| My baby
How do I say goodbye ... when I didn't get to say hello?
I want so bad to keep you ... how do I let you go?
I have so many dreams, so much love I want to share
There's nothing I can do ...why is life unfair?
You're my perfect angel...I dreamed you long ago
I never got to hold you but it breaks my heart to let you go
The pain and confusion I feel inside
I can not explain...I can not describe
God will rock you in your cradle and watch you as you sleep
I will love you in my heart ... it's all I get to keep
you are blessed my child ... you're in heaven up above
You'll never be alone...you have Mommy & Daddy's love
Hush my little baby...you need not ever cry
You were always wanted! I wish you didn't die
You'll be my sunshine in the daylight and the brightest star at night
Reach for God's hand and go to the light
I would rather endure the pain of losing you right now
Then the thought of you suffering thru life...we'll get thru somehow
I was blessed to have you briefly...even though I have to let you go
I wish I knew the reason but I guess I'll never know
I decided to try for another baby when Emily started school so i could have loads of one on one time like i did with Emily,I was very lucky and got my BFP within 2/3 months. Unfortunatley i never got to see Emilys first full day at school.
I was 15 weeks pregnant when i started spotting just a tiny bit, i didn't want to admit what could be happening so i didn't tell anyone, i was still spotting the next day and i still didn't tell my OH, just got Emily off to school for 1/2 day, then calmly phoned my MW.
She called the hospital and arranged for a scan for me, only then did i call my OH at work and tell him what was happening, as he was on his way home i went upstairs and packed a bag, i just had this gut feeling that this was the end of it.
I went to the hospital and was scanned and there was no haertbeat, the told be that baby had probably died a few weeks ago, thats when i lost it i could not cope with the fact that i had been carrying my baby around when he had died ( we were convinced it was aboy).
I wanted to leave the hospital and just go home but they wouldn't allow it, i had to stay in and have the op. OH couldn't understand it when i told him to go home and get my bag it was already packed.
It became very sureal from then on and i sort off blanked out why i was in hospital, i was cracking jokes and went mad when they said i would have to remove my false nails. It wasn't real to me at all.
I don't know how to finish this story sorry iam in tears
WE had decided to call the baby Matthew John
so this is to remeber you Matthew
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come strait here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!" | 
i cant say anything to that, just sending you my (((((((((cuddles ))))))) and prayers
xx
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