Hi everyone, I am a bit confused and very upset.

I thought I was 12 weeks pregnant. Went for the dating scan yesterday and the baby was only developed to about 6 weeks - no sign of a heartbeat. But because the measurements were borderline, I was sent to the early pregnancy unit - they said we have to wait 2 weeks to see if the baby will continue to grow. If it doesn't, well you know the rest.

The thing is - how can I wait that long? Knowing that my last period was the end of August and I had a positive test on 6th October. There is no way the baby can only be 6 weeks. Why are they stringing me along like this? And how can I pretend to family that it's all ok?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

I can only say that I understand what you are going through and I am sorry that we, as women, are made to suffer like this. I went for a seven week scan after IVF treatment and was told that I had two empty sacs. Gravely, the midwife looked at me and she said "Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do until you've had a further scan in a week's time just to be doubly sure." So, I go away knowing that an empty sac at seven weeks is a total no-hoper because there should be a fetus and heartbeat, that to have two of them is just doubly heartbreaking, and that to be sent away for a week knowing that there was something dead inside me was just cruel.

I go back a week later for the scan to confirm what I know and what they know. What do they say? "Come back in another week. That might be a fetal pole, but it might also be a niggle in the sac. It's 99.99% certain there are no babies in there but you'll have to wait." So, for the second time I am sent away knowing that there are no babies yet also knowing that the hospital will do absolutely nothing to help me. I begged, pleaded, cried, told them I could not handle it mentally any more and they just shrugged their shoulders.

By the time I had my D&C for a missed miscarriage of twins, I had known that they were not developing for nineteen days. I have said it time and time again, NEVER have I felt so resentful towards a hospital. Never have I felt so angry with them for disregarding my feelings. Never have I felt so empty, knowing that there was nothing inside of me.

I can sort of understand why they'd do it in women who have conceived naturally because a lot of the time they DO get their dates mixed up and it's so easy for them to say "You did a D&C when I might have got my dates wrong, why did you not let me wait to be sure?". Since they have no record of WHEN you got pregnant, they have to go down the route that you might well be mistaken just to cover themselves. With me, I had no hope. I knew my dates because I did IVF. There WAS no leeway with dates. I told them this over and over but they kept repeating "policy, safety, liability" - as if those things mattered to me. We have to be sure, they kept on saying, and its not for our benefit, it's for theirs, because how many times do you think women have had a D&C and then weeks later asked themselves "What if they were wrong? What if the hospital were wrong and my baby was just small for its gestational age? What if I'd waited another week or two, would things have been okay?"

I've had months to think it over. I was so angry and raw at first. How dare they put me through that, I thought? But now, looking back and hearing so many other stories, I can understand in a sense. I cannot understand why they sent me away a SECOND time, that was just cruel, but the first time makes sense to me. They have to be sure. They want YOU to be sure. They want you to believe that you gave it the best chance possible so that later on you will not look back and wonder "What if..."

You don't have to pretend to play happy and act like everything is okay. I suppose what you do need to do, though, is understand their reasons for doing this. It sucks, it feels like intentional torment but it's not.

If you DO go back and they try to send you away again like they did with me, demand a second opinion. Demand that they give you solid evidence as to WHY they are doing that to you. I was too upset. I made them speak to a senior doctor but he was useless as well.

I'm the same ostara. 12 week yesterday scan showed just the sack and at about 5 weeks and they toldme I need to wait another week to check. My last period was 25th aug and bfp was 29th sept was there's no way it can be just 5 weeks now.

I'm going to america on 2nd dec so I wanted to try and sort it all out before then as I know it's over this time. I may need to cancel and will lose about £1500 plus it's my birthday in 2 weeks time.

I have a very slight brown discharge at the minute that started last night (TMI I know) so I'm hoping this is the start of my body sorting itself out naturally. fingers crossed.

I've told people how I see it and that I know my dates are right. I think I know in my heart that the BFP and symptoms and everything else all tie in with this pregnancy being 12 weeks and it's not possible it is only 5. I know people talk about pma and everything and if it was only out by 2 weeks or so I'd definately have some.

