Hospital chatter

borntobeamum · May 14th, 2009, 05:57 AM

Iv just posted a thread about similar,

DH dad said to me yesterday, so are you enjoying your time of work,

Oh yes having a blast. DUH..... as if I choose to have some time off, no I would rather still have Gillian, still be pregs and still have her to look forward to, and still be at work........

GRRR.

I do understand that alot of people dont know what to say, my friends (my true friends) have been great, some of them have send a text, just saying thinking of you or something like that, which means alot as I know they dont know WHAT to say or how to say it.

Allure · May 18th, 2009, 03:37 AM

I had two miscarriages last year and i only told a couple of trusted friends and my boyfriend..my boyfriend has been the most supportive, and guess what? he didn't try and make me feel better by saying too much, he'd only be there for me whenever i needed him and would hold me and touch me, this has been the best support ever...the other two friends on the other hand would go like:

*it's for the best
*why are you so upset about it? you're not married!

truth is, nobody can understand how it feels to lose a baby unless it happens to them. i'm sorry for all your losses

, and i hope we'll all fall pregnant again soon and have the cutest healthiest babies ever

Allure · May 18th, 2009, 03:41 AM

I forgot the best one of all..my soon to be mom in law went like..
"what? why? have you had a D&C?" and that was it

butterbaby76 · Jun 5th, 2009, 07:07 AM

hi when i mc twins way back in 1996 i had to sit in the scan waiting area with all the pregnant mums and the midwife came out called my full name and said abortion !!!! i was horrified and quite loudly announced i was having a mc to which the midwife replied " its just a term we use " i appreciate they see this every week but surely they have the training to be a litle more subtle ? as it turns out i mc 1 baby but there was a heartbeat for the other unfortunatly not even a week of complete bed rest could save the remaining baby so i had to go through it all again

nov_mum · Jun 10th, 2009, 08:30 AM

I miscarried at 6 .5 weeks and a friend told me it was just a late period. Ahhhh no, it wasn't!

Mrs Doddy · Jul 15th, 2009, 14:57 PM

Sorry am going to rant and know that people mean well but if one more person says it wasn't meant to be then I am going to scream.

Yes it was meant to be, it was planned, our baby was supposed to have a heartbeat and grow into a healthy child and I was supposed to hold him/her in 6 months time and be happy parents.

This was not meant to happen

Truman · Jul 15th, 2009, 16:36 PM

I am so sorry for all our losses, nothing can take away the emptiness, I know that sometimes people say things without thinking and that we wish they would keep their thoughts to themselves but, they just don't understand and sometimes I think they just have to say something rather than nothing. Yesterday my Manager said "I would give anything to have another baby".... I wanted to say "like I wouldn't" but I just think the words came out wrong, they have no idea how it feels to lose something you love so completely.

I forgive them for their stupidity and remind myself that whatever little time I had with my bean he was part of me and will always be in my thoughts.....

4mummy4me · Jul 15th, 2009, 21:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butterbaby76

hi when i mc twins way back in 1996 i had to sit in the scan waiting area with all the pregnant mums and the midwife came out called my full name and said abortion !!!! i was horrified and quite loudly announced i was having a mc to which the midwife replied " its just a term we use " i appreciate they see this every week but surely they have the training to be a litle more subtle ? as it turns out i mc 1 baby but there was a heartbeat for the other unfortunatly not even a week of complete bed rest could save the remaining baby so i had to go through it all again

A similar thing happened to my mum when she lost her twins at 26 weeks. One lived two days and the other was stillborn. It was awhile ago and when she conceived my brother the drs kept saying I can see you had an abortion she said no and they also stated its a tem they use if they are born early and do not live.
When I lost my little angel my mum advised my closest relatives so they did not say anything as too why I was so moody and upset. Then I had my sil say "I know how you feel a friend of mine had a mc last year and she was gutted. She didnt really want a baby and didnt know who the dad was but she told me how bad she felt when she lost it" I felt like screaming how the hell does that make you understand how im feeling.

Sparklestar · Jul 16th, 2009, 07:31 AM

I had a silent miscarriage at 12+4 but didn't know until 14+6 when i started bleeding. People say the most hurtful things when they are trying to be nice, but the fact is, if you havent been there you don't know anything. I only found out on 9th June 2009 so im still getting those comments. sp xx

My bump · Jul 16th, 2009, 14:12 PM

Ive never said anything like this to someone who has had a misscarriage or lost a child as I usually dont know what to say so just offer condolences. Sometimes I wonder if people feel uncomfortable and say the first stupid thing that comes into their head without thinking through. However this doesnt justify what they say, some people can just be thoughtless!!

