Hey girls,

When I was trying to decide wether to go for a DnC or a medical evacuation after we found out we lost Edan at 10 weeks, I felt tortured. I had no idea what to do for the best, what risks were correct and what would be the best thing. I had a medical yesterday and thought I would share my experience in the hope it might help someone else. Of course, this is only my experience, and yours could be different, but I hope it does help someone.

Before your procedure, don't be afraid to ask anyone, anything. This is the right time and you should be given several opportunities. Also, as painful as it is, in the case of MMC I would recommend going for a follow-up scan. I promise, it is not as bad as you imagine it could be and ask the nurse to explain. She went through in detail with me, showing the different checks they were doing for heartbeat. This prevents you from having even the smallest inclination of doubt that they are correct.

I chose medical because I wanted to reduce the risks of infertility or Ashermans syndrome, I wanted to take bubs home, I didn't want an anaesthetic, I didn't want to risk the danger of having invasive procedures and I wanted the closure of the miscarriage process. I didn't think I could handle the idea of being pregnant, going to sleep and waking up with no bubs.

If you choose a medical, you will probably be asked to go in for a tablet, normally mifepristone. This CAN be enough to cause MC on it's own. So please be prepared. Though with pregnancies further on, this is unlikely. Then, you will have to go in two days later for a series of pesseries which are inserted into your vagina (or I understand can be given orally and are at some hospitals)

When going to hospital, don't forget
- books, magazines, anything to fill the time
- A gown which you are not bothered if it gets ruined.
- Slippers or flip flops for going to the loo
- Snacks
- Spare knickers
- Heavy duty pads (not tampons)
- Wet Wipes
- Tissues
- Someone to hold your hand.

Just to add - INSIST you get a follow up scan to make sure everything has cleared after the treatment. Mine is not for another two weeks, but I was insistent that we had it as the only risks for damage are related to extra 'products' being left. Moreover, go to the doctors after treatment and INSIST on a course of anti-biotics. If you cover these avenues, your chances of not having future problems are the best they can be. According to my GP, the best to ask for are; Amoxicillin (or trade equivalent) at 500mg on a week course, taking 1,500mg a day - this is a general, strong anti-biotic. On top of this, ask for Metronidazole at 400mg on a week course, taking 1,200mg per day - this is an antibiotic which focuses on womens infections such as PID and vaginosis. I am starting these two days after the procedure.

Finally, please don't be suprised if the bleeding and niggly pain continues. Keep yourself topped up with pain killers and frequently change pads and you will be fine

My experience
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Obviously, we were so devastated to lose Edan, and we wanted to do the right thing for us, which isn't for everyone. We chose MM because we wanted to take Edan home (expect to be asked to sign a consent form), because we were concerned about the risks of scarring or Ashermans as the surgical procedure my hospital uses includes scraping and because we wanted closure.

We went in, were put in a private side room and I was given a gown. The toilet was just outside, and we had a tele and everything. Blood pressure and temps are taken, then you are given two pessaries. These are two hexagonal tablets and a lump of 'goo' each to keep them in place. Honestly, I expected to be screaming in agony almost immediately, but nothing happened. I was given Tylenol and Codeine and sat watching TV and reading magazines. After about three hours I had a small amount of blood so put on some pads. At this stage, I had a big cry because it all felt real.

The nurse will give you a second lot after around three hours if needed. I must say, this kicked things going. The pain did increase, but it was manageable. At no time for me did the pain go over a bad period cramp, but it was maybe sharper. It wasn't the screaming agony I expected.

Though, I stood up of the bed and blood started running down my legs and right then I freaked. My DH got a bedpan and I crouched now and clots began to flow out of me and I cried and cried. I felt faint, and like I couldn't cope. Once this slowed again, I got back into bed and felt very upset. The nurse will pop in and take the bedpans away so they can be checked. Whilst this was scary, honestly, I got used to the drill quite quickly. You will feel a gush, then the best thing to do is get to the loo, crouch over the bedpan let it happen for a little while and it will slow off again. This can be scary, but I was amazed how quickly I dealt with this and coped.

