Lost our baby

lori · Nov 13th, 2009, 14:05 PM

Hi girls,

I can't believe I'm posting in this section. We just had an ultrasound today at 12+3 weeks and found out our precious baby died at 10 weeks. I feel so lost and really don't know what to do from here. He (I'm sure it was a boy) looks so beautiful in the ultrasound picture. I can't believe this is happening. I feel so betrayed by my body and nature and everything. I keep thinking about how my baby died two weeks ago, and for the past two weeks I've been looking after an unwanted baby whose mother drank and used cocaine every day of her pregnancy. I feel like such a bad mother for not knowing.

I love you Speck. We miss you terribly.

BabyBubbles · Nov 13th, 2009, 14:14 PM

You are so not a bad mother. How were you to know? There's nothing you could have done to prevent it and dont think of telling yourself otherwise.

So sorry for your loss, all the support you need is right here xxxx

Chilli · Nov 13th, 2009, 14:17 PM

You're not a bad Mum, it's never something you expect! Maybe this just wasn't the right body and your LO will come back to you in a better one. I'm sure you're in a very sad place now - I know I was but you will feel better eventually. Lots of hugs

roseanne · Nov 13th, 2009, 14:19 PM

so sorry for your loss. My first died at 14 weeks in July - I'll never shake the image of the ultrasounds. I saw him healthy at 12 weeks, then 2 weeks later my water broke in the middle of the night. I went in the morning for an ultrasound, and saw him lying with his arms by his sides, his heart still beating, but no amniotic fluid. After 36 hours of bed rest I went back for another u/s, and he hadn't moved, and I and heard the devastating words, "I'm sorry, but today I don't see a heartbeat."

Be strong. Now I'm waiting for my second to miscarry - it stopped developing three weeks ago. It's hard, but you'll find a lot of support here.

lumpybumpy · Nov 13th, 2009, 15:11 PM

Hi Lori
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss on what should have been a happy day for you. You should in no way think that you are a bad mother for not knowing, how could you have known that your beautiful Baby had died 2 weeks ago? It will happen for you one day, life seems to have a cruel way of dealing with people when it comes down to having babies. I think you are doing a wonderful job looking after this sadly unwanted baby but it does seem so unfair. I've lost 4 pregnancies in the last year so I know your pain. Stay positive and you're not a bad mother.

Drazic<3 · Nov 13th, 2009, 15:15 PM

Oh sweetheart, I am sorry to hear this. I lost my bubs at 10 weeks too from an MMC and it doesn't make you a bad mother - our little ones were just not strong enough for this world. If you need to talk to anyone, I'm always here.

tickledpink3 · Nov 13th, 2009, 17:13 PM

shocker · Nov 13th, 2009, 17:13 PM

Im so so sorry for your loss, you are not a bad mother dont be so hard on yourself! I too had a mmc and i remember thinking how could i not have known?? It feels like your body has betrayed you and its hard.You are an amazing woman looking after this baby, his mother may not have shown him love but i can see you have so much love to give he is lucky to have you. Thinking of you and your oh

Jolene · Nov 13th, 2009, 17:26 PM

Aww babes

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

lori · Nov 13th, 2009, 17:33 PM

Thanks for your replies. Your kind messages are definitely helpful. I've decided to go for a D&C tomorrow. I don't know if this is the right choice, but I just can't imagine waiting. My husband and I are trying to enjoy our last bit of time with Speck, reading him stories and rubbing my belly. I'm devastated and part of me wants to do something to take my mind off of it, but then I remember that I don't have much time left with him. By the way, before you start thinking I'm a really good person, working with sick babies is my job (I'm a NICU nurse), so I don't know if you can count that as good deeds. I'm rambling. Thanks again for your support. I know I'll be back here to chat some more over the next little while

Nov 13th, 2009, 14:05 PM	#1
lori Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 1,078	Lost our baby Hi girls, I can't believe I'm posting in this section. We just had an ultrasound today at 12+3 weeks and found out our precious baby died at 10 weeks. I feel so lost and really don't know what to do from here. He (I'm sure it was a boy) looks so beautiful in the ultrasound picture. I can't believe this is happening. I feel so betrayed by my body and nature and everything. I keep thinking about how my baby died two weeks ago, and for the past two weeks I've been looking after an unwanted baby whose mother drank and used cocaine every day of her pregnancy. I feel like such a bad mother for not knowing. I love you Speck. We miss you terribly.

