celine

Im sorry Jacky

NikiJJones

Sorry that she showed up, Jacky.
Keep on with the homeopathy. You are OVing: it will get you your very soon, I'm sure.

bird24

hope you are ok hun.....((BIG HUGS))

jacky24

Why is life so cruel, i ask myself why do i always have to hear bad news when all i need is a upliftment in my life.

My aunt phoned me and told me about her SIL whom was in grade 8 when i was in grade 12, she had her baby on friday at 28weeks and the little boy is not very stable at the moment. And mommy is also not very well as she has fallen very ill....

Then i am so depressed about being so F*&^ing fat, i have cut down on almost everything, except smoking but im still a fat blob of me... I use to weigh 134pounds before my wedding and now i am like 220pounds..... Ans according to my frame i should weigh 154 pounds so im a whopping 66pounds over weight.... And all the signs and symptoms of PCOS all my weight is mostly in my belly and arms, i wear a small hotpants and size 36jeans, but a 36DD bra and size 18tops to fit over my WHOLE belly

For once in my life i actually hate the way i look, i hate everything about myself.....

I am just scared that if i get obsessed again out weight loss i might end up doing the wrong things to lose weight, about 4years ago my ex fiance left me as i gained weight, i was trully depressed and lost 41.8pounds in 3months due to drugs and many night of partying and i hardly ever ate anything i went down to a scary 99pounds.

I can feel in my emotions that i am struggling to cope again, this AF was just a huge rude awakening for me, as i need to take some control of my life as i am spiralling into a very dark place again.

*soz my own little release today*

magicvw

Jacky please don't be so hard on yourself! You are a very special and lovely lady who means a lot to so many people - it's horrible to see you so down

Is there someone you can talk to nearby? Sending you massive cyber hugs but I think the real thing is gonna be more effective!

celine

*hugz* Jacks, hang in there, for once I do wish I was in SA to give you a friendly call
As you said af is the wake up call to take control of your life, dont over-do it or be too hard on you.

You're not fat you're curvy and your husband loves you for you. My hubby proposed to me when I weighed my heaviest and used to to tell me I was beautiful then (see why i never beleive a word he says??) Forget about weight, just concentrate on being you Be Jacky the bride who has had a terrible loss last year but is bouncing back everyday.

mwah
Your are a special wonderful lady and dont you ever think otherwise ok?

jacky24

Thanks celine, magic, i am just honostly feeling very down, it is like i know i have something missing in my life, and i had it and now it is gone....

Silly me i know how my emotions are around CJ's date and i still go and read in Mc/and loss i am so stupid
I try and only go read when im strong enough but i always but always take on the pain, sadnessand all the feelings as i trully know how some of the ladies feel as i go thru it every single day of my life.. Some days are just easier than others.

I am just tired of everything and mostly some people around me every day, might end up beating up a young women too close to me for mistreating her child he was born a month before CJ...

Thanks girls if i don't come on for a few day i have taken some days off as i need a brake.

wishing4ababy

just wanted to give you a great big squeeze hun. hope the break does you good and you come back all refreshed and ready to get your

take care of you.

Suzanne

Oh sweetheart your obviously drawn to the M/C forum as you know you can share the experiences of some of the ladys over there! You have been there and I dont think it gets much worse than suffering from a stillborn!

You are one amazing lady, who is no doubt very special to many people (including us girls in here) your DH obviously adores you no matter what size or shape you are! I know when you feel like life has taken over it doesnt matter what anyone says! Its how you feel deep inside that eats away at you!

All you can do is take one day at a time hun, little by little! Sometimes the smallest of things gets overlooked that stops us from progressing, with my weight I always find that if I stop eating past 7pm it helps enourmously! I can then petty much eat what I like as long as im not silly but stop at 7pm and im ok! Walking to the shops one day instead of driving etc, its not always about what we eat!

Im so sorry the showed up for you this month, but your one step closer to starting your cycle over again and hopefully this will be your month! As you say it doesnt help your emotions when you have milestones along the way! CJ would of been 14 months old and that must hurt to know he isnt physically with you hun, but I know that he is with you in heart, mind and soul, no matter where you are or what you are doing he will be with you forever everystep of the way! And when its your time, you will get your LO...

Take a break hun, spend sometime on you, learn to love yourself cos everyone around you loves you so its time you realised that and realised how special you are! Please know we are here for you anytime!

Coffee

Awww just wanted to send you some . You sound to be having a really tough time. You are such a beautiful lady, both inside and out, it's awful to hear you beating yourself up like this. Yours was the first story i read on BnB when i joined and you truly inspired me, i wish there was something i could do to help you in return.
Take care and stay strong