So - had the scan on the 16th October.
Baby dead at 12+ weelks.
Began mmc on 22nd Oct.
Gave birth on 24th.

Even though I have a history of bleeding and of retained placenta - they left me to bleed for six ours after the birth. Clots were coming out the size of tennis balls. I could hear the nurses talking to the doctors on the phone, and then talking to each other. "The Doctor is not worried - they told each other."

Doctor finally turned up. I had placenta stuck in the cervix. He removed it.
Bleeding stopped. But no one thinks - "Placenta stuck at cerifx - any placenta stuck higher up? Perhaps we should scan her?"

And no one thinks - fair bit of blood loss, let's check her blood count. Instead - I go to the toilet and collapse. Then they think it might be a good idea to check it... after getting it a line, putting up a drip and giving me oxygen.

Then then discharge me without checking my final blood count. (After blood loss the blood dilutes. The count straight after a haemorrhage will be OK. It takes 24 hours to give a proper reading.)

I go to GP the day after discharge with an acute allergice reaction to something. She looks at me checks blood - HB very low....

Then I bleed for four weeks on and off... Keep thinking it will stop. Finally on Friday I am on my way to work with my daughters in the car and it starts. Bleeding like you cannot believe... Went through my pad, my pants, my trousers, my winter coat... It even went through the car seat and was dripping on the floor.

I'm calmly saying to the girls: "Oh dear darling - think we have to turn the car around, and get your aunty to take you to school." "Why mummy?" they ask. "Oh - well mummy has a bit of a tummy ache. I think I may just pop to the hospital..."

Obvioulsy went straight to A&E. Had scan; loads of stuff there... Ended up with four bags of saline, two different intravenous anti-biotics and an erpc under general... Refused transfusion - just could not face one...

Am just about walking about... Feel totally rubbish. And in the midst of it my gran died...

Just so exhausted in all of this I can't even grieve for the baby I've given birth to and buried...

So - to my question. Is the hospital totally incompetent, or am I just unlucky?

Hi Rabiah

Really sorry to hear about what you have been through. It sounds to me that they have been highly incompetent. I can't believe they would treat a miscarrying woman like this. Mabe you need to detail everything in a letter and ask for an explanation.

That is sheer incompetence. Ur not unluky, and if I were you I'd make a formal complaint. Thats a disgusting way to treat your situation and I'm overly sorry you went through what you have. I sincerely hope u start to heal sooner rather than later so you can get back to normal. Stupid, ridiculous, undertrained doctors!!

Hi Rabiah,
I'm sorry about what happended to you, I think some hospitals or parts of a hospital are completely incompetant the A&E part of my experience was horrible.

When I got there I was seen by their triage nurse and then told I needed to wait for a bed to become available and monitor my bloodloss. eventually I was given a bed left to bleed there and pass fist size clots . They did a urine pregnancy test and a nurse said that there was nothing to worry about I was still pregnant (I thought this was farcical, of course it would show pregnant and the speed at which I was bleeding was not something not to worry about. They eventually came to give me a drip after I had lost between three and four pints (most of them on the bed and floor I was on as I went back and fourth to the toilet to change pads invisibly apart from my blood trail to ensure I could find my way back to the bed). I was losing blood at speed and lying in it on my clothes and bed. I could barely walk or move and my partner was practically carrying me to the toilet to change pads. I had intermitent pain in my back (which I later learnt were 'mild' contractions). My partner asked a nurse if the doctors had all gone on a break as I had been lying bleeding for six hours with no doctor. Her response was "Oh love, they're with the poorly people", yeah because I was the picture of perfect health!

Eventually the doctor came after they had finished dealing with the poorly people! He ushered my partner out and a nurse came in to do an examination and I became invisible! First he couldn't find where he was supposed to put the speculum, but the nurse kindly told him "Oh love you need to go lower than that" Then he said "She's bleeding too much I can't see a thing " and tried to pull it out still open before the nurse said "Oh love you need to undo that first" (three weeks on I was still bruised) Then he said "I'll give it one more go...I'll try another angle" and then shoved it in again before saying "I cant do anything here until she stops bleeding...she'll have to be sent to surgical assessment...see if they can do anything with her". The doctor then went to speak to my partner about what he'd done and told him I'd be going to Surgical assessment. After a couple more hours waiting, the paramedics came to move me and I became visible again and they got me changed, fresh sheets and another drip. I then continued bleeding.

