What did you do to remember your little one?

Jessa · May 5th, 2009, 16:43 PM

I just got back from my first appointment with a counsellor. I need help processing these feelings of grief that I'm experiencing, so I can move on in a positive way after my miscarriage at 17 weeks three months ago.

She commented that for some they get a sense of closure when they do something to remember their unborn baby by. I've read some of you have planted trees or gotten tattoos.

What have others done to remember? Big or small things. I just need some ideas to think about. Thanks!

todteach · May 5th, 2009, 18:35 PM

Jessa this is a great idea, and one that I haven't done myself. Perhaps I will try to do something to help myself with my grief...........but it's so difficult choosing something significant that would leave such a strong impression. I fear that if we planted a special tree or flower, it too would die (as I don't have much of a green thumb, or the best of luck) and I would be left with more sorrow. Anyways, I did find a website with lots of different ideas for grieving families: hope something here helps you out. Sending you

Many moms coping with miscarriage find it comforting to create some kind of memorial to remember the baby lost to miscarriage. In fact, many women find that honoring the baby is a crucial part of coping with pregnancy loss. The best way to remember your baby is whatever holds the most meaning for you, but below are some suggestions of miscarriage memorial ideas.

Name Your Baby
Many women find that giving the baby a name -- perhaps even having a naming ceremony -- helps them find closure and grieve the baby as a real person rather than an idea. If you were too early along, choose a name that matches your gut feeling about the baby's gender or use a gender neutral name.

Wear or Make Miscarriage Memorial Jewelry
Numerous online retailers sell beautiful handmade miscarriage jewelry, such as rings and memorial pendants with angel or footprint themes. Many of these retailers are mothers themselves with personal experience with pregnancy loss. Alternatively, if you are artistically inclined, you could make your own miscarriage memorial jewelry.

Write About Your Baby
Even though what you are going through may be something you do not want to remember, getting your feelings down can be therapeutic. Writing in a journal can be like confiding in a friend who will never judge you. You might also wish to start a blog about your experience or create an online memorial page for your baby. Many women choose to write poetry or songs in honor of their babies, also.

Plant a Tree or Garden
Planting a tree or garden is a wonderful way to memorialize any lost loved one. Some women plant a tree on the anniversary of the miscarriage or on the due date of the pregnancy. If you do not have a yard or other space in which to plant a tree, or if you do not have a green thumb and fear your planted tree would not survive, numerous environmental organizations will plant a memorial tree in a state forest in return for a small donation.

Keep an Angel Statuette in Your Home
If you think of your baby as an angel, you're not alone -- many moms who have had miscarriages picture their babies as angels. Placing an angel statuette or figurine in a prominent location in your home is one way to incorporate the memory of your baby into your daily life.

Order a Memorial Plaque or Crystal
If you have a good ultrasound photo of the baby from before the miscarriage, you may wish to scan the photo and order a memorial plaque or other keepsake (such as an engraved crystal piece) to honor your baby. Several companies offer this kind of a service over the Internet.

Have a Teddy Bear or Special Pillow
Many moms long for something to hold after losing a baby to miscarriage. You may find it comforting to keep a special teddy bear, pillow, or blanket that reminds you of your baby. Some charitable organizations will provide these items to couples grieving miscarriages.

Donate to a Charitable Organization
Several charities center around increasing pregnancy loss awareness or supporting couples dealing with a miscarriage or stillbirth. Alternately you may want to donate to a charity that is meaningful to you for other reasons.

Jessa · May 5th, 2009, 19:44 PM

Hi todteach,

Thanks for the ideas. I think it's a good idea. My counsellor said that if we compare a miscarriage against a funeral of a loved one, the difference is that a funeral has a ceremony that provides closure, while a miscarriage doesn't normally (unless you're farther along).

She commented that for many women, once they find some way to have closure, they are able to process their grief a little easier. I feel like it is a good idea for me and may help me with moving on.

I combined a couple of the ideas in your post and am thinking about buying a plaque to put on a tree somewhere. You know how sometimes you can buy trees in memory of loved ones? That way, it's like donating to a charity AND planting a tree, but I don't need to worry about it dying since a professional will look after planting and watering it.

Hmmmmm....now I have some research to do about whether there's somewhere in my area to do that.

