Chilli

PS I didn't even have AF for 12 weeks after 1st MC I think my mind and body refused to allow me to get pg again because it knew I wasn't ready yet

Rumpskin

I can only talk from personal experience and I am waiting until I can be referred for testing which will hopefully be over the next few weeks.

Having had 3 (the last was a chemical), I am still haunted by my mmc in November last year.

I am petrified of getting pregnant again.

Please don't let what I am going through put you off.

Good luck xxx

roseanne

Hi - I've posted various parts of my story on various threads, but I'm in a somewhat similar position here: first pregnancy ended at 14 weeks in July (my water broke). We were theoretically going to wait at least 3 months, but couldn't quite bring ourselves to take adequate measures to prevent the second pregnancy, which began about 8 weeks later. We were pretty apprehensive and indeed, there was no heartbeat at my "8 week" scan (I think I was more like 6 weeks, given my charting). Obviously I don't know whether waiting longer would have helped, but in a very strange way this second pregnancy has helped me chart a course for the future: after the first one, the maternal-fetal specialist I saw didn't look into my family history, and it is only by coming on here and listening to everyone here (which I didn't do after the first loss -- the second one has really dredged up all the barely-settled feelings from the first, forcing my to find this community) that I have learned about tests that can be done and the relevance of my mother's and father's medical history, and measures I can take.

As for weight loss, it's been a struggle for me for years (I'm overweight by about as much as drazic), and I have determined that we won't try again until I lose at least 10 pounds (haven't told my husband this yet! and he, like yours, wants to try as soon as possible). Losing weight is VERY HARD for me! Don't know how long this will last, but a few days ago I quit white flour, white sugar and all dairy fat. Just in time for the holidays!

I really think that in situations like ours, whether the weight has anything to do with the "adverse pregnancy outcomes" (can you tell how much literature I've been reading on the web?) or not, we will be healthier if we nudge the scale down a bit, we are more motivated now than we've ever been in our lives because it's not just about us any more, and we will feel better about TTC again because we know we have done absolutely everything in our power.

Feel free to PM me - I don't mean to turn this into a weight loss support forum!

rock_chick

I just wanted to come in and offer support to you.
I had a mmc at xmas last year - baby was somewhere around 3 - 5 mths - docs find it hard to give me an exact date due to the development of the baby

I was terrified at the idea of being pregnant again but I surprised myself by how well i coped - although tbh I couldnt look at the scan screen - midwife turned it off because I got so upset......sadly I lost that baby too.
I am also desperate to try again in the future - im having probs with my OH deciding he doesnt want to try anymore
but I would say give yourself some time to heal and have fun in the process - you never know, sometimes surprises happen at the most unlikely times xx

best of luck xx so sorry about your loss xx

sk100

Hi sweetheart

Really hope you are physically feeling better.

Afet my daughter passed away, I was craving to be pregnant again. It took 3 cycles but each period that arrived left me devastated. Had anyone told me to wait, I would never have listened to the. This MMC has made me realise that I really want to let my body heal thoroughly. I need to divert my attention elsewhere. Also, I am going to have some in depth tests done because I can't face going through again. Emotionally, I feel too battered to TTC. I think I am having at least 4 months off.

You will know what is right for you but get yourself better physically. Maybe wait a couple of periods so that you uterus lining has thickened and strong enough for implantation.

Take care

Hoolie

We started trying after one cycle.

And I've had mixed feelings about it. I am grateful that we fell so quickly. I've fel guilty as I feel disloyal to the baby I lost. I feel joy at the prospect of another child in our lives but then guilty as this child would not have been if my last baby had lived. Being pregnant again has made me less resentful of others who are pregnant but I still am upset about the child I lost.

Drazic, I doubt that there would have been any controllable reason for your m/c and doubt that your weight had anything to do with it. I wouldn't wait for that reason.

Everyone is different and you need to decide what is best for you and your family. For us, it was better to start trying straight away as age is not on our side and it can take a few months to fall.

To be honest, even though emotions have been mixed, it has helped me. It doesn't take away the pain but it does give me something positive to focus on and has given me the hope of adding to our family which after my m/c I lost completely.