I sometimes wish I knew what to say and want to ask questions and offer support but never feel on a personal enough level to do this.

Ignore hurtful comments, your babies will always be your babies and no matter how old they are it doesnt make the pain any less!

Lots of love to you all

xxxxxx

May 14th, 2009, 05:57 AM	#31
borntobeamum Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Glasgow Posts: 489	Iv just posted a thread about similar, DH dad said to me yesterday, so are you enjoying your time of work, Oh yes having a blast. DUH..... as if I choose to have some time off, no I would rather still have Gillian, still be pregs and still have her to look forward to, and still be at work........ GRRR. I do understand that alot of people dont know what to say, my friends (my true friends) have been great, some of them have send a text, just saying thinking of you or something like that, which means alot as I know they dont know WHAT to say or how to say it.

Status: Offline

May 18th, 2009, 03:37 AM	#32
Allure Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Kilimanjaro Posts: 12	I had two miscarriages last year and i only told a couple of trusted friends and my boyfriend..my boyfriend has been the most supportive, and guess what? he didn't try and make me feel better by saying too much, he'd only be there for me whenever i needed him and would hold me and touch me, this has been the best support ever...the other two friends on the other hand would go like: it's for the best why are you so upset about it? you're not married! truth is, nobody can understand how it feels to lose a baby unless it happens to them. i'm sorry for all your losses, and i hope we'll all fall pregnant again soon and have the cutest healthiest babies ever

Status: Offline

May 18th, 2009, 03:41 AM	#33
Allure Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Kilimanjaro Posts: 12	I forgot the best one of all..my soon to be mom in law went like.. "what? why? have you had a D&C?" and that was it

Status: Offline

Jun 5th, 2009, 07:07 AM	#34
butterbaby76 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: birmingham Posts: 479	Hospital chatter hi when i mc twins way back in 1996 i had to sit in the scan waiting area with all the pregnant mums and the midwife came out called my full name and said abortion !!!! i was horrified and quite loudly announced i was having a mc to which the midwife replied " its just a term we use " i appreciate they see this every week but surely they have the training to be a litle more subtle ? as it turns out i mc 1 baby but there was a heartbeat for the other unfortunatly not even a week of complete bed rest could save the remaining baby so i had to go through it all again

Status: Offline

Jun 10th, 2009, 08:30 AM	#35
nov_mum Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New Zealand Posts: 1,098	I miscarried at 6 .5 weeks and a friend told me it was just a late period. Ahhhh no, it wasn't!

Status: Offline

Jul 15th, 2009, 14:57 PM	#36
Mrs Doddy Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Uk Posts: 10,015	Sorry am going to rant and know that people mean well but if one more person says it wasn't meant to be then I am going to scream. Yes it was meant to be, it was planned, our baby was supposed to have a heartbeat and grow into a healthy child and I was supposed to hold him/her in 6 months time and be happy parents. This was not meant to happen

Status: Online

Jul 15th, 2009, 16:36 PM	#37
Truman Other Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: WestYorkshire Posts: 645	I am so sorry for all our losses, nothing can take away the emptiness, I know that sometimes people say things without thinking and that we wish they would keep their thoughts to themselves but, they just don't understand and sometimes I think they just have to say something rather than nothing. Yesterday my Manager said "I would give anything to have another baby".... I wanted to say "like I wouldn't" but I just think the words came out wrong, they have no idea how it feels to lose something you love so completely. I forgive them for their stupidity and remind myself that whatever little time I had with my bean he was part of me and will always be in my thoughts.....

Status: Offline

Jul 16th, 2009, 07:31 AM	#39
Sparklestar Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Kidderminster, West Midlands Posts: 541	I had a silent miscarriage at 12+4 but didn't know until 14+6 when i started bleeding. People say the most hurtful things when they are trying to be nice, but the fact is, if you havent been there you don't know anything. I only found out on 9th June 2009 so im still getting those comments. sp xx

Status: Offline

Jul 16th, 2009, 14:12 PM	#40
My bump Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 1,297	Ive never said anything like this to someone who has had a misscarriage or lost a child as I usually dont know what to say so just offer condolences. Sometimes I wonder if people feel uncomfortable and say the first stupid thing that comes into their head without thinking through. However this doesnt justify what they say, some people can just be thoughtless!! I sometimes wish I knew what to say and want to ask questions and offer support but never feel on a personal enough level to do this. Ignore hurtful comments, your babies will always be your babies and no matter how old they are it doesnt make the pain any less! Lots of love to you all xxxxxx

Status: Offline

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