genkigemini

So... here is my post appointment update... I warn you... this may be really long. I am still sorting out my thoughts...

So, we get to the appointment and I am really feeling nervous. Like, I was just so unsure what was going to happen but I feel like deep down I just knew something was going to happen.

Anyway... we get to the office and I do the ultrasound and nada... Nothing. Nothing remotely big enough to be a follicle. Especially as cd15 follicle. So... the one interesting thing is that the doctor has never seen fluid build up behind my uterus before (which happens around ovulation for most women) but it was on the scan today so there is a small chance that I did ovulate but a couple of days ago. I had sex like 4 days ago and then last night so if I did O, I am sure I missed the window which just fucking figures but whatever....

So, I am not really sure what the doctor is going to say but everyone is totally let down. (Doc, Nurse, Me and Jack) Then the doc pulls up a chair and starts saying that we really need to think about when we want to call it quits on the whole Clomid route. He says he DOES NOT want me on it more than 6 months and next month would be 6 months so that would be it. He said it was up to us if we wanted to skip that and go straight into IVF as a next step or try for one more month on Clomid and take a final try...

I swear I felt like I got kicked in the stomach. In my mind I was like... IVF?!?!?! Somehow in my mind, I was thinking... okay if Clomid/IUI doesn't work then we can do shots/IUI before IVF but the doc made a really good point. Why throw money away? If we are going to spend so much money for each IUI try, we may as well do one of those programs where you pay for so many IVF and if no baby, you get a 75% refund. It did make sense and Jack and I knew he was telling us the best option but I started crying.

For the first time, I broke down in my doctors office and was a bit of a mess for like a minute until I pulled it back together. I think my nurse felt really bad because she had to leave the office. Anyway, Dr. Elrod said that he would still be my doctor if we did IVF and I could do a lot of my testing and stuff with him and then I could use an IVF doctor in Seattle for the other stuff. (He has worked with them before.)

He gave us a print out of information from the Seattle Reprodutive Medicine place and Jack and I are going to look into it over the next few days and weeks and see how much money we are looking at since this is going to be 100% out of pocket. I joking told Jack that I was going to make a "Donate towards Jack and Sarah's IVF Baby" Paypal account for donations but he said that would be bad.

I have accepted that IVF really is pretty much are last and only hope at this point but we are still going to try the last round of Clomid/IUI next month just in case. No harm in trying, right?

I have been shaken ever since my appointment. I went to work for like 90 minutes and then left because I just can't concentrate. I knew from a young age due to annovulation and lack of periods that getting pregnant would be tricky but I didn't really think I would ever have to go the IVF route but now that the decision is basically here, it is hard to accept in some ways. Is that terrible?

So, we will try one more round next month if I am not pregnant from a possible early O this month and then it will be a money saving waiting game after that... we will see how it goes...

Today I am just a little sad and a little bitter but I am sure it will pass and soon I will be bad to really optimistic Sarah again but it is just not fair how freaking easy it is for some people to get knocked up while others have to go into the poor house just to have the chance at a child...

These are the moments that I question God... (<--- Sorry if I offend anyone but it is true.)

miel

we already talked ...so here is a other...

Mendy

Hello genki...I am so sorry about how your appt went. I know the feeling all to well when told IVF is the only route and there is no sense on continuing with IUI...The good news is you have this last shot at IUI and you never know...you may not even have to go down the IVF route.

And while I do believe in God, I understand how you feel....I myself have questioned God and have wondered what I ever did to deserve all this pain. It's not fair that crackheads and dead-beats can multiply like rabbits and how people who are in happy and stable relationships and want to have a family have such a hard time. I just DON'T get it!

But after getting mad and questioning God...I always pray and pray and hope for my miracle someday.

I wish you the best of luck for your upcoming cycle and I hope at the end of this long hard road you get what you truly want and DESERVE!

Suz

Phexia

I'm sorry you didn't get a good result from the ultrasound

I think it's a good idea to try the clomid thing one more time since it worked last time, it might as well work again. I truly wish I was a millionaire so I could just have you guys sent for a luxury vacation and IVF treatment. You deserve it

I pray the doctor is right about you having maybe ovulated early, there still maybe some hope for this cycle. Try to take care of yourself sweety.

rachelle1975

So sorry it wasn't the result you hoped and wanted hun I know exactly how you feel when all other options apart from IVF are taken away from you.

Fingers crossed for this month regardless and hope you feel better soon x x x

maz

Oh hunni

I am so sorry your scan didn't work out as you hoped - and we all hoped. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your DHs little swimmers find their way to your little eggie, and that you don't need to worry about further IUI and IVF treatments.

genkigemini

This morning, I am doing a bit better. Seriously, we have had such an outgiving of support from friends who have been in similar situations that I think it really helps in some ways. Lots of people I know (who all have adopted children) are really telling us we should try adoption but we are not quite there yet. That being said, it is always an option.

I just found out that a couple that Jack and I consider out best friends suffered a horrible miscarriage at 14 weeks earlier this year and we never knew. Apparently the baby had some chromosonal problems among other things are died inutero. It broke my heart. However, it meant a lot that Kristen told me everything now and what they went through after it.

I am still getting my head around trying to come up with money for IVF. To put this in perspective... I currently make $10/hr. <---shit wages but I am due a raise next month. DH makes more than me but not by a HUGE amount so it should be interesting...

Oh yeah and I have zero insurance to cover this so it is all out of pocket. Sounds awful but cost is absolutely the only think that I am scared of right now. I am completely okay with the procedure. We shall see how things goes... and hey... maybe I O'ed early and this will be my month. Wouldn't that just be ironic!

akcher

Oh hon, I'm sorry you have to make this tough decision. Many LTTCers have come across this crossroad. Picking between injections & IUI and IVF. I wish there is a clear answer to which you should pick. Besides the money back program, there are some locations where they will give you a discount if you are willing to do a egg donation. I also have heard of patients donating usued meds.

Good luck girl, I am here if you need some

chefamy1122