:'(

veganmum2be · Dec 10th, 2009, 18:39 PM

i just wanted to word this.

december 10th.
today i went to see you on that screen.
i looked at that screen but you weren't there.
the midwife said to me ''i'm sorry, its not good news''
and that wad it, i broke down.
that was at 7.30am. and i havent had an hour without tears sinse.
i'm still carrying my bean, though not alive.
you'll leave me on sunday.
i kinda dont want that to happen.
i know i'll have babies in the future.
but i wanted YOU bean.

i cant eat, i cant sleep i cant move, i'm just numb and feeling dead inside.
i only knew of my bean for 5 weeks, and every day was a blessing, i loved you already, i would have given ANYTHING for you to be born healthy in july.

today was 8 weeks
10 is xmas eve :'(
i was so happy.

bean, you were not with me long, but you'll forever be in my heart.

i have no idea how to get through this.
i had depression for years before this, but i'm feeling my lowest ever now.
i know this is probably pathetic.
but i just need to vent.

SmileyShazza · Dec 10th, 2009, 18:45 PM

Awww hun if it helps you then get it all out. We are all here and we understand what hyou are going through. We will never forget our beans no matter how long they were with us

~BumpyRide~ · Dec 10th, 2009, 19:23 PM

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I had a July bean too, and today is turning into a particularly dark day for me as well. Please keep venting and know you're not alone, no matter how much it feels like you are. Take care.

Serene123 · Dec 10th, 2009, 19:25 PM

I'm so, so sorry for your loss x

hannah76 · Dec 10th, 2009, 20:52 PM

so sorry for your loss

Klandagi · Dec 10th, 2009, 22:02 PM

*hugs* I lost my firefly too... I'm so sorry.

Drazic<3 · Dec 11th, 2009, 05:10 AM

Let it all out darling, however and whenever you need to. I have suffered with depression for years but known nothing like this ache. However, I promise whilst right now it feels it will never get better - it will. You will have up and down days and your baby will always be in your heart, but the pain will ease hunny.

Diggydog · Dec 11th, 2009, 05:47 AM

So sorry for your loss, xxxx

fluffyblue · Dec 11th, 2009, 06:40 AM

Aww hun what lovely words amongst so much pain you really did love that little one didnt ya.

It will get easier hunni but just make sure you are ready physically and emotionally for your treatment.

You will get through it and dont feel guilty about penning anysort of emotion, words, feelings etc thats what we are all here for.

Just take your time xxxx

I want a bump · Dec 11th, 2009, 06:48 AM

so sorry to hear of your loss hun - sending you massive hugs xxx

Dec 10th, 2009, 18:39 PM	#1
veganmum2be Waiting To Try (WTT) BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Middlesbrough Posts: 4,728	:'( i just wanted to word this. december 10th. today i went to see you on that screen. i looked at that screen but you weren't there. the midwife said to me ''i'm sorry, its not good news'' and that wad it, i broke down. that was at 7.30am. and i havent had an hour without tears sinse. i'm still carrying my bean, though not alive. you'll leave me on sunday. i kinda dont want that to happen. i know i'll have babies in the future. but i wanted YOU bean. i cant eat, i cant sleep i cant move, i'm just numb and feeling dead inside. i only knew of my bean for 5 weeks, and every day was a blessing, i loved you already, i would have given ANYTHING for you to be born healthy in july. today was 8 weeks 10 is xmas eve :'( i was so happy. bean, you were not with me long, but you'll forever be in my heart. i have no idea how to get through this. i had depression for years before this, but i'm feeling my lowest ever now. i know this is probably pathetic. but i just need to vent.

Status: Offline

Dec 10th, 2009, 18:45 PM	#2
SmileyShazza On a break (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire Posts: 5,357	Awww hun if it helps you then get it all out. We are all here and we understand what hyou are going through. We will never forget our beans no matter how long they were with us

Status: Offline

Dec 10th, 2009, 19:23 PM	#3
~BumpyRide~ Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 144	I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I had a July bean too, and today is turning into a particularly dark day for me as well. Please keep venting and know you're not alone, no matter how much it feels like you are. Take care.

Status: Offline

Dec 10th, 2009, 19:25 PM	#4
Serene123 Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 32,048	I'm so, so sorry for your loss x

Status: Offline

Dec 10th, 2009, 20:52 PM	#5
hannah76 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 4,824	so sorry for your loss

Status: Offline

Dec 10th, 2009, 22:02 PM	#6
Klandagi Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 504	hugs I lost my firefly too... I'm so sorry.

Status: Offline

Dec 11th, 2009, 05:10 AM	#7
Drazic<3 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Norfolk, England. Posts: 9,295	Let it all out darling, however and whenever you need to. I have suffered with depression for years but known nothing like this ache. However, I promise whilst right now it feels it will never get better - it will. You will have up and down days and your baby will always be in your heart, but the pain will ease hunny.

Status: Offline

Dec 11th, 2009, 05:47 AM	#8
Diggydog Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: essex Posts: 979	So sorry for your loss, xxxx

Status: Offline

Dec 11th, 2009, 06:40 AM	#9
fluffyblue On a break (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2009 Location: Birmingham UK Posts: 2,541	Aww hun what lovely words amongst so much pain you really did love that little one didnt ya. It will get easier hunni but just make sure you are ready physically and emotionally for your treatment. You will get through it and dont feel guilty about penning anysort of emotion, words, feelings etc thats what we are all here for. Just take your time xxxx

Status: Offline

Dec 11th, 2009, 06:48 AM	#10
I want a bump Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Lincolnshire (UK) Posts: 212	so sorry to hear of your loss hun - sending you massive hugs xxx

Status: Offline

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