it is so nice to be understood here. I feel warm with the kind thoughts everyone has to offer

That is so cool

For my own peace of mind I think I'll collect and add to my memory box as time goes on... more letters I wrote or trinkets that make me think of Justice. It's still so surreal... I'm a mommy but I'm not at the same time. I really wish the father was more responsive about all of this so that I could lean on him. I can't help but feel the little life we created has bonded us in a way that is unique, and I don't want him to forget about Justice simply because he isn't emotionally able to handle it.
But... with time I hope to confide in more people. And as I said I'm going to speak with a friend about it soon - it's weird how anxious I am... it's like I'll finally get to just say everything I've had bottled up inside for the last couple weeks - the happiness, the fear, the sadness, the pain, etc...

I miss my baby. To say that out loud to a friend I think will really help take a weight off my shoulders.

That sounds a lovely idea its nice to hear you're doing so many things in memory for your little one. Hopefully the baby's father will contact you soon, I'm sure he will want to talk a lot about it. Have you got any ideas for the tattoo yet? My OH is going to get one done in memory of our baby shortly, a feather with 'tiny bouncer' written by it xxx

I found a website for a church that will email you a recognition of life certificate- how great! So as soon as the middle name issue is settled I'll make two copies... granted my copy probably won't have the father's signature (don't know when I will see him that I could ask for his signature), but I'm going to fill the other one out and mail it to him, I really want him to have *something* that he can look at and think of the baby.

~curiosity~ Your tattoo sounds so sweet!! I've been looking for ideas and I've always wanted a swallow, my favorite bird, but not the cartoon sailor-ish kind, something more dainty and script-like. so I think I might try to design a baby swallow... although I would want it on my wrist so I could always look down and see it, and I'm not sure that's the best place to get a tattoo (it could interfere with jobs and such). so I don't know. Still thinking! and I just realized I could even include the baby's name and no one would realize it's a name since Justice is an everyday word, they would probably look at it and ask "so why that word?" then I could tell them about my baby, and it would have the double meaning I intended for it I'll continue looking for ideas and see what I can come up with.

I posted pictures of my memory box in my journal in wtt if you need ideas, i dont have scan pictures of footprints but that doesnt mean i cant have my memories The certificate of life sounds lovely and tattoos are really lovely! Im hoping to get mine soon as i can, i want to get snowdrops because of a poem that helped me after.Ive seen some lovely ones while researching for my own and there was some lovely ones with stars.I have tattoos on the inside of my wrist and people rarely notice them tbh, if you want to hide it for work though then your lower back or your shoulder is a good place

Unfortunately I already have tattoos in the best of hiding places (including both hips) maybe I could do a lower abdominal tattoo. Yeah, if I ever got pregnant again it would stretch but wherever I decide to ink it, it depends on the design, and maybe it'll just hit me some day soon and I'll know what I want and where I want it!

And aww the snowdrops sound so sweet too!
I kind of want fireflies, but they aren't the most attractive looking bug, LOL, so I will have to doodle around to come up with a way to represent them as cute little light-up creatures...

I'm going to your journal now, Shocker, to have a look at your box!

I'm going to follow in some other people's footsteps here and start a journal in wtt, to vent everything out. so far it's been very therapeutic to share with all you wonderful women!

The snowdrops sound like a lovely idea, I like hearing everyone's personal ideas its amazing how there is something special to come out of this for everyone xxx does anyone have special songs they associate with their baby? Theres some that I do and they make me cry:
Elton John- Tiny Dancer (we called our baby tiny bouncer and tiny dancer)
Karen Taylor Good- Precious Child (makes me cry every time)
X Factor finalists (for Great Ormond Street children's hospital)- You are not alone (lyrics made me think of baby Ira)
xxx

I love that you call your baby "tiny bouncer", that is so sweet.

It's funny you'd ask about songs because just this morning I was thinking about how a few songs connected with me... One reminds me of the pregnancy... one of the miscarriage... and one of the baby...

the pregnancy - because when I first found out I was so scared - "Look Away" by Thousand Foot Krutch... some of the lyrics are: "It seems everything she knows is now five minutes to close and that's not a lot of time when you're nervous."

the miscarriage - "Send Me All Your Angels" by Kris Allen... "Send me all your angels tonight, I'm barely hanging on the edge of lonely, Trying to turn this all around, Before I hit the ground and end up face down, Send me all your angels now"

and for Justice - "Fireflies" by Owl City - The minute the song starts it's like... a child's upbeat lullaby... happiness just floods through me... all the innocence... and whimsical lyrics... So beautiful. This is me and my baby's theme song!

I used to play bright eyes "first day of my life song to my bump, ive listened to it once since and it just made me cry my eyes out.
"Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go"

After theres a lot of songs, "playboy mummy" by tori amos
"I'll say it loud here by your grave those angels can't ever take my place"

Kenny Chesney - "who youd be today"
Placebo - "the never ending why"
Kellie coffey - "i would die for that"
The one that really sums it up is "changes" by the sugababes

"Ain’t it funny how you think
You’re gonna be okay
Till you remember things ain’t never
Gonna be the same again
Ain’t it crazy how you think
You’ve got your whole life planned
Just to find that it was never ever
In your hands"