Thank you SO much! I feel better already!

maddiwatts19 · May 5th, 2009, 19:50 PM

hey hun..
firstly, i'm sorry for your loss

i have had 2 miscarriages now. the first at 5 weeks, when i didnt know i was pregnant till i was miscarrying and the second at 12 weeks.
to remember our angels, me and OH had a plaque made up, and its in my mum and dads garden, in a special flower bed that me and OH made up.
the plaque reads ;

"our darling angels, taken from us too soon.
too precious for this world. we will always remember you.
you will always be in our hearts.
28.12.07 and 05.03.08
we love you"

i hope you can find something you feel is appropriate to remember your angel

Jessa · May 5th, 2009, 21:01 PM

Thanks, maddiwatts. The verse you had put on the plaque is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Aidedhoney · May 6th, 2009, 05:12 AM

I lost twins at 16wks, when i am feeling down and i want to remember i light 2 candles, also went and got 2 hanging baskets by the front door. Also when i lost my girls the wekend i got home from hospital we sat in the garden till midnight drinking champange and talking/crying/laughing.

Its a very personal thing my OH was against a tree or a bush in the garden in case it died cos he knew i wouldnt be able to cope.

At the end of that day we will never get over our losses but as time passes they become easier to deal with.
xxx

maddiwatts19 · May 6th, 2009, 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jessa

Thanks, maddiwatts. The verse you had put on the plaque is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

thanks hun..
i hope you can find something suitable for you

sukisam · May 6th, 2009, 05:42 AM

Hi Jessa
I'm so sorry for your loss.
When I lost Emily I had a tattoo so did her Daddy ( I had chinese symbol for daughter + he had the one for strength). I also had a star named after her and a tree in the garden- didn't get the tree for a few years so I could cope if it died or we moved house.
For the grief I talked about my beautiful daughter all the time and went to SANDS and a counsellor, it does take a long time but I promise it does get easier to bear. I also framed her scan photo.
Sending you

xxxxxxx

xtashax26 · May 6th, 2009, 06:01 AM

First of all im so sorry you are going through this

When i had a MC 6 years ago i planted a flower, and every year when the baby was due i buy extra flowers for the home, have done this 6 years running now, it gives me a little peace to know that he/she hasnt been forgotten about x i hope you find a way to cope through this x

Jessa · May 6th, 2009, 06:08 AM

Thank you for all your responses. It sounds as though each person has their own personal way to remember. I had originally thought that some sort of physical thing to remember by wouldn't be what I wanted, but I'm definitely starting to see otherwise. I think it would provide me with some closure that I so desperately need. Thanks, everyone!

May 5th, 2009, 16:43 PM	#1
Jessa Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 5,827	What did you do to remember your little one? I just got back from my first appointment with a counsellor. I need help processing these feelings of grief that I'm experiencing, so I can move on in a positive way after my miscarriage at 17 weeks three months ago. She commented that for some they get a sense of closure when they do something to remember their unborn baby by. I've read some of you have planted trees or gotten tattoos. What have others done to remember? Big or small things. I just need some ideas to think about. Thanks!

Status: Offline

May 5th, 2009, 18:35 PM	#2
todteach Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 2,436	Jessa this is a great idea, and one that I haven't done myself. Perhaps I will try to do something to help myself with my grief...........but it's so difficult choosing something significant that would leave such a strong impression. I fear that if we planted a special tree or flower, it too would die (as I don't have much of a green thumb, or the best of luck) and I would be left with more sorrow. Anyways, I did find a website with lots of different ideas for grieving families: hope something here helps you out. Sending you Many moms coping with miscarriage find it comforting to create some kind of memorial to remember the baby lost to miscarriage. In fact, many women find that honoring the baby is a crucial part of coping with pregnancy loss. The best way to remember your baby is whatever holds the most meaning for you, but below are some suggestions of miscarriage memorial ideas. Name Your Baby Many women find that giving the baby a name -- perhaps even having a naming ceremony -- helps them find closure and grieve the baby as a real person rather than an idea. If you were too early along, choose a name that matches your gut feeling about the baby's gender or use a gender neutral name. Wear or Make Miscarriage Memorial Jewelry Numerous online retailers sell beautiful handmade miscarriage jewelry, such as rings and memorial pendants with angel or footprint themes. Many of these retailers are mothers themselves with personal experience with pregnancy loss. Alternatively, if you are artistically inclined, you could make your own miscarriage memorial jewelry. Write About Your Baby Even though what you are going through may be something you do not want to remember, getting your feelings down can be therapeutic. Writing in a journal can be like confiding in a friend who will never judge you. You might also wish to start a blog about your experience or create an online memorial page for your baby. Many women choose to write poetry or songs in honor of their babies, also. Plant a Tree or Garden Planting a tree or garden is a wonderful way to memorialize any lost loved one. Some women plant a tree on the anniversary of the miscarriage or on the due date of the pregnancy. If you do not have a yard or other space in which to plant a tree, or if you do not have a green thumb and fear your planted tree would not survive, numerous environmental organizations will plant a memorial tree in a state forest in return for a small donation. Keep an Angel Statuette in Your Home If you think of your baby as an angel, you're not alone -- many moms who have had miscarriages picture their babies as angels. Placing an angel statuette or figurine in a prominent location in your home is one way to incorporate the memory of your baby into your daily life. Order a Memorial Plaque or Crystal If you have a good ultrasound photo of the baby from before the miscarriage, you may wish to scan the photo and order a memorial plaque or other keepsake (such as an engraved crystal piece) to honor your baby. Several companies offer this kind of a service over the Internet. Have a Teddy Bear or Special Pillow Many moms long for something to hold after losing a baby to miscarriage. You may find it comforting to keep a special teddy bear, pillow, or blanket that reminds you of your baby. Some charitable organizations will provide these items to couples grieving miscarriages. Donate to a Charitable Organization Several charities center around increasing pregnancy loss awareness or supporting couples dealing with a miscarriage or stillbirth. Alternately you may want to donate to a charity that is meaningful to you for other reasons.

