communication just made them grow apart, she has kept saying to both me and OH please please talk to each other and don't hide your feelings, and alot of people have said it's good in a way that he can show how upset he is to me cus alot of men tend to hold it in,
we have said though our next baby will always be our 3rd baby to us, and hiro (what we nicknamed the baby) will always be our 2nd child, were gunna get a box soon to put the outfit we bought him and the scan printout and stuff to keep it all together, we have a baby box for jess so we will have one for hiro too, we have hedgehog tattoos for Hesse cus when he was born he had loads of spikey hair and made snuffly noises lol, and we said we would have a different matching tattoo for each baby, well the outfit we bought him had the hungry caterpillar on it, so were going to get a little caterpillar tattoo each in a few weeks, I'm rambling now but it helps to get it off my mind really everyone on here has helped me so much don't think I could be as together as I feel without your support and I will never forget it! xxx

Hey Booth,

That's a lovely idea to get tattoo's. I'm also getting one but I'm getting 2 stars with halo's round for peanut and Beanie (that's what we called ours).

My hubby is very much a hide it all inside kinda guy, but to deal with things he does diy, so all the jobs that I've been nagging him about for the past year have now been done in the space of 3 days...

I'm thinking that I'm going to need another D & C as my body just doesn't seem to let go of the babies after they have died... I stopped losing yesterday and this morning i'm losing again but not alot. This happened last time as well and nothing had come out after 4 days of bleeding, and then it stopped.

I feel more guilty that I can't give my son a brother/sister, and it upsets me to think that I might never give him one. My SIL had a little boy on friday and my oldest friend is due 1 week after my baby would have been due that I lost at christmas, and my best friend is due 2 weeks after my baby would have been due that I lost on tuesday.... Whats the chances of that...???

xxx

God I wish my hubby would do some diy lol I want my living room decorating! Lol,
don't you feel guilty hun, your will give your son a baby brother or sister it wasn't meant to be just yet, don't give up hope cus you have proof right there you can have a healthy baby and when you feel ready to try again I'm sure everything will be just perfect! I am so glad I got the D&C cus I really don't think I coildve coped with bleeding and knowing I was losing my baby, definatly the best option for me and if this happens to me again it's definatly what I would do again,
I am in abut of pain feels like early labour pains or the afterpains after having a baby, but I'm not bleeding at all which is good, I feel very weak though! We are all here for you honey if you need to talk, please don't feel guilty because this is not your fault, I don't know if this will help you but I sort of feel comforted in a way that cus the odds are 1in5 there's gunna be four ladies now who will have healthy babies cus iv took one for the team so to speak, might not help you but it helps me
in a way xxx

Forgot to say, I am only 20 so with jess i was the first one to have a baby, but this time everyone seems to be pregnant, 3 friends due in may, 1 in july and 1 in august! And at least 2 I know of that are ttc, I don't feel jealous though oddly enough though I didn't take kindly to my mums friend saying how sorry she was to me after I know she's had like 8 terminations I felt like telling her were to go lol, and when I was in hospital I kept seeing pregnant women outside smoking (quit as soon as I found out I was pg like I did with jess though understandably started again!) I felt like giving them a good slap and saying how dare they risk their babies life! I had 1 cigarette while pregnant this time and felt terribly guilty but worked out the baby had already died when I smoked it, xx

Hey hun, glad things seem to be sorting them selves out for you, its amazing how quickly our bodies can cope with such huge changes. I am just sorry you had to go through all this xxx

Part of the way i cope with it all is that yes it was horrible news and of cause i was very upset but someone somewhere was getting worse news and having a worse day then me. I am thankful for the fact i have a DH who adores me a family who love me friends who support me and work mates who are understanding. I managed to get a baby to 8 weeks and there is nothing wrong with the plumbing or housing so i can try again, some women dont even get this far. SO i can relate to you when you say that you count your blessings.