What not to say: - Page 3

Makeupdubai · Apr 25th, 2009, 11:30 AM

people who havent lost..just dont understand how painful it is!

LeaArr · Apr 25th, 2009, 22:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Makeupdubai

people who havent lost..just dont understand how painful it is!

That's the truth. There is no way to explain it to anyone who hasn't been through it either.

pinknpurple · Apr 30th, 2009, 13:06 PM

I have never had a miscarriage but I did lose my first born son, and I agree some people can be cruel even if it is accidental. One of my "friends" said to me "oh but look on the bright side, you can get your life back now" (I was a teenager at the time) as if the first thing on my mind was all the things I could do without my son, when it was ACTUALLY all the things I now COULDN'T do WITH him. I just want to send hugs to all of you, I'm so sorry for your losses and I will be thinking of you and your angels everytime I remember mine xxx

Hopeful J · Apr 30th, 2009, 14:14 PM

I can't believe how some people's minds work??
I only told a few people and I was a bit fed up of people giving me advice on what to do. I'm sure they meant well but with my missed miscarriage I didnt want to believe it had really happened let alone make a decision about something so important.

I think people say too much and should just say sorry because you are a Mum that lost a baby. They have to acknowledge that if you were even just a little bit pregnant, as far as you were concerned you had seen your baby and it was alive to you.

LauniBug · May 1st, 2009, 17:28 PM

I've heard many of those and more. I think people just have no idea what to say and since they don't understand what it's like, they say whatever pops into their head- however hurtful.

The worst one I got was a friend telling me (a few days after my m/c) that she had miscarried too, but she was relieved because she would have aborted anyway. Talk about insensitive!

gemsio · May 2nd, 2009, 18:23 PM

Oh i have heard all of those! i think the worst thing i have had said to me was when i told a work collegue about the M/C she said yeah i know how you feel, its coming up to the anniversary of my abortion next next week! to be honest that was the last thing i could take, and pretty told her that NO its not the same, my baby was very much loved and wanted, you made the decision to get rid of yours, so you DON'T know how i feel at all!

tiggy · May 3rd, 2009, 10:22 AM

My best friend ws pregnant with triplets (twins are now 4) wen she found out she lost one she came home in tears for her neighbour to tell her.

Get over it ffs U still have Jack(her eldest son now 5) and u still carrying twins.

Could have slepped the woman that day but lynn was upset enuff.

hayley x · May 3rd, 2009, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinknpurple

I have never had a miscarriage but I did lose my first born son, and I agree some people can be cruel even if it is accidental. One of my "friends" said to me "oh but look on the bright side, you can get your life back now" (I was a teenager at the time) as if the first thing on my mind was all the things I could do without my son, when it was ACTUALLY all the things I now COULDN'T do WITH him. I just want to send hugs to all of you, I'm so sorry for your losses and I will be thinking of you and your angels everytime I remember mine xxx

Im so sorry to hear this... I lost my first born son too almost a month ago now. I am a teenager (20 this month) and I feel exactly the same... everywhere there are babies and its a constant reminder of everything you cant do with your precious baby

The worst I think someones said to me is 'better luck next time' as if Id lost at bingo or my numbers didnt come up on the lottery

xxxx

susan_1981 · May 4th, 2009, 14:02 PM

Oh god, some of the comments you girls have had are awful!!! I think I've been lucky, although I have had a few of the ones mentioned, like:

It wasn't meant to be
Maybe there was something wrong with that baby so it was probably for the best
Don't worry, you'll get pregnant again
You're only young, you've got plenty of time

I've had loads and loads, but luckily no offensive ones. All of the above comments I've had have come from people who don't know what it's like to go through a miscarriage and I know they are just trying to make me feel better.

Chella, your comment from the girl who was pregnant, that's shocking!!! I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have spoken to her again either!

JesseLake · May 11th, 2009, 15:58 PM

my mum used the perhaps it wasnt meant to b and the your young, itll happen again lines and used them in the same sentence, this is my own mum! I lost mine at 5 weeks and decided to name it Jordan. Doesnt matter what people say, it wont bring my angel baby back will it. This was my first pregnancy and only happened last thursday so im still hurting and mourning the loss of baby and want jordan back so badly.

