Hey ladies.

So, I had my first miscarriage the other day. I found out I was pregnant for the first time on October 5th and miscarried October 28th.. I was 7 weeks 4 days pregnant. I went through the whole "D&C" procedure and now I'm attempting to recover but feeling very lost.

I know that Michael is just as lost and sad about this as I am but I feel like I'm pushing him away. I feel distant. Like I don't want to be around anyone or do anything. I was supposed to spend the day catching up on school work and have done pretty much nothing. I can't focus at all.

I'm so torn between wanting to get pregnant again and never wanting to have sex again/get pregnant again. Which isn't like me at all. I love children and I want more than anything to have a family and so does Michael. We weren't trying for this baby, we were NTNP and hoping for a little miracle. We aren't married yet and were sort of waiting to do that first but we wanted so badly to start a family together that we weren't preventing either. We were both so ecstatic about the baby and now the bean is gone and I just feel.... sad.

I don't want to get in a rut and let this take over my life but I'm scared. I'm scared to have sex. I'm scared to get pregnant. I'm scared of losing another baby. I'm trying to tell myself that this was for the best in the end and that it must have been for a good reason that the baby didn't make it, but, it's hard. How could this have been for the best? How could this have happened for a reason? Michael and I would have been great parents and we loved that baby from the moment we found out. I don't know, I'm just sad and nervous.


To top it all off, Michael has gotten other ex's pregnant in the past and all resulted in miscarriages. This is a total of 4 or 5 miscarriages for him. Granted the other girls were high risk for various reasons to begin with, but still. This makes us both wonder if it's something to do with him. But I don't even know where to begin to figure that out. I know that most doctors won't do testing on me considering this was my first pregnancy and otherwise I'm considered "normal and healthy" but, can't someone run tests on him? To make sure everything is okay with his sperm and this was just a horrible coincidence? Will my doctor run those tests? Anyone have any idea where to go for that?

Seriously, I'm just so lost. And so scared of letting this take over. I wanted that little baby so bad. I miss the baby bean.

Im so sorry you have gone through this, i recently miscarried my first pregnancy and its so incredibly difficult.A part of me wants another baby right this second in a seriously desperate way and another part of me never wants to have sex again not to mind get pregnant.I actually thought i was the only one i love children aswell and want more than anything to have a family of my own.I think the grief is too raw right now, give it time and you will want this again, it will be scary yes but also but worth it.Its natural to worry theres something wrong with you or him, but after miscarrying your first pregnancy your chances are 1 in 6 which may seem scary but those chances are really good compared to the 1 in 5 of a first pregnancy with no history of it.Im sorry to say that a woman has to have 3 miscarriages before tests are done but ive never heard of it for men.Its likely you will have to go to a private fertility specialist for tests.Hope your ok and sending hugs xx

Hi

I wish I could do my reply to you more justice; but I am zonked as we are moving (yeah I know; totally bad timing). I have some books that say they can check the sperm for various things, obvious are count and motility but they can look more closely at how the sperm are moving; if they are the correct shape but I don't think they can check genetic problems in the sperm themselves as they are just too tiny; they can check embryos in fertility treatment but otherwise at least I know from my friend where this was the diagnosis they just figured it out from the kind of losses she was having and they genetically tested the actual foetuses and said this was a problem from her husbands swimmers basically. It was a while back; as I am no longer in touch with her but this is what I remember from what she told me.

Soph x

I think the fear is completely normal, I'm also desperate to be pregnant again, but so scared of having to go through a mc again. My only comfort is thathopefully next time I will be listened too more if I feel that things aren't right.

We are planning to go and see our GP in the next few weeks for some advice and support, it may be worth seeing them with ur OH and they ma be able to run some basic tests,and hopefully next time keep a closer eye...

hug im so sorry

Dont be scared to have sex again hun, though i know where your coming from iv (now)had two m/c.

Wish i knew what to say...but you and your OH (mine is also called michael how confusing)clearly love each other and i hope for you two in time youl have a baby.

But there migh tbe something wrong with him...or it could be bad timing...but anyway

im so sorry

huggg

Thanks for all the support ladies!
I'm doing better now. I don't think a day will go by that I don't think about that little baby, but, I'm definitely feeling better.

Thanks for all the support ladies!
I'm doing better now. I don't think a day will go by that I don't think about that little baby, but, I'm definitely feeling better.

So sorry for your loss huny. I know exactly how you feel the whole sex thing scared of trying again thing and also if there is something weong with my partners sperm or my embryos. Its just so frustrating and in the mean time you are moarning the loss of your baby bean its really hard. Just keep ur chin up hun, i hope we both get the answers we are looking for and the beautiful baby at the end of it :-) x x hugs coming your way x x x

I feel the same as you kristalee I am desperate for another child but petrefied of going through this again dont think i could cope, I felt like I was the only one xx

Same here ladies, i miscarried week before xmas! Really want to get pregnant again, just waiting for period!

Hugs to all for your loss xxx