Me and OH had some serious evenings in with a bottle of whisky in the early days and it did help.

For some reason it seemed easier to let off steam about it when we were both tipsy. Of course this only helps for those who don't fall out when tipsy.

It is a lonely time. One of the loneliest I've ever had. All the physical and emotional trauma is bad enough and then on top of it all, you have hormone withdrawal to contend with as well. Men do deal with it so differently to women. My Oh hardly talked about it and all I wanted to do was to talk about my baby all day but I found there was very little I could find to say that I hadn't already said several times over.

When you lose someone who has lived, there is alot you can say about them because they've lived and you can talk about your experiences and memories of them. When you lose an unborn baby, it's difficult to find things to talk about because there are few memories and experiences. It's just so very sad.

Alex

sorry to hear hubs is being a bit of an arse hun hes male and we all know how differently they handle things to us.

here if you need to talk xx

Hun, how about sending him an e-mail or writing a letter about how you feel? Perhaps he really doesn't understand or know how to deal with your hurt. Perhaps he's hurting too and - if anything like my OH - just won't dare show / admit it?

I'm not trying to make excuses for him hun, he does need to be there with you and you do need him right now but maybe if you explained how you felt, about possibly not being a strong as you thought you were, may make him realise he's being selfish and that you do need him.

I really hope it works out for you hun x

Oh hun - you're in a really bad place right now - I remember it well! I wanted to stay in bed and cry and cry and I got so cross with my DH for expecting me to do anything else. I remember walking into town and feeling so angry with everyone I saw for carrying on like nothing had happened when my world was in shatters. People don't understand, I don't know why but MCs are something that people just don't understand and mostly really don't know how to comfort you. I guess at the end of the day there is nothing anyone can say because actually what we want is our babies back! I also used this site as a crutch and feel it saved my sanity in lots of ways because I could say how I felt without explaining myself - I hope you can do the same.
As for your OH -don't punish him too much, many men just panic because they can't put things right which is essentially what they see as their function and they can't handle it when they know there's nothing they can do! I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you and that he is also grieving - just in a different way!
It's a rollercoaster of emotion I know, but you will find peace and meanwhile just try not to give yourself too hard a time.
I hope that helps as I really want to and am sending you a big comforting hug

Men are very different in their approaches, they have a different attitude, a more straight forward one. He wasn't the one carrying Eden, so he will feel perhaps less attached in a sense. I'm not condoning his behaviour, there's no doubt he should be more supportive and patient, but men can be useless at times!

The important thing to remember is that you take things at your own pace. You're doing brilliantly xxx

Im sorry your having a tough time It really annoys me that people feel you should be "over it", my friends and family were there for me that first week and since then they've just been getting angry with me for not meeting up with them or being upset.It seems like everyone else has forgotten and cant understand why i cant just go back to being the person i was.I think people dont understand unless theyve gone through it,i know before this i always thought wow a miscarriage must be so very difficult for any woman to go through but i had no comprehension of just how difficult.I know what you mean about the drinking aswell, at first i was afraid to drink in case it made me upset because its a depressant and i figured thats not what i need right now! Then one night i gave in and drank and drank and drank, and yes the absoloutly dreadful hangover that followed distracted me for a while but certainly didnt help.Im sorry your oh isnt being supportive, no doubt hes really all over the place right now.Everyone deals with it differantly and some woman included find that distancing themselves and hoping it all goes away will help.You have support here and you always will, if you need to talk pm me

Oh Huni
It's a shitty shitty time I know, I've been there. Men just don't know how to deal with these things and can't possibly understand what we go through. He's probably hurting too both from the loss of your baby and from seeing your pain, but I think he needs to be a lot more understanding to what you are going through as it's so totally raw still. My OH just didn't know what to say to me at all and several times I have been so close to walking out on him since it's happened. I was a bit upset the other day as loads of my friends are pregnant at the moment and he said "you're really serious about this baby thing aren't you.............?" I was just gobsmacked! However, we are together still and will get through it all,something like this will test the very strongest of relationships. Huni when your hormones start to get back to normal again and with some time, it WILL get easier even though it won't feel like it now. Stay strong, you're not alone, there are so many of us here who know exactly what you are going through, even if your family and friends don't seem to, and try and have a rational chat with your hubby when both of your emotions aren't running so high.

Thank you so much girls for taking the time to post. I know deep down he is only hurting too, trying to keep busy. I don't know why I am so mad with him, I guess I just don't want to be alone and I am fed up with him pushing me to be strong. Chilli, that is exactly how I feel, I feel angry with the world for carrying on, and I just want everything to stop. I am just laying here in bed wondering if I will ever be strong again. I know I can't have Edan back, I know I have to accept it. It's just so very hard. I think I will lay here longer, maybe take another few days off work, but I have to get going again eventually, or I am going to end up sacked and then I really will have no reason to ever get out of bed again

dont rush back to work before you are ready hun thats one thing i wish i had of done last yr...i went back to work two days after my m/c. wish i had stayed off longer. thats one thing you must not do - go back before your ready

Hey hun

I'm sure your husband is hurting too but thats men for you, keep in denial and keep busy is their motto, they also hate to see you upset and often come up with very unhelpful suggestions as to how you can 'snap out of it', but really it just breaks their heart to see their loved one upset. Its taken me nearly seven years to be able to look at things through my husband's eyes and even now he is often a mystery to me. When I had my mmc it seemed like he wasn't bothered but actually he was deeply heartbroken, but he just internalised everything as he felt he had to stay strong for everyone else his brother and sis-in-law had also lost their baby exactly a week previously to our loss; so in a way he felt guilty for grieving for what he felt was not as bad as what happened to them. I think you should take a few more days off work and you have every right to stay in bed for now.

Soph x