Hi,

I just wanted to share my story with you as I find talking/sharing my experience with others seems to really help me.

At the start of December I found out I was PG after TTC for over a year and a half. DH and myself were over the moon and couldn't believe it. In January I went for my first scan at just over 8 weeks which showed a heartbeat but my Gyni said I was only measuring at 7.2 weeks. This worried me slightly as I knew the exact days we BD'd on so knew he was wrong. To put my mind at rest I went back 4 days later for a re-scan and this time the baby measured correctly for the dates and showed a very strong heartbeat. I got a pic from the scan which I brought home with me and showed to everyone. Myself and DH got very caught up in it all and were very excited as it was going to be our first. Then 10 days later I started spotting very lightly, it was only on one occasion but enough to worry me. As it was a Sunday I couldn't ring my gyni so I rang my local hospital who told me to come in for a scan. My worst fears were confirmed - the scan showed the baby had died at 8.5 weeks which would have been very shortly after our last scan which showed a healthy heartbeat. We were absolutely devastated and in total shock. I refused to believe it. We left the hospital and all of a sudden our lives looked and felt totally different. I rang my Gyni on the Monday to tell him the sad news. He gave me a choice of what I could do - either have a D&C or else try pessaries to see if my body would expel the pregnancy naturally. I opted for the latter. I took the pessaries on the Wednesday and went through the most horrendous experience of my life to date. The pessaries brought on a bleed but also really bad labour contractions - I was doubled up in pain from 9pm at night until 5am the following morning. Then shortly after 5am I went to the bathroom and passed the baby. It was devastating and very disturbing but in a way was also quite comforting. Once I passed the baby the contractions stopped. Following on from that I had to have a D&C anyway as the pregnancy was too far along. I had that done the following day and then was finally able to get on with my grieving. I then went through the worst 2 weeks of my life. I was devastated, angry and very confused. I partly blamed my Gyni as after our last scan he told me it was quite rare to miscarry once a healthy heartbeat was seen. I got angry with DH as he seemed to be coping much better than I was. I was sick and tired of everyone telling me 'oh it will happen again' or else 'at least you know you can get pregnant'. I know they were only trying to help me but it was the last thing I wanted to hear.

Anyway it is now 2 weeks since it happened and I just wanted to say to others who are going through what I have just gone through, that it WILL and DOES get better. Emotionally I feel much stronger than I did 2 weeks ago and I am amazed at how strong I feel. I have talked through my experience over and over again with family/friends and I know they are probably sick of hearing about it now at this stage but it has been my way of dealing with the grief I was going through. I keep telling myself every so often that God/Nature intervened in my pregnancy and stopped it from going any further as it wasn't quite right. I am now looking forward to trying again in a few months time and please God it will happen for us quickly and we will finally get to hold our little baby in our arms.

Bless you Snowflake. Your story is such a very sad one but one with a positive ending.

I can totally relate to some of your story. I am not sure when my LO stopped growing but I knew in my heart something was wrong.

After going to A&E and talking with a heartless doctor, I had the bad cramps and passed the baby within 48 of my visit. It was very distressing.

I too am feeling more positive about life and what will hopefully happen.

Good luck in your journey xx

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss It sounds like you have a great support system there though, which I think is very important at times like these

I hope you are staying positive. Your story sounds very much like my 2nd miscarriage except that i opted for the D&C right away as I was 11 weeks when I started to miscarry. I too blamed the hospital because they just treated me as a routine case. However, I knew from the moment i was pregnant that it did not feel right. Everyone kept saying to me too, 'at least you have a child' but it's no consolation when you lose one. Stay strong, stay focused and you will get there.

i am so sorry to hear about your loss! i have been through the same i lost my baby at 9 weeks in august last year my baby had not grown from a 4 week feotus and i passed it at 9 weeks i was still in so much pain and i still cant stop thinking about it now everyday! im glad your feeling abit better and that you have people to depend good luck with everything honey x

Hi

So sorry for your loss and thanks for sharing your story.

I had my d&c 5 days ago after my foetus had no heartbeat (like you there had been a heartbeat on earlier scans) - I was 10 weeks. I have cried since and also cried for five days prior to the operation once I had heard the bad news but was waiting on the d&c. I am glad that things do get better as at the minute I could not face going back to work. I too am angry at my husband as while he has been very supportive he is living life as normal and going to work etc....and I resent that fact that he can do this. I know this is a stage that will pass and I am obviously feeling hormonal and emotional at the minute. It is encouraging to know that hopefully in a week or so I will feel better.

Thanks xx

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Hi AS1,

I just wanted to say to you that I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss. I know exactly what you are going through but honest to God, as time goes by, you WILL start to heal and feel better but in the meantime take as much time as you need to grieve and get over this terrible thing. I took a full 2 weeks off work and I know there was no way I could have gone back sooner.

I found reading a few books on miscarriage really helped me and answered some of my questions that my Gyni didn't really have time to answer! I also started back to acupuncture last week and again it helps as I really feel I am doing something to benefit me and my body. So when you are ready do something for yourself that will make you feel even a little better. Everything little bit helps.

Snowflake,

When i read through your post, it sounds so similar to mine, i also took the pessaries and the pain of the contractions was so bad. I was also bleeding from 8:30pm till 5:30am and i hionestly though everything had come out.

I took the pessaries on the 22 Jan, and yesterday still get told i had to have d+c for 2cm of tissue left is devasting.I think its hard when you take the pessaries because you think ts going to be over and then you have to have a d+c anyway, its liek a never ending circle.

I know what you are going through and its hard when everyone thinks your over it but your still going through it.

I have my sister in law that was four weeks ahead of me, and it hurts so much, because has her bump is growing, mine is gone.

Physically + mentally it is hard, and only through talking with people in similar situations i think you get some strength back and hope again.