shmoo75

i am so sorry to hear of your loss. I think you are so brave and, I am glad to hear that you are starting to get back to some sort of normalacy. I'm also sorry to hear about your sister it is really crappy timing. You will get a soon I just know it.

NickyT75

Thanks everyone

I just feel like this has really set me back in terms of coping with losing Sophie.

I guess I was hoping to come back from holiday pregnant so that when I go back to work on monday & have to face everyone for the 1st time I wouldn't be as upset cos I'd know I was pregnant again & had something to look forward to

I want a baby so bad I just don't know how i'm gonna cope with the disappointment of arriving each month. I feel really disheartened as I thought we were supposed to be extremely fertile after M/c & we relaxed while we were away but everyday so i thought we had a good chance of success. I EVEN TOUCHED A FERTILITY STATUE HOPING TO HELP THINGS ALONG!!!

My 1st A/F came exactly 5 wks after I lost Sophie but i didn't notice any signs of Ovulation so I guess I must've ovulated before we went on holiday/before we'd resumed & I must've been too upset to notice cm etc...

Its really weird though... as usually my boobs get really sore before A/F & I get really bad stomach cramps & back ache but this time I've had nothing!!

The only way I know was here was the small amount of blood I had for 4 days... TMI ALERT!! I only used 5 tampons the entire time which is MUCH less than usual.

Does anyone know if this is normal for 1st ? I was expecting it to be heavier & more painful than normal, but if i'd blinked this month I probably would've missed it! Lol

Love Nicky xx

maccy

Hi Nicky glad to see you back, sorry you didn't get your BFP, but it will happen. x I think it can vary from being really light to really heavy. I haven't had mine yet so will just have to wait. A lot of us from this board have now moved over to WTTC, come join us hun. xxxx

poppy

Hi Nicky,

I am so, so sorry to hear about what happened to your little girl. I remember reading your posts a couple of months ago - you have been through so much. I really hope things get better for you really soon. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

xxx

NickyT75

Thanks girls

I'm really hoping to get my BFP this next month... I'm thinking that maybe the lining of my womb wasn't thick enough to sustain a pregnancy this month (as my period was really really light) so I should be back to normal now.

Im still taking my pre natal vitamins & Agnus Castus until i ovulate & I'm charting my temps so I should be able to work out when that is.

I'm coming to terms with my sisters news & trying to be here for her, but I really hope I get pregnant soon cos it'll definitely get harder for me to cope with the further along she gets.

I went back to work yesterday but only managed to stay till lunchtime & ended up taking the day off today - I couldn't even drag myself out of bed till 1o'clock!!
I am feeling really down & don't feel like i've got a reason to get up in the morning, i've lost all interest in my career & my heart just isn't in it anymore.

I'm gonna force myself to go tomorrow as much as I dont want to - cos I know I need to get back to some sort of normality ASAP.

Sorry I'm just waffling on now aren't I?

Nicky xx

Snowball

Aw Nicky hun

It's so soon since your loss. I am a few weeks ahead of you in this nightmare and it's still very raw for me. Like you I'm throwing myself into ttc again because looking towards the future is the only thing you can do right now.

Have you been over to SANDS? I honestly find it so helpful there.

Sue xxxx

NickyT75

Hi Sue

Yes i've been on a few times but haven't really posted as there is so much sadness there - I don't really feel like i deserve sympathy from people who have so much to deal with already... i'm scared to post & end up feeling rejected i guess?

I lit a candle for Beau a while ago tho hun xx

NikiJJones

Hi Nicky,
I've just been reading about your ordeal. So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been for you. I'm TTC after MC too, and wishing you all the best and hoping you get a very soon.
You have done so well to get through this so far. You truely deserve lots of .
xxxx

JASMAK

I am so very sorry for the loss of your little girl, Sophie. What a beautiful name. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow in your heart. I can almost feel some of that pain in your words. We are here for you... (hugs)

Mamafy

Hope you're doing ok hun, give yourself time..xxx