Ok hun, technically speaking I am on the borderline of being morbidly obese; but people are shocked when they see me as I don't even look overweight. I've had catty remarks from women who weigh less than me and who wear a smaller size than me as to how 'slim' I am. I was able to have a homebirth with my last baby; when I weighed considerably more than now as they knew in my case the BMI system wasn't really accurate and it went absolutely without a hitch. This last pregnancy the midwife could not believe I weighed more than 14 stone and said I must weigh 12 stone or less, I had to insist that yes I do weigh this much. First miscarriage I had was when I was underweight if anything then I couldn't conceive, and I've had three relatively trouble free, successful pregnancies while overweight. I did have complications in my first pregnancy but they were due to me developing SPD a painful joint condition which can affect women of any size, and then becoming malnourished due to not eating enough due to feeling so uncomfortable and unwell due to that. I got told off for starving myself and losing too much weight; when I really couldn't help it.

Statistically there is more risk of having a miscarriage when very underweight, than overweight unless you're talking a BMI of 35+ or there are other medical issues at play such as severe PCOS or thyroid problems. I don't have any of those problems (nor do I have any blood sugar or blood pressure problems either way, my blood pressure is actually too low) and am fit as a fiddle and I am sure you are too. I had all of my kids when I weighed over 14 stone. I am tall and 'well built' and my body fat ratio is only a few percent higher than the optimum for women, but by all estimations I am at least 2 stone over the highest recommended weight for my height. I'm not saying don't try and lose weight; I am working on that myself just for my general health and because my hormonal imbalance improves dramatically when I lose a bit of weight (it seems to get worse if I lose too much weight though, so there is a certain window), but please do not blame yourself for this miscarriage and think if you don't lose all this weight you won't have a healthy and successful pregnancy in the future because I am sure you will.

I can totally understand the feeling of being torn in two directions as well, I dunno if its just me but I just feel so angry about what happened and I almost feel like deliberately never having another baby, just to prove to all the idiots who think its nothing, how badly the mc affected me and its not just a case of 'oh you can try again' but on the other hand I really want another baby and if this is my last chance I'd rather it be now rather than trying in many years time and not being successful and regretting it. At the moment its just a massive rollercoaster of emotions for you and its going to take time to sort through those emotions, don't expect it to happen overnight you have to give yourself time.

Soph x