lori

Thank you so much for all of your support I had my D&C today, and just wanted to let you all know I'm ok and share my experience.

I'm heartbroken, but in between the flashes of anger and bouts of tears, I realize that I really have much to be thankful for. My precious baby died around 10 weeks, and had my body naturally miscarried, I never would have had the chance to see him or have any pictures. The ultrasound pictures mean so much to me and my OH. Once we got the terrible news, we were given back some control over a situation that was totally out of our hands. Because we chose the D&C, we were able to give ourselves one more night as a family. My husband and I spent last night crying and holding one another. We had a chance to rub my belly and tell Speck how loved he is. My husband read him stories and we told him about all the things we wished we could do with him. The night was beautiful but so emotionally draining that I don't think I could have done it if we still had to wait around for some undetermined period of time. I'm so glad that we shared the news with our families around 9 weeks because my baby deserves to be missed by his grandparents who were so excited to meet him. They cried with us and were so supportive and wonderful. We shared our ultrasound photos with them because I felt so sad thinking that I couldn't brag about the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. At the hospital, my husband and I held each other and cried until it was time for my surgery. I was in tears as they set me up in the OR, but everyone was so lovely to me and really acknowledged the pain by telling me that every baby is special and stays in our hearts forever. I went to sleep with my hand over Speck. When I woke up, I shed more tears when I realized that my baby was really gone, but once I got back to the room with my husband, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. After so many weeks of anxiety and 24 hours in limbo, I could finally identify what I was feeling and grieve properly. I was only asleep for about 30 minutes and was up walking about 30 minutes after that. I had very minimal cramping and bleeding. I feel very grateful that I didn't have to experience passing everything naturally and wondering if each clot was my beloved baby.

My husband and I spent the rest of day together, sometimes crying and sometimes looking toward the future with a lot more hope than we felt this morning. My 27th birthday is tomorrow, and he gave me my gift early, which is an emerald necklace (would have been our baby's birthstone). I'm sure he never imagined that his gift would be associated with so much pain, but it means so much to me to have this memory of our baby.

The last 3 months have been some of the happiest and most exciting months of my life. It has a tragic ending, but I'll never forget the joy I felt when we found out we were pregnant or the closeness I've felt with my baby ever since.

Thanks again for your genuine compassion and kind replies to my first post. You girls are amazing

shocker

Your beautiful words had me in tears Lori your so strong and you and your oh are really an amazing couple.Saying goodbye to your baby is such a beautiful idea.Im glad your feeling ok and that the d&c wasnt too stressful, i went that route aswell and it really is such a strange feeling afterwards (after the tears) but somehow also calm feeling like they are at peace.I can see from the way you talk about your lo that you loved them so very much and it reminds me of a poem one line of which "there are many who have lived long lives and not been loved as me" and its true your little angel has been blessed with more love in these last 10 weeks than many have in their whole lives and im sure they will always hold a special place in your heart.Happy Birthday, your necklace sounds so lovely.Sending loads of hugs to you and your family

Bingo

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am so glad you have a beautiful husband who obviously loves you so much and that you were able to share the experience and grieve together. I'm so please also to hear that you both are feeling much better and are able to spend some time looking to the future. Big hugs to you both.

roseanne

Thanks for your story. I've started to dread the D&C as it draws nearer, and it's good to hear reassuring words.

Drazic<3

Thank you for sharing sweetheart. I lost Edan at 10 weeks, and the pain, as with any MC is heartbreaking. Here if you need a friend

Pops

Thank you for sharing, your words really moved me.

I wish you all the best for the future

xxx

2016

Thank you for sharing your moving story....can't say anything else right now because I just want to cry for everything we have all lost.