genkigemini

So... a couple of things about today...

My emotions are still doing a bit of a roller coaster but it is okay. I am mostly good but not as "genki" as normal. I will get there but I am still adjusting.

Spoke to the Seattle IVF clinic today and found out a base IVF treatment before any medications, etc is $10,234. He said each round is between $15,000-$18,000 by the time all the meds and testing are included. This does not include travel to and from Seattle from Alaska and a hotel while we are there, etc. If we go the IVF route, we will try to do the "Shared Risk" program, where you basically pay for 2 cycles up front which will give you up to 3 IVFs and 3 Egg Retrivals. If, at the end of all of it, you have not BROUGHT HOME a baby, you get about 75% of your money back. It is more $$$ upfront and if it works on try #1 then you have spent extra money but at least it is some kind of guarentee and that is better for us.

During dinner tonight, Jack and I talked about our options and how we could go about doing money. I am going to look into the possibility of donating eggs for free or discounted IVF. I am also going to look into some of those programs that will give free IVF to a few people every year. (Like a scholarship) Hey... any chance helps, right?

After dinner, we went to see Bolt with our friend Walter and guess who we saw at the theater? My doctor! I got to meet Dr. Elrod's pretty wife, teenage daughter and her two best friends. His daughter was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited to see Twilight. It was very cute! She was like "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He gave me a hug which was really cool and we all chatted for a bit before going to our various movies.

Bolt was ADORABLE!!! It is, hands down, my favorite Pixar movie!!!!! Oh, I will so see it again in the theater. It is so fast paced and funny as hell. I needed a laugh so it was just great!

Tomorrow, I have an interview for my part time job at Barnes and Noble. I told Jack I want to use the money from the part time job towards the IVF fund but he said no. He said that if I want to work a second job then fine but it was my money and I should use it for fun things I want to do like traveling to meetups and hair cuts, etc. LOL SO SO SO SWEET! I love my hubby!

So... life is good and I am happy.

I hope you all have a fab weekend!!!!

rachelle1975

Hey hun

You sound sooooooo positive and that's brilliant - it is also fabulous that if you don't get to bring a baby home, you get your money back! god i wish they offered that in the UK!

Will you try another IUI cycle next month?xx

miel

good you are feeling positive again...

genkigemini

Yeah... we are trying the last round of Clomid/IUI but it almost feels like beating a dea horse to me. We shall see how it goes though.

Today is my job interview at Barnes and Noble! Woot! Woot!

maz

Glad you're feeling a bit more positive hun, and the money back guarantee idea sounds great - and if you get your on cycle #1 then you'll be sooo happy you won't be too worried about the extra cost.

Good luck at your interview...

xx

genkigemini

So, the interview went well and I am sure I will get a call back this week. I will keep you all posted.

I have to be honest in my journal and say that, for the first time in my TTC journey, I am truly struggling with feeling like this is all my fault. I hate that my body is not cooperating. I mean, I though fertility drugs were supposed to make you work properly but even with those drugs, nada. I just hate that I take all these hormones. I turn into a raging bitch at random times of the cycle and my emotions go up and down like Colossus at Magic Mountain yet I still have nothing to show for it but 9 years and 10 months of telling people that "we are trying." So fucking frustrating.

I so want to come into my journal and be upbeat and and say that everything is okay but it is and it isn't. Sometimes since Thursday, I am totally fine and nothing will bother me but then I will see a baby or parents with these kids and it will just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have to say that I have been really blessed with the friends that Jack and I have made over the years. Most of those friends are on my facebook and they are really really helpful with information and advice. I know several people that have done ART and a handful of people who have adopted children and they are always singing the praises of their adopted kids. Jack and I are not to the adoption point yet but maybe someday...

Jack posted at the message board that he hangs out at that he does not think that I am emotionally ready to really consider adoption and it is true. (This is a male dominated gamers board yet he and some of the other men on there talk about their wives pregnancy, TTC and adoptions etc. How cool is that?!) Anyway, he said that right now I have too much concerns over feeling responsible for things and that I would feel like I was missing out on the pregnancy aspect of having a child. He is right and it floored me that he sees it so easily when we have never spoken about me feeling guilty or anything until this week.

I have the best husband in the world. I am one of the few women I know that is really married to her best friend and that makes it all the more difficult that this is taking so long.

Well... I just wanted to get this out. Thanks for reading...

jacky24

maz

for you and your lovely DH

genkigemini

Good morning and Happy Monday!

Today is a new (Holiday) week so I am going to try to focus on the positive. I get Thursday off of work (BONUS!) and a nice meal on Thursday evening with my Mom so it should be cool.

I am a bit tired this morning and do not really feel like talking TTC today so I will just wave and wish you all well!

miel

You made your 2000 posts today lady!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!