I'm so sorry for your loss sweetheart. I went through a similar experience as you but in a slightly different way.

At 21 weeks I can my scan (same as you) on the 30th June 2009. I'd been having awful nightmares and visions throughout my pregnancy about my baby dying at 25 weeks (I don't know why I just knew that she wasn't going to survive!) and I told my sonographer about these dreams at my scan. She said it was normal to be worried and if I wasn't worried they would be something wrong. She scanned my baby and kept going back to the head. It got me worried and then she went for a second opinion. They then sent me to pre-natal diagnosis where we met the consultant and found out that our baby girl (we didn't know she was a girl at this point) had spina bifida and hydrocephalus.

We didn't want to have a termination but the doctors advised us too. We went for more tests including an MRI scan and went to see a specialist in Oxford. The MRI scan brought up that she was almost definatley blind and possibly deaf. If was a higher liason (the higher the gap the worse it is) and that she was paralysed from the chest down. She had brain damage and if we continued the pregnancy she was likely to die before or at birth. If she did survive birth she wouldn't reach her 1st birthday.

We were devasted but decided the best thing to do was have the termination. I had to have a injection to stop her heart and it was the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever had to do! I was 25 weeks when I was induced 4 days later. I gave one push and everything was delivered (placenta and all). I was too all over the place - I was in labour a total of 15 hours and went through 2 bottles of gas and air, 3 shots of diamorphine, a failed epidural, paracetamol through a drip and finally morphine. I bled for 18 days afterwards (the last 5 days were light) and had 2 sort of periods since.

I don't believe your baby died from the stress but I don't know the ful story and so I can't really say! Although it is a factor in some miscarriages it isn't in all miscarriages. Did you get offered a post mortem? If so did you take up the offer? We decided not too as we knew what was wrong with our baby girl but if we had taken it they would have done some DNA testing with our blood and Chloe's blood to see if it was in our genes. I don't know if a similar thing was offered to you.

As for trying again we were told to wait 3 months (as I'm on a high dosage of folic acid) but we have started trying already (after 2 cycles - but they are messed up!). Well when I say trying we're not really but we're not trying not too if that makes sense too! E.g. No protection! It took 3 months when we were trying for Chloe so we're expecting to get pregnant around Christmas time!

I know our stories are different but I know the pain of loosing a little one. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you are ok. The first few days after Chloe was born were a blur - I didn't know what day it was and spent most of the time either in bed or in my dressing gown on the sofa. But things get better sweetheart.

Lots of hugs!

So sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience on 2nd August 2009. I still cry for my baby everyday and am waiting to be able to try again. I'm not sure whether I'm ready emotionally or not but I just yearn to be pregnant again.

i just wanted to express my deep and hearfelt gratitiude to everyone who responded to my post. i'm so sorry i went quiet. i lost the URL for my posting and found it only just now. i am so so sorry for everyone who has lost a baby, there are just no words to describe the degree of broken hopes and dreams that accompanies something like this and the unbearable mental aguish and physical pain.

thanks again for all your posts. they help me infinately more than i can express here

Oh darling, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Hugs and love

so sorry 4 your loss hun xx

so sorry for your loss x