About 14 hours after getting to A and E I had the scan and I was inconvienient again. The woman did the first belly scan and said in a very matter of fact tone "sorry but there's no baby here!" We then explained that the last scan had been an issue as the baby had implanted near to my back so they needed to do an internal scan. She then said "well I don't really see the point but if you want to go and empty your bladder" I went inbetween convincing my partner not to shout at her for her insensitivity. She then said "like I said, no heartbeat!" (The baby was still there)

I couldn't believe that some of the people I encountered had actually chosen to go into a 'caring' profession! There were people better than those above. The Paramedics, Surgical Assessment and the Staff nurse that insisted on me staying in after surgery were good and ultimately saved my life, but all that is clouded by the incompetant staff, that ultimately danger life, yours and mine.

I totally identify with what you say about grieving and exhaustion! I've felt like that since it happened but at the same time I feel like I have days when it gets easier to grieve and feel more human and ironically enough they are what give me comfort. I named our baby Jesse, and it became easier to grieve. I don't know whether that would help but I felt like she became real then and my focus shifted! Still working through lots and I know we will get through it. As much as I absolutely loathe it when people say it, it just takes time.

When I feel stronger I will be writing to the hospital, my doctor has already logged my feelings about what happened.

I hope this has helped some and that you start feeling better soon, my thoughts are with you! Xxx

Rabiah, so sorry for your loss and your experience. I know it's hard to complain when you are exhausted, but it might be worth doing so, both to help you in dealing with it, and in case it happens to other women.

Each hospital in the UK has a "Patient Advice and Liaison Service" (PALS) whose job it is to deal with this stuff - you can contact them by email or telephone if it is easier than writing. It is helpful to have your hospital number and dates etc. to hand.

I didn't complain to the hospital after a bad experience having my daughter and still regret it. Whereas when I wasn't happy about something else (miscarriage related, but much more minor than your experience), I emailed the PALs and got a very helpful response.

Hope you feel better soon.

MY GOD!!!!! When will us women who suffer the loss of a pregnancy i.e a child!!! be shown some respect and piorty. I appreciate hospitals are for sick people but we are sick when we are in pain and bleeding out our baby!

If the NHS wasnt so concerned about saving money they reliase that by neglecting miscarrying women in the short term will only wind up costing the nhs more in long term as we are likely yo end up with either other physical or mental health problems as a direct result of rushed too busy short staffed badly managed nhs!

In answer to your question i think both a bit of bad luck which i know all about! As well as incompetence!

Hi hun i definaltly agree here , i would contact your PALS office at the hospital and complain, no one should have to go though that .
So sorry for your loss

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and all the suffering you've had to go through as a result, but mainly for the shere incompetance and insensitivity shown to you by the NHS. I agree with the other girls....complain, complain, complain!!! They can't surely carry on like this its just so unfair the way they treat women during one of the most upsetting times they'll ever experience. I wish you a speedy recovery. xxx

Thanks All

I will write a letter to the "Patient Advice and Liaison Service" that was suggested by Smiler13.

I shall detail everything as I do think that there are a lot of lessons the hospital should learn.

The population it treats has grown rapidly. I was speaking to the nurses in A&E when I was admitted and they have 15+ gynae cases on A&E but no dedicated gynae doctor. That was why I was left for so many hours when giving birth - the doctor was seeing patients on A&E who had probably waited hours to see him. I know I had to wait for three hours on A&E because the doctors were on ward rounds.

It's a total joke how they are running down the hospitals and the thing is it's so counter productive... It makes people ill and less able to contribute by working, paying taxes etc...

OK - rant over!

i am so sorry for your loss, i had horrible treatment from the hospital, i also posted my story if you want to look. What they put you through is wrong, they have no emotion and they should not be allowed to call them doctors and nurses it makes me fel sick to my stomach the way these people get away with treating people!
i am sorry that you lost both your little angel and then your gran, you are going through so much, i really hope in time you heal and feel better huni.
x