My thoughts are with you, I know exactky what you're going through xx

Thank you for your reply, it was very helpful. I am so sorry you had to go through all that - as you say, no woman should have to experience it. But sadly, we do. I can understand why the hospital wants to cover themselves, but it sounds like they took it a little too far in your case. Are you able to have another shot at IVF? I hope so.

I had to pretend to mum and dad that everything was ok - they went on holiday yesterday and I didn't want to ruin it for them. So I can't tell everyone else there is a problem until they get back; it's not fair. So I have to carry on smiling and chatting about the baby with my sister (who has an 11 week old daughter) and pretend to my students at work. All I want to do is hide. No, all I want to do is get it over with and move on. Or cry. Not really sure which at the moment.

Thanks Truly - I'd just read your board. I am so sorry, but it does help to have someone else going through the same thing. I really hope it is resolved for you before your holiday. You definitely deserve to have a little 'you' time to recover and be happy again. If I could squeeze in your suitcase I would!

Hi Ostara,

I had the same thing when I was meant to be 9 weeks pregnant. They said it was "policy" to scan again two weeks later just in case my dates were wrong somehow. I knew the dates did not add up and got very stressed about the whole thing. I made it through 3/4 days then phoned the nurse and told her I couldn't wait for another week as I knew it wasn't right so she booked me in a few days later. Unfortunately my baby had only grown .4 mm so was still too small.

Really sorry you're going through this stressful experience- it's awful to be so un sure.

Take care

Hi

I was in the same situation. Told to wait 10 days for 2nd scan at EPU, which was torture after about 2 days. I went to the gynae ward and asked them to do blood tests to check my HCG levels, which they ageed to. I had to go back 2 days later for another, which confirmed MC as HCG levels had dropped. I am glad I asked for the tests as I was fully prepared to be told at scan that there was no heartbeat. I had a few days to deal with it and that helped. Maybe you could try the same.

I am so sorry you're going through this. I am also in a similar boat. I went for a scan the Thurs before last where I was told I looked 5-6 weeks pregnant, not 7 as there was only a yolk sac. I had a dreadful wk worrying as I was sure of my dates but hoped for a miracle at our 2nd scan last thurs. Unfortunately there was some progress and a baby (but way too small) but no heartbeat and since I am sure I was 8 weeks she said she's 99% sure its bad news but can't schedule a D&C until the baby is a bit bigger still with no heartbeat! So i've been sent away again and am due back in on Thurs for the 'final' confirmation! I could understand the 2nd scan but not this 3rd one as there was a consultant in the room too and she pretty much said its all over too! I think they are just prolonging the grieving process for us to cover their backs.

If you're sure of your dates I would call them up and ask for them to bring it forward a week. They should be able to tell if there's been any progress in a week. If they send me away again this Thurs, I am gonna go mental! Feel like my whole life is in limbo, grieving for a baby that may or may not still be growing inside me but with no heartbeat and that clearly isn't viable - heartbreaking. I think I need to bleed or something before I can truly accept what is happening to me.

Lots of love to you and good luck with everything, keep me updated.

xxx

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I was strung along for 6 weeks with scans every 2 weeks before I was finally told that my pregnancy wasn't viable. I appreicate that they were making sure but it was incredibly stressful. You know your dates so you know more than the doctors in this case. I'm sure you are already beginning to grieve and that is healthy. I'm so sorry for your loss. Look after yourself and let others look after you too. xxoo Sam

Thank you to everyone who has replied with kind words, it means a lot. I am sorry you have all had to go through similar experiences, but I am grateful for your advice.

One other question though - if a baby has died in the womb, will your body stop producing the pregancy hormone? Obviously it would take a while for the levels to drop, but it has apparently been about 6 weeks for me. Would it have dropped enough for a home urine test to be negative? I might try anyway, if it's negative I have an answer and can phone the hosp. If positive it jsut means the hormones are still there and will have to wait like the docs say. Am I clutching at straws here? If there is a chance I can get an answer and move on a bit sooner should I take it?