I will say though, DON'T use the loo when things get underway. I was crouched and very suddently EVERYTHING related to bubs came out of me. It looked like a large large clot, and layed on top of it all was Edan. I was sick with the shock to be honest, but it was the most beautiful thing. He was tiny, very pale white with a perfect but tiny little body. I got the chance to hold his little hand then I called the nurse and she took him away, cleaned him up and then put him in a little box for us to take home. I hope this doesn't sound too weird, but it made every second of it worthwhile to me, and the sense of closure was amazing. It was such a rush of love.

After that, they were happy that all the product was out so they let me get dressed and I was told I could go when I wanted. It can be uncomfortable to walk because of the gushes, but the pain was totally manageable. I got a lift home and we got in and buried Eden in his little memorial garden we will fill with plants today then I got in bed. The bleeding is very heavy at first, and I was going through about 2 pads an hour. This has slowed this morning and the pain is much less today, just niggles of things going back to normal.

I hope I have done this justice. It is scary at first, and it does hurt at times, but it's nowhere near unbearable, and they give you painkillers frequently. However, being able to bring Edan home, and to have that level of closure was perfect for us. I am so glad we made the choice we did, even though it was difficult at times.

Thank you for reading our story. And thank you so much for everyone's support. Whilst my heart is still broken, I know we will get through this, eventually. Huge and love all round. If anyone wants to ask any questions, any time. Please feel free.

Iam really please and happy for you. I wish you all the best in your recovery.

You are so brave and strong.
Massive loads of love to you and your hubby (I know Im aware of his name but not sure if you wanted it posted )
I think this will help make the choice of what to do a lot easier for a lot of girls once they can read this and know what happens with medical management.
I am glad you have got Eden in his own little memorial garden,I imagine it will help a lot over the next few weeks with the mourning process..
Look after yourself as much as you can sweetie.Big kisses and thinking of you lots.
xxxxxxx

*hugs* thank you for sharing. Feel better...

Huge hugs! Well done hun for being so strong! And that post will help countless women!! I hope youre on the road to recovery with Eden watching over you xx

Hi sweetheart

I can't thank you enough for posting your experience in such detail. You are brave for what you went through and for sharing. I am really pleased that you managed to bury Eden.

I am still in limbo. Things are not moving naturally but after reading your experience with the tablets, I may consider this over the ERPC. My main worry was labour type contractions and excessive blood loss but it seems you were very looked after at the hospital. I am giving myself until Sunday night to decide. I think I am feeling scared and nervous about what the right option for me is and so am burying my head in the sand. Not the best way really.

xxx

Thanks so much girls

Sk100, my heart goes out to you sweetheart. I honestly felt the same. Even sitting in that room waiting I cried that I had done the wrong thing, and I did the same when I started bleeding. It is scary at first, because it feels a little out of control but once you get a system in place for knowing what to do and when you need to do it, then it becomes very manageable. I think I waited too long to go to the loo first time, so the blood seemed overwhelming. Pain wise, it hurt much much less than I was expecting. I ache today, but that's not really surprising. The worst it got was a sharp twingy style of period pain, but never at any stage did I feel like I couldn't cope or that it was overbearing. The nurses gave us space, but were always a bell away and would of been more than happy to give more pain relief if I felt I needed it, just didn't. It was graphic, and if you would rather have a level of abstraction from it (which I can utterly understand) then I would suggest the DnC still - as you really have to live through this and you know everything which is happening.

If you want to PM me anytime at all to ask anything, please don't hesitate sweetheart. I was in that limbo stage and I know how hard it is. Anything I can do to help.

Thanks for sharing your experience, it will help me prepare for tommorow when I go for the second stage of medical management. I feel for you, I have cried every day since I found out last Thursday. I wish you all the best for the future x

Thanks so much for your reply. I don't even know anymore what I am scared of. It is stupid. Sunday evening is my cut off. I am really glad for you that it is over physically and that you carried out your wishes with Eden. I will keep you posted. Have a good rest and atke care xxxx