Well there already is a "what not to say" thread so heres a what would be helpful to say thread! Everyones differant but heres what people have done for me and some things i would have like people to do that help.

Mostly its just a case of listening,letting them know your there for them and you sympathise for their loss.Dont tell them that you know someone who had a mc so you know how they feel.Tell them that your sorry for their loss.Send a card saying how much your thinking of them at this time and how your there if they need you.I got a few of these and they meant so very much to me, i also got gifts of angel related things which i thought were just beautiful.I was given flowers,candles,nail varnish sets to pamper myself with and hugs and every little thing helped me know that people cared no matter how small or big the gesture.

If you have children or are pregnant and are going to see them then leave the kids at home if you can, if you have a bump ask them before you go if they'd like to see you.Its nothing personal its just hard seeing others have what you have lost, it gets easier but it can be very difficult.If they have other children themselves then offer to babysit, so they can have some time to themselves.

Dont give up on them, after my loss i didnt want to leave the house or see anyone.I ignored my friends because i felt they didnt understand what i was going through, yes they didnt understand but they did care.The txts stopped after a while and it was extremely isolating.One friend hung in there and called to my house to see me, offered to bring over movies and stay in with me and also offered to take me for a short break to get away from things.Dont be offended if they do this, its just hard to go out and pretend nothings happened so offer to stay in with them and watch a movie or just have tea and a chat.

Realise that a loss is a loss no matter what the gestation of the baby.4 weeks or 40 this person has made plans for the future and these are now not going to happen and its heartbreaking mourning for the loss of a future you believe was going to be yours.Dont tell them they can just try again, its not that easy.No other baby will replace the one theyve lost and theres always going to be that empty space where that child should have been.They will probablly either be desperate to be pregnant again or not want to try again. Theres always the fear this could happen again,the intense worry that they will not ever have a child in their arms.

If they have named their baby then use this name, say it as much as you can.The worst thing you can do is pretend it didnt happen, talk about it, ask them about their baby and suggest ways in which they can remember them like memory boxes,balloon releases and tattoos.Yes they may be upset talking about it but they will come to a time when the tears stop being tears of sadness and are tears of rememberance.Feeling like everyone has forgotten about their baby is something i have heard a lot of people say and i have experianced myself.So say their name,talk about them, yes there may be tears but they will also appreciate it so much that you are thinking of their baby.

Hope that helps, and if anyone has any suggestions feel free to add them here

thanks hun its always good to know the things that help. ive never had children and never had that happen so when some1 brings that up i just never know what to say and have always thought most people wouldnt want it brought out with the babies name etc. but it does make since to me now. thank you

hun.. reading that made me cry.. im sorry for your loss and anyone else who has suffered a loss.. im really sorry

Thank you Anyone have any other suggestions? Thats just my personal feelings on it but everyones differant so any other ideas would be great