genkigemini

Sorry guys... this post is a bit less upbeat then my normal posts of late but I feel like I should say it.

This may sound dumb but today I just feel old! I always wanted to be a young mother and that is why DH and I started TTC in 1999 when I was only 18. Feb 2009 will be 10 years since we have been TTC and I am starting to feel old and feel the weight of years and years of this endless bullshit. I mean... yes, things are going AMAZINGLY better for us now that I can O but I am scared.

I am scared of what happens if 2 more IUI's fail. Next step is IVF but that is not something that we can afford and would have to consider the cross country move to NJ if it was something we even decided to attempt. We are getting so much closer to our goal of a but on the same hand we are getting so much closer to the end of our rope that it is frightening.

I've always said that DH and I wanted to be parents before he is 40. He was 27 when we started trying and he is 37 now. If we had to do IVF, we could not even consider moving/getting settled/finding a doctor and everything until AT LEAST 2011 because we wouldn't even get out of AK until 2010 and April of 2011 would be DH's 40th birthday.

See how the time is just flying by in my mind. I know I am jumping to conclusions but with 3 shots at an IUI and one of those shots already down, reality is setting in and I'd be a liar if I did not say that in the back of my mind, I am afraid.

Now, I am glad that we did not have a baby when I was 18 as we have both grown together so much over the years but... time is just flying by and I am afraid our time will never come. I am such a baby.

I am not in a bad mood or anything today but I just wanted to lay out my fears so they are off my chest. Now I feel a bit better.

Love you all!

Suz

genkigemini

Amusing note to self...

One of the biggest supporters of my husband's friends for our TTC journey has been Scott Porter. Scott happens to be an actor and has known my hubby for a couple of years now. He was so supportive this whole month since the IUI so I finally got around to watching something he is in and LAUGHED MY FREAKING ASS OFF!!!!!! Here is Scott's IMDB... (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2187603/)

He plays a small part in the Hugh Grant/Drew Barrymore movie "Music and Lyrics" as one part of a pop duo called "Pop" with Hugh Grant and it is HILLARIOUS! Here is their chessy ass video. (Scott is the younger good looking guy... obviously since the other is Hugh Grant! )



It is so funny that this really good looking guy plays Heroclix with my hubby which is a total geek game. (I would know... I was a level 2 judge for the game and still play in weekly tournments! LMAO)

So... sorry to everyone reading my journal... this is just to remind myself that Scott was totally supportive of our TTC journey when I look back on it.

Suz

Yummy!!!! You can bring him to the sleep over

JASMAK

Wishing you all the best on your next IUI.

maz

Hi hun

Not sure if this is an option for your circumstances, but if the clomid and steroid combo helps you to O, can you not continue with it even without IUI? Is it not possible for them to scan and confirm O is about to take place and allow you to do what you need to do yourselves??

rachelle1975

Hey chick,

sorry you are having a wobble day - i bet you will be back to being smiley and upbeat tomorrow. Sometimes you just need to get the thoughts out though.

When are you goin for your next IUI?

genkigemini

I am doing IUI on this current cycle again. Per my doctor, Clomid starts to lose effectiveness after about 6 tries and it is not really good for you to take it much more than 6 months so no... I will stop Clomid when I take IUI. I trust my doctor completely and if he says it is not good for you to take it any longer, I totally believe him.

I am back to being positive again today. cd5 ALREADY so I am starting my Clomid tonight. 10 days still my ultrasound and about 12 days till my next IUI (assuming we have a follicle.) I am trying not to even think about that though because if there was no follicle, I will totally lose it. So, there WILL be a follicle and I WILL have an IUI this month. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

We will just see what happens but this first week of the cycle is FLYING by again so that is always good. If only this damn lingering cold would go.

Well, I am off to the gym this morning, ladies! Talk to you tonight after work! (Or via text if you text me! )

TTFN!

rachelle1975

You are way too perky in the morning

Glad you are feeling super perky and less than 2 weeks until you try for a baby again! hoooorah! That's awesome!

maz

Glad you've got your mojo back hun. Good on you getting out of bed early to go to the gym. My bed is just too warm and cosy on a morning ...

xx