Apr 25th, 2009, 11:30 AM	#21
Makeupdubai Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Dubai (But scottish) Posts: 335	people who havent lost..just dont understand how painful it is!

Status: Offline

Apr 30th, 2009, 13:06 PM	#23
pinknpurple Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Worcestershire, England Posts: 583	I have never had a miscarriage but I did lose my first born son, and I agree some people can be cruel even if it is accidental. One of my "friends" said to me "oh but look on the bright side, you can get your life back now" (I was a teenager at the time) as if the first thing on my mind was all the things I could do without my son, when it was ACTUALLY all the things I now COULDN'T do WITH him. I just want to send hugs to all of you, I'm so sorry for your losses and I will be thinking of you and your angels everytime I remember mine xxx

Status: Offline

Apr 30th, 2009, 14:14 PM	#24
Hopeful J Trying to conceive (TTC) Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 3	I can't believe how some people's minds work?? I only told a few people and I was a bit fed up of people giving me advice on what to do. I'm sure they meant well but with my missed miscarriage I didnt want to believe it had really happened let alone make a decision about something so important. I think people say too much and should just say sorry because you are a Mum that lost a baby. They have to acknowledge that if you were even just a little bit pregnant, as far as you were concerned you had seen your baby and it was alive to you.

Status: Offline

May 1st, 2009, 17:28 PM	#25
LauniBug Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Stephens City, Virginia Posts: 64	I've heard many of those and more. I think people just have no idea what to say and since they don't understand what it's like, they say whatever pops into their head- however hurtful. The worst one I got was a friend telling me (a few days after my m/c) that she had miscarried too, but she was relieved because she would have aborted anyway. Talk about insensitive!

Status: Offline

May 2nd, 2009, 18:23 PM	#26
gemsio Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 97	Oh i have heard all of those! i think the worst thing i have had said to me was when i told a work collegue about the M/C she said yeah i know how you feel, its coming up to the anniversary of my abortion next next week! to be honest that was the last thing i could take, and pretty told her that NO its not the same, my baby was very much loved and wanted, you made the decision to get rid of yours, so you DON'T know how i feel at all!

Status: Offline

May 3rd, 2009, 10:22 AM	#27
tiggy Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sheffield Posts: 732	My best friend ws pregnant with triplets (twins are now 4) wen she found out she lost one she came home in tears for her neighbour to tell her. Get over it ffs U still have Jack(her eldest son now 5) and u still carrying twins. Could have slepped the woman that day but lynn was upset enuff.

Status: Offline

May 4th, 2009, 14:02 PM	#29
susan_1981 Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Kent Posts: 2,134	Oh god, some of the comments you girls have had are awful!!! I think I've been lucky, although I have had a few of the ones mentioned, like: It wasn't meant to be Maybe there was something wrong with that baby so it was probably for the best Don't worry, you'll get pregnant again You're only young, you've got plenty of time I've had loads and loads, but luckily no offensive ones. All of the above comments I've had have come from people who don't know what it's like to go through a miscarriage and I know they are just trying to make me feel better. Chella, your comment from the girl who was pregnant, that's shocking!!! I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have spoken to her again either!

Status: Online

May 11th, 2009, 15:58 PM	#30
JesseLake Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Wiltshire, UK Posts: 54	my mum used the perhaps it wasnt meant to b and the your young, itll happen again lines and used them in the same sentence, this is my own mum! I lost mine at 5 weeks and decided to name it Jordan. Doesnt matter what people say, it wont bring my angel baby back will it. This was my first pregnancy and only happened last thursday so im still hurting and mourning the loss of baby and want jordan back so badly.

Status: Offline

Similar Threads
What to and what not to eat during pregnancy	Pregnancy Club
What not to say to a pregnant lady	Pregnancy - Second Trimester
What to eat What not to eat hmm	Pregnancy - First Trimester
What not to say to someone TTC	Trying To Conceive
What not to say to a Bereaved Perant	Miscarriage Support

User Name		Remember Me?
Password