Having such a tough time...blighted ovum/empty sac

kstan · Feb 15th, 2010, 09:26 AM

I had D and C a week today as I had a blighted ovum with no signs anything was wrong until my 8 weeks scan. My gestational sac grew and grew but no baby ever did. I feel like I cannot/should not grieve as there was never a baby that I could see on the screen as the nurse says with a blighted ovum the baby never does develop past 5/6 weeks so is never big enough to the naked eye to see.(To me that interprets there never really was a baby.) So many of the women on here lose their angels at later stages and I can totally understand how you could grieve the loss of an actual baby that you could see but how do I grieve my blighted ovum without feeling guilty? I could cry all day until my tears ran out but feel so stupid for crying over an empty sac!

debgreasby · Feb 15th, 2010, 09:35 AM

Hunni, as soon as you get that BFP your baby is real. You plan for the future, you imagine what your child would be like.

You have just as much right to grieve as anyone else, and if you don't you'll screw yourself up.

Take your time, cry if you want to, eat chocolate till you're sick, whatever works for you.

Take care hunni, we're all here for you xxx

everthingX · Feb 15th, 2010, 09:59 AM

Oh huni :O( dont be soo hard on yourself, of course you have lost your baby. You have been through an awful shock and emotional rollercoaster these last few weeks, awful awful time. Grieve and let it all out end of the day you have lost your baby which you were planning for your future, big hugs and comfort xx

aviolet · Feb 15th, 2010, 11:20 AM

^^ they are right. You have every right to grieve - in fact you really need to!! Otherwise you can't heal. Your baby was real... a day, a week, a month, a year, does not matter what stage or how old, your baby and your dreams were real, especially in your heart. lots of hugs. we are all here for you

kstan · Feb 15th, 2010, 14:10 PM

Thanks.....It's soo hard. One day Im full of all these things Im gonna achieve and offering advise to everyone else then BANG, I cant control the tears! I wish I could take my own advice. I just dont know how yr supposed to get over this. I have the added stress of being made redundant and the last thing I wanna do is look for jobs!!! Arrrggghhhhh!!!

aviolet · Feb 15th, 2010, 15:06 PM

I don't think you ever get over something like this.... you just learn how to handle the pain... with a lot of patience. feeling the emotions you need to feel (sad or happy). and honoring the memory of your child as it might help you. the added stresses of everyday life worsens the struggle, I know

but hold onto hope that things will work out as they should

everthingX · Feb 15th, 2010, 17:48 PM

Sorry to hear about the redundancy hun, just what you need!! I hope something comes up for you soon. xx

JJF · Feb 15th, 2010, 20:20 PM

I've had 3 blighted ovums (I also have 3 children

) and each one was an emotional roller coaster and OF COURSE in my mind they were babies even though they are termed 'blighted ovums' but I understand what you are saying. I had my best friend once ask me why I wasn't 'getting over it' more easily (the 3rd MC) and that truely hurt because these were my babies

It will get easier but there are many days I think of my angel babies. Good luck to you-

kstan · Feb 16th, 2010, 13:17 PM

Thanks ladies! You're all so fab! x x

SaraQuinn · Aug 3rd, 2011, 03:46 AM

I have been reading forums over the last couple of days but never registered before now. I just don't know who else to talk to. I discovered at my first scan this week that I have a blighted ovum. I am 11 weeks. I was so shocked to hear that my body had gone through all the motions of pregnancy but no embryo. I feel stupid that I have gone through all the symptoms of early pregnancy from nausea to larger sore boobs when there was never a baby inside me. I am so devastated but feel guilty as I have not actually lost a baby and so many women go through worse. I have to go to the hospital today to start a medically managed miscarriage with pills and I am terrified

Feb 15th, 2010, 09:26 AM	#1
kstan Other BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North West Posts: 3,368	Having such a tough time...blighted ovum/empty sac I had D and C a week today as I had a blighted ovum with no signs anything was wrong until my 8 weeks scan. My gestational sac grew and grew but no baby ever did. I feel like I cannot/should not grieve as there was never a baby that I could see on the screen as the nurse says with a blighted ovum the baby never does develop past 5/6 weeks so is never big enough to the naked eye to see.(To me that interprets there never really was a baby.) So many of the women on here lose their angels at later stages and I can totally understand how you could grieve the loss of an actual baby that you could see but how do I grieve my blighted ovum without feeling guilty? I could cry all day until my tears ran out but feel so stupid for crying over an empty sac!