Alex

KittyKatBabe

Hi Drazic,

As you know I have just suffered my 2nd m/c, there was less than 2 months between them. I wouldn't put anyone off trying again when they are ready, as I still think it was the right thing for us to do, even though we haven't been successful this time. But with my 2nd its as though I knew how to deal with this better. I even dreamt about having a miscarriage as soon as I got my BFP, so the fear was in me as soon as I got the result. I don't think that influenced things, but it was obviously in my mind as I believe that dreams can reflect this. Even this morning my OH told me it sounded like I was crying in my sleep, I was dreaming about losing the two I have and having another, so its still obv on my mind, even though I am 'getting on with it' really well. We have decided to wait for the show of two AF's give my body a break, so ntnp until the new year.

I too am overweight by around 2 stone, about 6lb was gained during my 11 weeks of the 1st pregnancy. Still need to lose this, take consolation in food, I have sworn this time that I am going to exercise and cut out as much fatty, bread, sweet food and alcohol as i can. I want to lose at least a stone by xmas, it will be hard, but I need to try. This will make me feel better and be fitter ready for the next time I fall pregnant.

I think what I am trying to say, there will always be thoughts about what could have been, and why it happened. Unfortunately nobody can say for definite at this point. It is very common, at least 1 in 4 pregnancies end this way, but I was also told that the chance of getting a 3rd and 4th the chances do get more favourable (1 in 100). Needless to say there is always a possibility of what may happen and as its already happened and we understand the loss, we are naturally more aware of how that would feel. To be scared is only normal and at this stage your feelings are going to be raw. The loss of my previous pregnancies has only strengthened my feelings about how much I want to have a family with Kieron. He is my everything and I could thing of nothing greater than having a son/daughter with him. I would love to feel pregnant again, but due to the endings of the last two, I want to try and be fitter and healthier, just for me really and my mind.

Don't lose heart or hope, let yourself heal, if you want to try again today... do - in your heart you will know when the time is right for you and if you want to do this again.

Big hugs to you and I am here to chat nearly all the time, so you can PM me when you want to vent.
x x

Drazic<3

Thanks so much girls. Reading through your stories and the obvious hurt in your hearts which came through in your writing breaks my heart. I guess I need to accept that pregnancy is never going to be the same anymore. It is going to be scary and the thoughts which run through our minds are going to be different.

To be completely honest, I don't know what I want. I am in turmoil. I desperately want to be pregnant, but I want to be 11 weeks, nearly 12 weeks pregnant with Edan. I don't want to go back, I refuse to give it up but I know that's a ridiculous concept. I honestly don't know how the hell I would get through being pregnant again, I was terrified enough this time! Being in that scan room, hearing those same words - rock_child, my heart breaks for you.

I did a test today, bfp. I never dreamed I would see that and feel so broken by it. I hate my body, my body image is completely shot to shit. I am going back to work on Wednesday, maybe that will help. It's not the short of job where you can hang around feeling low and doing nothing, it doesn't work like that.

I think I need to get my niave head round this and accept things will never be the same again. Gosh, I just wish I was strong

Las78

Aw hun, don't be sorry for posting, it's good to talk and to know you are not alone.

From my own experience, within days of losing my baby I was desperate to be pregnant again and I felt really guilty for feeling that way so soon but I couldn't help it.

We started trying straight away after and I became obsessed with falling pregnant which was really doing me no good. I eventually managed to let things be and put away all the unused tests etc and started focusing on my job. 6 months down the line I fell pregnant again - I didn't dare feel excited, I was really scared and I just couldn't be happy about it out of fear I would miscarry again. I have spent the last 7 weeks terrified but then I think that is purely cause of all the bleeding as I went a whole week without bleeding and actually started feeling a glimmer of hope ands excitement. It has been like a rollercoaster and it has bought everything from last time back to the very front of my mind, I have found it really hard to deal with.

I think anyone who has miscarried will tell you that the subsequent pregnancies bring on very anxious feelings and this is perfectly normal and understandable. I was very lucky to have a supportive midwife and the EPAU scanned me loads plus gave me open access, if you are really concerned, express it because they will support you.

Hun, it's important to remember that one miscarriage doesn't mean the same will happen next time. You need to try again whenever you feel ready to, everyone is different.

sk100

Hi sweeteahrt

Just wondered if you are having a follow up scan to make sure everything is clear?

Also, wanted to thank you for telling me that you asked whether scraping was used for the erpc. I asked the EPU this morning and nurse said she was 90% sure. I said I needed her to be 100% sure and so she will ask the consultant and get back to me.