Status: Offline

May 5th, 2009, 19:44 PM	#3
Jessa Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 5,827	Hi todteach, Thanks for the ideas. I think it's a good idea. My counsellor said that if we compare a miscarriage against a funeral of a loved one, the difference is that a funeral has a ceremony that provides closure, while a miscarriage doesn't normally (unless you're farther along). She commented that for many women, once they find some way to have closure, they are able to process their grief a little easier. I feel like it is a good idea for me and may help me with moving on. I combined a couple of the ideas in your post and am thinking about buying a plaque to put on a tree somewhere. You know how sometimes you can buy trees in memory of loved ones? That way, it's like donating to a charity AND planting a tree, but I don't need to worry about it dying since a professional will look after planting and watering it. Hmmmmm....now I have some research to do about whether there's somewhere in my area to do that. Thank you SO much! I feel better already!

Status: Offline

May 5th, 2009, 19:50 PM	#4
maddiwatts19 Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 4,835	hey hun.. firstly, i'm sorry for your loss i have had 2 miscarriages now. the first at 5 weeks, when i didnt know i was pregnant till i was miscarrying and the second at 12 weeks. to remember our angels, me and OH had a plaque made up, and its in my mum and dads garden, in a special flower bed that me and OH made up. the plaque reads ; "our darling angels, taken from us too soon. too precious for this world. we will always remember you. you will always be in our hearts. 28.12.07 and 05.03.08 we love you" i hope you can find something you feel is appropriate to remember your angel

Status: Offline

May 5th, 2009, 21:01 PM	#5
Jessa Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 5,827	Thanks, maddiwatts. The verse you had put on the plaque is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Status: Offline

May 6th, 2009, 05:12 AM	#6
Aidedhoney Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,444	I lost twins at 16wks, when i am feeling down and i want to remember i light 2 candles, also went and got 2 hanging baskets by the front door. Also when i lost my girls the wekend i got home from hospital we sat in the garden till midnight drinking champange and talking/crying/laughing. Its a very personal thing my OH was against a tree or a bush in the garden in case it died cos he knew i wouldnt be able to cope. At the end of that day we will never get over our losses but as time passes they become easier to deal with. xxx

Status: Offline

May 6th, 2009, 05:42 AM	#8
sukisam Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Bristol Posts: 639	Hi Jessa I'm so sorry for your loss. When I lost Emily I had a tattoo so did her Daddy ( I had chinese symbol for daughter + he had the one for strength). I also had a star named after her and a tree in the garden- didn't get the tree for a few years so I could cope if it died or we moved house. For the grief I talked about my beautiful daughter all the time and went to SANDS and a counsellor, it does take a long time but I promise it does get easier to bear. I also framed her scan photo. Sending you xxxxxxx

Status: Offline

May 6th, 2009, 06:01 AM	#9
xtashax26 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: london Posts: 139	First of all im so sorry you are going through this When i had a MC 6 years ago i planted a flower, and every year when the baby was due i buy extra flowers for the home, have done this 6 years running now, it gives me a little peace to know that he/she hasnt been forgotten about x i hope you find a way to cope through this x

Status: Offline

May 6th, 2009, 06:08 AM	#10
Jessa Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 5,827	Thank you for all your responses. It sounds as though each person has their own personal way to remember. I had originally thought that some sort of physical thing to remember by wouldn't be what I wanted, but I'm definitely starting to see otherwise. I think it would provide me with some closure that I so desperately need. Thanks, everyone!

Status: Offline

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