Mrs Foster

Sorry girls...I have to vent!
Where to begin...Here's the story. So when I was over 16 weeks pregnant we did the blood test to check for neural tube defects and downs and I dont know what else. About a week and a half later I got a phone call saying that my results came back flagged for neural tube defects. We went in a few days later to meet with a specialist and found out our baby boy was "not compatible with life", he had a hole in the back of his head and his brian was abnormal. We had to make the decision to end the pregnancy. That was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my entire life. I felt I would be selfish to put our son through the rest of the pregnancy only to have the same outcome. We were induced at 19 weeks and after 23 hours of labor we had our son Bennett (which means little blessed one) on Oct 18, 2009.

Now that he is gone, I feel so heartbroken and empty. I cant help but feel guilty even though I know we made the right decision. My family was great when everything was going on and for about a week later. Now Im feeling so alone, everyone faded out and thinks I should be "moving on." My fiance doesnt even talk about our son and when Im having a breakdown, he does nothing to console me. All I want is for someone to be here with me to just hold me and cry with me.

And I know people don't know what to say when something like this has happened. But when I showed my friend pictures of Bennett, all she could say was..."he has a big nose." I was so angry and hurt that she would say something like that about my son. I just wanted to yell at her and tell her why it looks big is because his head was measuring 2.5 weeks behind since he had a hole in the back of it!!! How can people be so ignorant?! I just want to shut out the world.

Alright girls...thanks for letting me vent.

shocker

Im so so sorry for your loss, it must have been so incredibly difficult for you and your family especially experiancing loss at such a late stage.I lost my lo at 14 weeks and never got to see him, im so glad you have pictures, those must be the most precious pictures you have ever had.I was given a booklet by the hospital, a memory book for babies lost before birth or shortly after and if you'd like a copy im sure i could get one sent to you.Im so sorry you arent finding your family supportive, I think its hard for people to comprehend the immense sense of loss that comes with losing a baby.Your mourning the loss of a person, a person you created, nurtured,helped grow and held so closely in your heart from the minute you got that bfp.The grief is real and it can feel so overwhelming, others may find it hard to understand you missing this little person so much but thats only because they didnt know them like you did.Im sorry you arent finding your family and friends supportive and yes people say some very hurtful things at times like this but im sure they are trying and just cant figure out how to help you.If you ever need support you can find it here, hope your doing ok

lori

I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss and everything that you're going through. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to make that decision. I'm amazed by how powerful a mother's love is. You put Bennett ahead of your own needs, and I can't think of a more powerful or beautiful gift.

Please don't feel like you should be "moving on". Allow yourself to feel whatever it is your feeling. Your baby was precious and deserves to be missed. I'm so sorry that your family and OH haven't been more supportive. I think that maybe your husband is trying to deal with his grief in a different way (a way that is, unfortunately, really painful for you). I believe he'll come around in time once he gets past this stage of grieving. Until then, take good care of your baby's mom and remember that we're here for your. You and Bennett will be in my prayers

Drazic<3

Oh hunny,
I am so very sorry to hear your little one has grown wings. I know you must be hurting so much right now. I know it's not the same, but we lost our babe last week at 10 weeks and the desperate, lonely pain is overwhelming. I just want the world to stop so I can get off for a while, and it makes me angry to see everyone going on as normal. you are not alone sweetheart, and I can't imagine making that heartbreaking decision. If it means anything, I think you made absolutely the right choice.
Take all the time YOU need, don't be pressured to heal. You have experienced a loss and you need to grieve, whatever anyone else may think. As for your friend? How very insensitive and thoughtless. I am sorry to hear it.

If you ever need a friend, you always have one here

Bingo

What an awful decision for you to have to make. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be for you. You do need so much support right now. I'm sorry your partner is not being supportive and I cannot believe your friend made such a heartless comment about your beautiful son. I do tend to think that anyone with even the tiniest amount of common sense wouldn't say something like that. What goes through peoples minds is beyond me sometimes.

A colleague of mine had to make the same choice as you a few months back, although I wouldn't really call it a choice, because her baby hadn't develped as he or she should have done. She had been for her 20 week scan and was excited to find out the sex of the baby only to be confronted with such an awful situation. One friend commented to her that at least she could now drink again. I just think some people don't think and they don't really know what to say so they say the first thing that pops into their heads without thinking it through.

I hope things start easing up for you and that you begin to find some peace amongst the heartache.

Chilli

You poor thing - that must have been SO hard to do and you have been very brave to do it! I hope you feel stronger soon and that you can find some peace. I wish I could give you the big hug you crave - so I'm sending a virtual one