oh Nicky i'm so so sorry 4 ur loss. Only time will heal ur pain!! Love and hugs. xx

Im so so sorry for your loss xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss, it takes a strong person to go through something as heartbreaking as what you have had to suffer. Failure is the last word I would use, your bravery is an inspiration

Hi everyone

I need to go to the doctors soon & im literally terrified of leaving the house!

I'm only going for a sick note so it's pretty straightforward but I haven't been out alone since coming out of hospital & i'm feeling quite panicky about having to go through what happened with a doctor I haven't met before.

I've never been an anxious person but suffered a couple of panic attacks whilst I was still in hospital & I really hope that doesn't mean I'll be more prone to them in future. It's really hard to explain but I really felt like I was going to die from a heart attack or something? I couldn't breathe & felt like I was going to pass out.

I dont wanna get any anti depressants or anything but I don't think i'm coping very well at the moment, I hate to even admit this but I had some very dark thoughts yesterday. xx

oh hunny I would talk honestly to the dr about how you feel, if you need anti-depressants you need them...if you had a chest infection you'd take antibiotics...right? Whatever gets you through but really only time is the healer

I'm thinking of you lots
xxxx

oh hun.....

you must go to the docs......they can help both pyhsically and emotionally.....
i know that leaving the house is so tough, let alone speaking to friends or family.Hubby and I needed time for us before we told the people who knew....

you need to heal, but it will take some time...

take care of yourself though......

Thanks hun

I didn't wanna have to explain everything to the doctor but I ended up having a panic attack whilst I was there so there was no way I could hide it!

He's given me some Diazepam for the anxiety & also some mood stabilizers, I didn't really wanna go down this route but I DEFINITELY dont wanna continue the way I have been feeling so I guess it's worth a try eh?

Thanks everyone for caring xx

I don't think you are depressed, hunni. Only you know how you really feel and how you are coping, but you need to distinguish between pain/trauma and a psychological/emotional depressive disorder... It is only normal to feel devastated following such a collosal loss - Do not think that you are not coping well or that you will need antidepressents because you feel so indescribably rotten - You've just lost a child, and I feel so deeply for you and what you must be going through. Try to remember that nobody feels that they are 'coping well' when they are grieving, but grieving and mourning in themselves are ways of coping - The fact that you are feeling these emotions and deeling with them now (rather than pushing them aside and trying just to get on with things etc..) in itself means that you are taking steps towards getting there (there being a place when you can look forward to the future and feel a little less heart broken at your loss...) You are doing no worse than can be expected - you are doing well. You are a strong person, hun - even when you feel so weak you think you're going to break - remember, you are still here and you have not broken.

Things will get better with time, and although you will never forget or stop loving or missing your little baby who passed away far too soon, you will start to live your life again, and to think fondly of your little angel... Although you will always miss them, they will live in your heart forever.

I hope all of this makes sence and doesn't upset you. I don't know how to word what I mean - It's all so abstract - the feelings and experiences that accompany miscarriage and the loss of a child are just so indescribable. There are no words. I can't well describe or explain how, but things will get better. Please trust me on that, and look forward to a time where your heart does not ache so much, but smiles, at the fond memory of your gorgeous little baby.

Many hugs and best wishes in this difficult time, x

Oh I'm so sorry my dear, there is nothing that I can say that can ease this pain.. My deepest sympathies, just know that you're daughter will always be there to watch over you and make sure you're okay, .. Sometimes when I lose somebody I talk to them through my prayers, it might sound cheezy but it really does help. Best of luck to you in the future.