This birth story was never desitned to have a happy ending so please do not read if you are easily upset. I felt Beau still deserved his story to be told as he was born into this world like any other baby and he is still our little boy even though he is no longer with us.

I had a fall on Sunday at work. To be on the safe side I went into delivery suite where I had an emergency ultrasound and they found our baby's heartbeat so I was sent home and just told to rest.

Overnight I couldn't feel our baby move which started to worry me so first thing Monday morning I called the hospital. I was told to come in and they'd have a listen in to see if all was ok. I got in and the midwife put the doppler on my belly. 'There's your baby' she said, I was so relieved. Then she felt my pulse and realised what she could hear was in the same rythum. So once again I was rushed into the ultrasound room where it was confirmed our baby's heartbeat had stopped and he had passed away.

As I was 21 weeks pregnant this meant that our baby was only able to be removed by me delivering him. It was explained to us that I could wait a few weeks to see if I went into labour naturally or I could be induced. We decided we wanted to have the experience as short as possible so I was given a tablet to lower my hormones and sent home to return on Wednesday.

I got into hospital at 9am on Wednesday morning and the took my blood pressure and inserted a pessary at 9.20am to soften my cervix. Nothing happened so 3 hours later they inserted another pessary. After that I started getting period type pains which constantly got worse. The midwife gave me some pain killers to help me with the pain which didn't really do anything. All of a sudden I was getting really strong contractions which were coming really quickly, alot quicker than when I had our other children. I felt like I was never getting a break. These went on for about half an hour before I shouted at the midwife that I wanted an epidural (she refused to give me one the whole time I was there. Even though on Monday I was guaranteed whatever pain relief I asked for). She must have had enough of my moaning after a while because she went out to get the anethetist. She had been out of the room for about 30 seconds when I felt something at the top of my vagina, our baby was on his way.

I screamed at DH who pressed the emergency button to get the midwife back in. She came back and did an examination and it was indeed our little boy that I could feel. I pushed for about 10 mintues and felt our baby coming out. Then I felt a pop and realised that it wasn't our baby it was my waters breaking. Our baby followed shortly afterwards and was born at 15.25.

I tried to push the placenta out but it was stuck so I had to go into theatre where I was given a spinal block and had it manually removed. I was wheeled into recovery at about 17.00.

At 23.00 we finally got sent up to our room which was like a little flat with a double bed and kitchen so we didn't have to go out onto the wards. DH stayed with me and we had a bit of time alone to reflect on the day.

We named our little boy Beau although we decided it would be too upsetting to see him. We did however get the midwife to take photos which, when we feel emotionally ready, DH and I will look at them together. The hospital have made a little rememberance book for us with all of his details including a lock of his hair that fell out when he was being measured. His hair was dark brown.

We came home yesterday after I discharged myself as I just wanted to be home with our other two babies. I'm still very sore but I know that the physical wounds from this will heal a lot quicker than the emotional ones.

Can I just add that I have been told on several occasions that it is very rare for a baby to die from a woman falling and the hospital are not even totally sure that this is why our baby died so please do not panic if you do have a trip when pregnant, they are so well protected in there.

Thank you for everyones pm's and messages. You have all been so supportive to us throughout this difficult time.

Snowball,
God bless you and your beautiful Beau! I think you are a very strong woman! I have been thinking and praying for you! Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers! Sending you bunches of

I'm so sorry Snowball. My love and prayers have been with you this week xXx

thinking of you and your little Beau, sweet.

im so so sorry for your loss hun, i know from my own experiance of having to give birth at 17 weeks, that theres no words that will ease your pain.
i pray to god to bless you and your family and keep you strong!
i still havent looked at the pictures of my Evie and that was 3 months ago, there still in my draw as i cant face seeing it yet
i wish i could take your pain from you hun but i cant no one can.
someone once said to me grief is like being on a long train journey you cant get off you have to travel to the end and hopefully in time even though youl never fully get of that train you will learn to see the other surroundings.
my thoughts are with you xxx

I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, you, your family and your little angel will be in my prayers.

Snowball thank you so much for being strong & brave enough to share Beau's story with us...I have cried a river of tears for you & your family & I am praying that you are with people who love & care for you and will help you through this very difficult time. You are an amazing person & i admire your strength & dignity with all my heart. Take good care of yourself & pm me anytime if you need to talk

Dearest Snowball

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family darling.

Beau is such a beautiful name for an angel xxx

So so saddened to read your story. I know I've said it before but I'm truly sorry for your loss

Oh hun..
Im praying for you and your family and your beautiful little Beau.
I know you must be hurting more than I can imagine but im sure your children will help you through and help you to get stronger.
You are so brave to share your story with us, its humbled me.
I lost my baby on saturday and i was only eight weeks so I cant compare my pain with yours but I have just a glimmer of it and for that im devestated for you.
Stay strong and ill remember Beau in my prayers, your all in my thoughts and prayers.