I just tried to respond to some one on here but I don't think it happened.. Have joined today after being told by a lovely woman at work yesterday to get on here. Yesterday I LOST IT at work. Floods of tears first thing due to getting the news that the fourth woman in my office is pregnant. She is just returning from maternity in fact and I know she has had a hard time and I am really happy for her but it just tipped me into distraught mode. I was told to go home and now my therapist and caring friends have told me to take the rest of the week off. I had my miscarriage in July after 18 months of TTC. At 5.5weeks we had a scan and there was a strong beautiful heartbeat but then I was told I had fibroids and one was very close to the baby. At 10.5 weeks I miscarried and it was the most painful and horrific experience ever. I carried on though, as that is what I do but the pain and strain on me and my partner has seemed to increase as time has gone by. On arriving back at work the three women I share an office with announced their pregnancies, one after the other. One is a week behind what I should have been and now the fourth is returning at just over three months. I feel sometimes like I am being punished or like the universe is conspiring to teach me something,yet I haven't fathomed what it is yet. My neighbour is also pregnant, exactly in line with what I should have been as is my partners ex, who is a close friend. So much to cope with and I thought I was doing ok but now I realise I was not. I have had tinitus since the miscarriage and this week, in all my sadness it seems to have reached its peak in terms of volume. I am having acupuncture, osteopathy and taking herbal medicines all to treat my fibroids as fertility clinic can offer no help. Yet I still have not conceived and now unfortunately my relationship is at such a low ebb I wonder sometimes if that is maybe for the best. In may and june I was so happy and so full of the promise of our child and now I feel numb, confused and totally lost through the loss of that promise. I have spoken to friends and family but few people understand so I wanted to give myself the opportunity to be understood by so many of you who clearly do. Thank you.xxxxxxxxx

xxx

Thank you! I think the worrying thing for me now is the fact my relationship has hit the skids. My partner, like yours has found my difficulty to come to terms with everything hard and I have struggled with his detachment. I am now looking at him wondering if I am even meant to have a child with him due to how impossible it seems to be and our constant clashing in response to our grief. Neither of us have any children but both like you longed so much for this baby. Feels like my worlds crashing down and I dont even have the foundation I thought I had four months ago to work from. x x x

Please don't give up hope. I too joined this morning in search of some support, I've been ttc for over two years and my first pregnancy is ending in miscarriage. I'm going through medical miscarriage at the moment at 12 weeks, but the baby stopped developing 5 weeks ago, and its the most heart wrenching thing you will ever go through. I'm scared about tommorow when I go back in hospital for the last lot of tablets. I'm scared about not being able to conceive again in the future. I guess we have to stay hopeful and I'm sure it will happen when the time is right.

I know what you mean about being surrounded by pregnancy. My colleague at work has just had a baby, and I have another colleague also pregnant at the moment, my best friend also conceived around the same time as me. Our time will come.

My friend recently went through the same mc experience and she was pregnant several months later and has gone on to have a healthy baby boy. Good luck x

little boppo,

I know how you feel, me and my husband were soooo happy since finding out I was pregnant, but everything changed in a matter of minutes at our scan.

I too wonder whether we just aren't meant to have a baby together but I know that we must get through this or else we'll never have that chance. Best wishes x

Hi

Miscarriage does put a huge strain on your relationship, I really hope you guys are able to work through this and become stronger together.

Sophie x

Hey hunni thanks for your post on my thread. I to am going thro a mc at the min (well not one but two) had one in my uterus and one just outside my ovary.

I passed the one in uterus last week but am having treatment for the ectopic. I have no choice but to have a break for 3 months. I am gutted but after my 6th loss cus I am counting this as 2 losses I am hardened.

Like you ladies everyone around us is pregnant, hubbs best friend due in Feb, sis in law had her baby in September.

We have had our rows too recently specially after this loss think it hit us both and he doesnt want me to rush again but we have talked and talked and said we would rather have each other than a baby

I didnt want another child before my 3rd loss but now having lost another 3 its my only hobby ! Im 37 and not getting any younger !

You put into words what I've been struggling to name - "the loss of the promise". It's not only the grieve over the lost baby, but also grieve over the future that will not come. It hurts the most.
It breaks my heart to watch my husband trying to be the strong one. He's hurting too but in a different way. They all cope with the loss their own way and sometimes it could be the way we could see as being detached or ignorant.
Having someone to share the pain is so important. Maybe tell him how you feel?
be strong sweetie.
We must believe it gets better.

xx

That is so so true ashii! Im so sorry for your loss its heartbreaking.Dont give up everyone expresses grief in a differant way.I know what you mean about feeling like your being taught something by the universe that you cant figure out and the whole being surrounded by pregnant people is so incredibly difficult.I just saw a girl i went to school with uploading pictures of her new baby boy im happy for her but so furious with the world and how unfair it is, she smoked, drank coffee and did everything wrong yet i did everything right and im the one who suffers loss.Where is the fairness in that? I'll never understand it and its hard not to feel bitter and jealous hope your ok hun sending hugs

Thank you shocker. We need to stay strong

In my town I see young girl sitting in front of McDonalds, visibly pregnant, smoking, eating junk and drinking Stella. Lovely.
And I haven't even drank a drop of coffee or taken a pain killer for headaches... So unfair, especially when you know that they don't even want those babies...

xx