Status: Offline

Feb 15th, 2010, 09:35 AM	#2
debgreasby Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Sutton in Ashfield, Notts Posts: 5,561	Hunni, as soon as you get that BFP your baby is real. You plan for the future, you imagine what your child would be like. You have just as much right to grieve as anyone else, and if you don't you'll screw yourself up. Take your time, cry if you want to, eat chocolate till you're sick, whatever works for you. Take care hunni, we're all here for you xxx

Status: Offline

Feb 15th, 2010, 09:59 AM	#3
everthingX Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 808	Oh huni :O( dont be soo hard on yourself, of course you have lost your baby. You have been through an awful shock and emotional rollercoaster these last few weeks, awful awful time. Grieve and let it all out end of the day you have lost your baby which you were planning for your future, big hugs and comfort xx

Status: Offline

Feb 15th, 2010, 11:20 AM	#4
aviolet Other Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: USA Posts: 2,130	^^ they are right. You have every right to grieve - in fact you really need to!! Otherwise you can't heal. Your baby was real... a day, a week, a month, a year, does not matter what stage or how old, your baby and your dreams were real, especially in your heart. lots of hugs. we are all here for you

Status: Online

Feb 15th, 2010, 14:10 PM	#5
kstan Other BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North West Posts: 3,368	Thanks.....It's soo hard. One day Im full of all these things Im gonna achieve and offering advise to everyone else then BANG, I cant control the tears! I wish I could take my own advice. I just dont know how yr supposed to get over this. I have the added stress of being made redundant and the last thing I wanna do is look for jobs!!! Arrrggghhhhh!!!

Status: Offline

Feb 15th, 2010, 15:06 PM	#6
aviolet Other Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: USA Posts: 2,130	I don't think you ever get over something like this.... you just learn how to handle the pain... with a lot of patience. feeling the emotions you need to feel (sad or happy). and honoring the memory of your child as it might help you. the added stresses of everyday life worsens the struggle, I know but hold onto hope that things will work out as they should

Status: Online

Feb 15th, 2010, 17:48 PM	#7
everthingX Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 808	Sorry to hear about the redundancy hun, just what you need!! I hope something comes up for you soon. xx

Status: Offline

Feb 15th, 2010, 20:20 PM	#8
JJF Other Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: USA-Atlanta, GA Posts: 1,320	I've had 3 blighted ovums (I also have 3 children ) and each one was an emotional roller coaster and OF COURSE in my mind they were babies even though they are termed 'blighted ovums' but I understand what you are saying. I had my best friend once ask me why I wasn't 'getting over it' more easily (the 3rd MC) and that truely hurt because these were my babies It will get easier but there are many days I think of my angel babies. Good luck to you-

Status: Offline

Feb 16th, 2010, 13:17 PM	#9
kstan Other BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North West Posts: 3,368	Thanks ladies! You're all so fab! x x

Status: Offline

Aug 3rd, 2011, 03:46 AM	#10
SaraQuinn Other New BnB member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1	Sad and scared I have been reading forums over the last couple of days but never registered before now. I just don't know who else to talk to. I discovered at my first scan this week that I have a blighted ovum. I am 11 weeks. I was so shocked to hear that my body had gone through all the motions of pregnancy but no embryo. I feel stupid that I have gone through all the symptoms of early pregnancy from nausea to larger sore boobs when there was never a baby inside me. I am so devastated but feel guilty as I have not actually lost a baby and so many women go through worse. I have to go to the hospital today to start a medically managed miscarriage with pills and I am terrified

Status: Offline

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Having such a tough time...blighted ovum/empty sac

Sad and scared