pea-in-pod

Hi girls,
I came over to just let it all out really. I'm on a crying break, which hopefully will last me long enough to get this post up!
I lost my babes at 12 weeks + 1 on Sunday. I really could not believe it. Although I miscarried before, it was many years ago, and I really did not think it would happen again. Everything was so different this time. It was planned, I was old enough for it, I have the support of my loving hubby. I felt completely well right throughout the whole 12 weeks, no morning sickness, just a bit grumpy some of the time!
So when I started to spot on Friday, I was quite surprised, I really did not expect to miscarry, and everything had been going swimingly. Its funny because even though I was telling myself "its just spotting, its probably nothing" I feel like in my heart I knew he was going (called him "he" right from the start as I felt he was a boy). Saturday night the bright red stuff came, and of course I just knew. The real shock didn't start till Sunday about 1pm, then I had 20 hours of blood and pain - I really never knew a miscarriage could be that bad. I've heard of so many people who have had them, but no one ever said it was so painful and that there would be so much blood! I ended up having to go back to hospital as I was loosing so much blood I thought I might die. Turns out at 12 weeks you just have a lot of blood to get out.
Finally Monday morning about 11am, things started to slow and the pain lessend (sp). Now Im only bleeding lightly and of course its pretty well all over. So now its just crying, and continual asking of why why why? and why me? and why us? and all those types of things.
I feel sad, empty, angry, shocked, just so many darned things. Lucky for me, hubby has been so supportive, taking care of me, although I think he is surprised that I am grieving so much. I think men don't understand that to us it is a baby, not just a pregnancy. I keep thinking "I lost my baby" and I can't understand why he died.
Also, Im sorry if this is TMI, but did anyone else who miscarried late actually see their baby? if yes, what did you do with him/her? This is awful, but everything else went down the toilet, but I just cant bear to put babes down there. I still have him and everytime I look at him I cry again, and I dont know where to put him
Anyway, feels better just to get it out. I know so many of you have gone through it, so its comforting to know I am not alone.

Pea

T'elle

aww hun im so so sorry ur going thru this!!! im here if u want to talk!! hope your ok xxx

wendino

I am so sorry hun. My heart is breaking for you. I did not see my baby as I had a blighted ovum at 12 weeks, but I know how painful it was. I do know some one who kept their baby, placed him in the freezer until they were ok to deal with the death and they buried him. I am so glad you have a supportive kind husband. It is probably easier for him to just try and think of the loss as not a baby yet.

ryder

diane60f

I'm so sorry you are hurting. I've been there and it's not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Are U asking what to do with your babys remains? I would burry him and have a little ceremony for him, say prayers and start the healing process. Easier said then done I know. I cried for weeks sometimes out of the blue. Let it out because I have every reason and right to be sad.God bless and my prayers are with you!

Tyff

Don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. So sorry for the loss of your angels.

analyticalema

So sorry for you loss...I really feel for you The hospital is arranging a cremation and small service from the hospital chaplin for us, you could ask your GP or Hospital.

Love and Hugs

BeanieBaby

I am so very sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you. I think a memorial service of somesort sounds like a lovely idea. xxx

SmileyShazza

Hello Pea in a pod

Firstly so sorry to hear your sad news, it sounds like you've really had a rough time of it. It is such a difficult time as I now understand after finding out we have lost our baby when we went for our scan yesterday

All I can say is look after yourself, cry as much as you feel you need to. I keep stopping for a while and then suddenly it will take me by suprise and I will in a flood of tears again.

We are all here if you need to talk

happy-kat

Oh honey i am so sorry i lost my little bean of 6 weeks jus over 2 weeks ago although what i passed couldnt be taken for a baby but i knew it was by the colouring and the size, when i close my eyes i can still see it, its so hard and i still feel raw, do what you feel is right, i planted a plant in memory of one i lost years ago, and it grew beautifully considering i wasnt and still not green fingered. sending you always here to talk -x-