Hi all, I feel a rant coming on, so apologies in advance

I found out I was pregnant on boxing day, after only one month of TTC. Although a bit shocked that it had all happened so quickly, we were really pleased and excited. As the days went by though, I felt something wasn't right, and although DH said I was just being paranoid, I couldn't rest.

At 6 weeks I persuaded him to let me have a private scan to put my mind at rest. It didn't go well though, and they said that either my dates were wrong or the baby had stopped growing at 5. They asked me to come back 2 weeks later, which was obviously an agonising wait. At that appointment they confirmed that I'd had a MMC.

I saw my GP the next day and he set out my options. We were so upset we decided to go for the D&C just because we thought it would bring the quickest conclusion to the trauma, and allow us to move on quickly. That was on a Friday, and they booked me in for the D&C on the following Monday, 8th Feb.

The op itself was fine and nowhere near as bad as I imagined. Afterwards, I ached for a bit and bled quite a lot, but wasn't in too much pain until 4 days later, when the pain became unbearable. At this point I was away from home so went to the local emergency Dr who referred me to A&E. After 9 hours of waiting, I was admitted and given an antibiotic drip for endometreitis - an infection in my womb caused by the D&C. I was in agony, but the antibiotics helped. The following day a checkup scan showed possible residue of the fetal tissue, but as they couldn't be sure this wasn't just bleeding and/or infection, I was told to go back for a follow up scan at my home hospital 2 weeks later.

In the interim I had more antibiotics, and the bleeding and cramps disappeared to almost nothing. So I convinced myself that I was all fixed, particularly when yesterday an ultrasensitive HPT confirmed that my HCG was now back to 0.

But today I went for the scan, only to be told that, judging by the scan pictures they gave me 2 weeks ago, nothing has changed at all, and there is 'residue of the products of conception'. Nice. Seemingly the 1st Dr 'missed a bit' during the D&C, which is unlucky, but happens in about 1% of all cases. As if I hadn't had enough bad luck already.

So now I have to wait ANOTHER 2 and a half weeks to find out whether the tissue disappears on its own, or whether a whole new D&C is needed.

But I just don't think I can do this any more. I need it just to be over, and don't know how I'm going to cope with yet another wait and possibly another op. I am exhausted and ground down to my lowest ever. I really wanted this to be it, and for everything to get back to normal so that we could start trying again. Instead I feel like I'm losing at least another month, if not more by the time I'm recovered from the 2nd D&C. I explained this to the Dr and he said if I wanted he would do the D&C now, but that his advice was that there was a 50% chance it wouldn't be needed, so he recommended I wait.

I'm also stressed about having more time off work, and the fact that it's taking its toll on our marriage too. I've just had enough and feel like a complete wreck.

But I know I've got to take his advice, he did seem really nice and I know lots of doctors wouldn't have stuck their neck out to even advise a course of action - most we've seen have just said 'These are your options, it's your choice'.

I know I sound like a petulant, spoilt child, but I just can't get past thinking 'It's not fair'. As if going through the MMC isn't bad enough, this is just beyond awful. And there seems to be no benchmark as to what's normal after a D&C, so it really is just 'sit and wait'. I'm getting a LOT of rusty coloured cm midmorning every day - is that normal? Does it mean that my body is getting rid of the tissue or trying to retain it?? No one seems to know and I'm just left here going out of my mind.

And to top it all I've started with cramps again this afternoon. It might be the aftereffects of YET ANOTHER internal scan, but I can't help worry there's something much bigger that's wrong here.

Why does it have to be so difficult?? I am so fed up of the whole sorry mess.

Sorry for the rant but really needed to let off steam.

Hi ya. I am so sorry for your loss and all the pain and heartache that you have had to endure since the mmc. I had a natural miscarriage at home (although I was booked in for ERPC). 2 days later I had the most awful cramps and ended up in A&E too. They did a scan and saw some residue tissue that was passing. They said the pain was because my womb was trying exceptionally hard to remove it. Maybe your pain now is your womb contracting to push out the last bit?
I hate the wording of my message but this is the only way I can put it.
Once again, I am so sorry and really hope that this all ends as quickly as possible for you
xxx

Thanks Blondie - fingers crossed you're right
x

to you hunnie


no your do NOT sound like a spoilt child! at all!it isnt fair that your baby died at all!

i hope this all goes quickly and as pain free as possible for you hunnie, your in my thoughts. Take your time to grieve hun, your angel is watching over you
xxx

Hi Eeek

So sorry you're going through this, sometimes it just doesn't all work out as easily as you hoped, as if we've not gone through enough already. I started a post at the time when I was at my lowest but am happy to say that I'm now on CD25 and ovulated bang on time at CD15. It took a while to get there and longer then I hoped but I did get there evenutually.

Take a look if you get chance

7 weeks after D&C and I think it's finally finished

Ar hunni, so sorry yr going thru this. You so do not sound like a spoilt child hun - it's not fair!!!! You shouldnt have to go thru this again!!!! Once uve had D and C u just wanna get on with life and deal with everything thats happened!! Poor u babes......we;re all here for u to rant at tho if u need to !! x x