I think I've probably heard most things on here that are things not to say - but I reckon that friends/ family / colleagues just want to say something.

Several people have said " at least you know you can conceive" but that doesn't tell me if I can carry to term..

worst one last week - which was on day I was due to have had 12 week scan - I thought I'd go to hairdressers to cheer me up. Hairdresser was chatting - asking if I had kids and then said I was lucky not to have them as I could have sleep, do what I want - holidays etc. I really had trouble holding it together. Didn't want to tell him what had happened but wanted to scream - " I don't feel lucky"!

I think worst I've had was my friend saying 'shit happens' wanted to punch her in the face........

My BF just came out with the following gems:

"Your problem is you worry too much" so I said stress doesn't cause mc. And she said "stress does a lot of things"

"You shouldn't have done that long drive yesterday" (2 hours through scenic countryside each way)

"At least it was early (bleeding started @ 4w3d) mine was much worse at 6 weeks"...now I am not taking anything away from the pain of losing a baby later on, but this is not a contest! This was my baby, my hope and dream and it still hurts like hell.

"Well at least it wasn't ectopic this time".....whoopideeedooo let's throw a party...ps it might still be ectopic

I lost my baby in November and I always think about the baby. What I heard the most is "you are still young, try again in a few years." I wanted my baby

Yestarday I miscarried after being 6 weeks pregnant. (I really didn't know that I was pregnant at the time because I got BFN's from the first day after my missed period up until yestarday when I miscarried.) My instincts was telling me that I was pregnant, because I knew my body was showing symptoms that I had never experienced before. For some reason I just continued to listen to doctors tell me that I was not pregnant because I thought they knew more than me. I guess If there is a next time I will know to rely on my own instincts.

Anyways I was totally devastated to be finding out that I was miscarrying. Most of the day consisted of me crying hysterically. My aunt was the only one with me because my mom doesn't drive and my husband was out of town. My mom and my aunt told everyone in my family and that really didn't bother me because I am really close with them all. However I did hear things such as these quotes you mentioned many times over and over considering that I have a huge family. I know this may sound weird but I kind of think it helped me get through the day. I say this because, I had been NTNP for 2 and a half years without any results. I had began thinking that I would never be able to get pregnant. DH and I would have given anything for this pregnancy to have resulted in a healthy baby. The only thing that could make me stop crying was to hear everyone calling me, telling me that atleast now I know I can get pregnant. It gave me hope and something to look forward to. DH left his business trip as soon as I told him what was going on. For some reason he thought that I was stressed by him being on the business trip and that is why I MC. He began saying that it was his fault. I finally explained to him that it was neither one of our faults. Now we are both ok.

[QUOTE=
I'm not sure if it is the same where you are, but when I went for confirmation, I had to sit in the waiting room with pregnant women. This must be incredibly hard to do if you have been very badly affected. In addition to this the sonographer made some comment which made it clear she actually thought I was having a scan to check how far along I was.

It is these kinds of things I think are much worse than well intentioned, but clumsy words from friends. A service which deals with many many women having miscarriages on a regular basis, really should take these things into consideration

Of course, the comment you got was utterly unforgivable, and wouldn't be justified in any situation. I hope you gave that person a piece of your mind.[/QUOTE]

The hospital that I went to was similar to the one that you went to. While I was being pushed through the hospital in a will chair, I was passing people who were getting ready for delivery walking back and forth down the hall ways. All I could do was burst out crying even more after feeling jealous that they were about to deliver a healthy baby and I was MC. It also felt terrible when I was leaving, because when I was leaving there was also a lady who was taking her baby home for the first time and all I was leaving with was my purse. I would never wish MC not even on my worstes enemy.

yeah i had a horrible experience in hospital too...
i was in epu to check if baby was okay and midwife said she was sending me down for a scan and to come back up with the results afterwards. scan shows that we lost baby at 11+1 and she sends us back up to epu. so midwife walks back in and says "oooh it looks like you've got a healthy 10 week baby here!" all excited for us of course, my face said it all. all i could mutter through tears was "that's not what she said downstairs." midwife ran out apologising and came back in 10 minutes later saying she had picked up somebidy elses notes i know it wasn't her fault and mistakes can be made but you REALLY should be careful with things like this. hope all you ladies are doing okay

I had a mmc myself once, and I had to call in to send all you girls and to say that I am sure you will go on to have those babies, just as I did, though I realise that for many of you it is too early for you to want to think of that, so I hope that doesn't count as the wrong thing.


LucindaE
xx

"It's probably because you don't enough red meat" has to be my favourite so far (good God, what would make someone say that?!)

One of the things my friend said to me was that she could relate because she had a "rough first trimester" and that her sister had a MC. I think her heart was in the right place but she really should have known that she cannot relate. It is NOT the same thing at all - you have a healthy baby and my baby never came to be -- there is a HUGE difference. Why can't people just say, "I'm sorry," and not try to pretend they know what you're going through when they don't?