Hey sweetheart...
I know its hard, and its completely understandable that you feel like this, but try not to blame yourself...
Belive me, i've blamed myself so much for loosing my two darlings. Especially with the first pregnancy and not knowing i was pregnant. I carried on with life as usual and lost the baby after 5 weeks. I felt like it was my fault for not taking care of myself. I'm overweight too, and am convinced that helped both miscarriages.
But after taking time out and thinking about it...i realised that there was nothing i could have done...they were just horrible accidents!.
Stay positive hun.
Always here if you need to talk...
Lots of love
xxxxxxx

Now listen to me honey.

I don't call myself a faithful Christian. In fact some of my antics sometimes would probably have me think the opposite. What I do believe is that everything happens for a reason. Even when we feel life can't get any worse, somehow it always seems to lift us out of some horribly dark corners. I lost a baby at almost 12 weeks, and the night I m/c I was in a nightclub. Yes, a nightclub - for many months I could not forgive myself for what I did to my baby. My DH told me, during one of my many nights of crying myself to sleep) that we have ourselves an angel watching over us, and when it comes time to welcome our baby in the world we have one extra set of hands with god helping to guide the little one into the world. I know it seems corney to some, and coming from my DH it meant the world to me, as he doesn't have a religious bone in his body.

There could have been something wrong with the pregnancy, it may have not been his time to come yet.

Trust me sweetie - you can blame yourself for the rest of your life, and things will never change. He will still be gone and you will have given your life to grief. Or you can remember that he is always with you, and although you may not hold him, you can always talk while he will listen.

Thanks all, and thanks neyney, i sometimes just get the WHAT IF days and i hate them, it feels so wrong some days when im laughing and having a good time, cause some people say"you are such a strong person to have gone thru what you have and still being able to enjoy life", Im like WTF so because of the hell i have been thru im can't have a good time.

All i can say is i miss my son so much and i would give anything to turn back the hands of time, but i can't, and now with non stop problems with my health after the loss, it is like a TTC rollercoaster touring thru hell

Hi, please don't blame yourself. Someone from my work who is over 40 smoked over 40 a day and drank nearly every day and she gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl. Try to turn this guilt into a goal instead. I gave up smoking 7 years ago and - believe me - it was the hardest thing i have EVER done! But, it is worth it. Honestly - after a few months the idea of a cigarette makes you want to vomit. Use that agression you have to focus and I know you will feel better. If I can do it - anyone can. Believe me - even smokeline once said i was not ready to quit! Now I am a fitness instructor and lost 3 stone of weight after quitting and I have never felt better. x

wowser, that baby was one lucky baby girl!
There's no point blaming anyone, whats happened happened, as sad as it is. All you can do is look to the future and try and make things as perfect as possible ttc.
I agree. Give up smoking. Use this to inspire you.

I also used to smoke. Loved it I did. But no more.