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 14:14 PM	#2
BabyBubbles Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: southend,essex Posts: 677	You are so not a bad mother. How were you to know? There's nothing you could have done to prevent it and dont think of telling yourself otherwise. So sorry for your loss, all the support you need is right here xxxx

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 14:17 PM	#3
Chilli Other Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Wilts Posts: 1,544	You're not a bad Mum, it's never something you expect! Maybe this just wasn't the right body and your LO will come back to you in a better one. I'm sure you're in a very sad place now - I know I was but you will feel better eventually. Lots of hugs

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 14:19 PM	#4
roseanne Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Massachusetts, USA Posts: 92	so sorry for your loss. My first died at 14 weeks in July - I'll never shake the image of the ultrasounds. I saw him healthy at 12 weeks, then 2 weeks later my water broke in the middle of the night. I went in the morning for an ultrasound, and saw him lying with his arms by his sides, his heart still beating, but no amniotic fluid. After 36 hours of bed rest I went back for another u/s, and he hadn't moved, and I and heard the devastating words, "I'm sorry, but today I don't see a heartbeat." Be strong. Now I'm waiting for my second to miscarry - it stopped developing three weeks ago. It's hard, but you'll find a lot of support here.

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 15:11 PM	#5
lumpybumpy Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Fife, Scotland Posts: 164	Hi Lori I'm so sorry to hear of your loss on what should have been a happy day for you. You should in no way think that you are a bad mother for not knowing, how could you have known that your beautiful Baby had died 2 weeks ago? It will happen for you one day, life seems to have a cruel way of dealing with people when it comes down to having babies. I think you are doing a wonderful job looking after this sadly unwanted baby but it does seem so unfair. I've lost 4 pregnancies in the last year so I know your pain. Stay positive and you're not a bad mother.

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 15:15 PM	#6
Drazic<3 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Norfolk, England. Posts: 9,295	Oh sweetheart, I am sorry to hear this. I lost my bubs at 10 weeks too from an MMC and it doesn't make you a bad mother - our little ones were just not strong enough for this world. If you need to talk to anyone, I'm always here.

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 17:13 PM	#7
tickledpink3 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Kentucky, USA Posts: 2,122

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 17:13 PM	#8
shocker Waiting To Try (WTT) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: London Posts: 3,590	Im so so sorry for your loss, you are not a bad mother dont be so hard on yourself! I too had a mmc and i remember thinking how could i not have known?? It feels like your body has betrayed you and its hard.You are an amazing woman looking after this baby, his mother may not have shown him love but i can see you have so much love to give he is lucky to have you. Thinking of you and your oh

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 17:26 PM	#9
Jolene Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,521	Aww babes I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Status: Offline

Nov 13th, 2009, 17:33 PM	#10
lori Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 1,078	Thanks for your replies. Your kind messages are definitely helpful. I've decided to go for a D&C tomorrow. I don't know if this is the right choice, but I just can't imagine waiting. My husband and I are trying to enjoy our last bit of time with Speck, reading him stories and rubbing my belly. I'm devastated and part of me wants to do something to take my mind off of it, but then I remember that I don't have much time left with him. By the way, before you start thinking I'm a really good person, working with sick babies is my job (I'm a NICU nurse), so I don't know if you can count that as good deeds. I'm rambling. Thanks again for your support. I know I'll be back here to chat some more over the next little while

Status: Offline

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