sjnams

Hey Hun how are you doing?
Fingers crossed for your so you don't have to go through the progesterone pills again!!

genkigemini

I posted this on the TTC page but I want to save it so I know how I am feeling...



I just want the to show. I hate this waiting. I finally told DH today that I am more panicked about having to take progesterone tabs again than anything else. I seriously can not explain to you how emotionally unstable they made me feel. I know that we will try a different pill than Provera to see if that helps but they are just terrible!!!

Even though I know there is a small chance for a , I am just so scared of the . Not so much because I will be crushed of not getting pregnant on the first go of Clomid but because I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN at square one.

It is so unfair! I keep hearing and seeing fucked up people getting pregnant every day and I see how the state is talking about taking my sisters children away again and I just wonder why! Growing up, I was always the little girl with the baby dolls saying that I was going to be a young mother. I was the one who knew what I wanted from the start. I am the one who is happily married. We are the ones who will take care of our kid WITHOUT STATE HELP! I want nothing more right now then to punch my sister and 2 of my crew members in the face. I want to scream at God but obviously that is not possible.

Like I said... this isn't even so much about a . I just want SOMETHING and it never happens for 9 and a half fucking years I get nothing.

Once again someone went up to my husband last night at work when they were talking and was like, "You have been married HOW LONG and you STILL don't have kids?!" He got really upset and walked away so his friend had to explain to her why it was so rude. He was still bothered by it this morning in the car and you could tell.

I feel so terrible. Everything with him works fine and I can not help but know that if he married someone else he would probably have a herd of kids right now but he doesn't and when it is all said and done, it is my bodies fault and I hate that so much. He has never been anything but wonderful and supportive through it all but still...

I just really hate this right now...

polo_princess

I just spotted this and that is not a BAD thing!! Could possibly be a good sign ... it was for me!!

p.s i replied to your little "drama queen" moment in TTC

genkigemini

LOL!!! I prefer to be called a prima donna.

Well, I am still just a little hopeful so we will see how it goes, right?

RoRo77

Hey Hon

I read your journal every couple of days and usually get a giggle out of it because i am just about as outspoken and straight forward as you are, being NYer and all.

I was bummed to see you so down this time. I know it sucks and you can't help but think that stupid people who don't give a shit one way or another about having kids, have them and then those of us who can afford them and want them so badly have a hell of a time.

Your jouney has been a lot longer than mine buut I feel ya. I would like to kill half the prego women I come in contact with. Like the 13 Y/O in the elevator who is 6 months along! WTF? Her mother is with her and looks to be 21, so irresponsibilty runs in their family I see.

It sucks and isn't fair, some days I have my own talks with God and they aren't always so nice.

Just wanted to let you know your not alone in your anger. Keep your head up and stay strong hon-

Ro

genkigemini

Thanks, Honey and I am glad that you get a giggle out of my lack of inner monologue. I just call it as I see it usually and I think I sometimes put people off but oh well...

Honestly, I had a really good cry while writing that post since DH is sleeping after working graveyard and I feel a lot better. Sometimes a good cry can be therapeutic and I really think it was. I think I can hold out until Monday now.

I will be back to normal Sarah soon.

jacky24

O hun, i hate these time diffrences, im sorry you feeling so down.

At one point i also felt like WTF there was nothing wrong with me and after losing CJ it has just been an uphill battle to get a , let alone regular AF or just to O for that matter.

And now SIL is having her baby tomorrow, and deep down inside i wish it was me, but again a F*&^ up situation, of having a baby to see if it can save her and her OH marraige.

But ye, the things we go thru, but always remeber you are not a failure, it is unfortunately the card we were dealt with, but on the next round we will kick ass, so start dealing that pack of cards hun, lets get playing

genkigemini

I know, the fact that we all live in such different time zones is a pain! I'd call you all if my day wasn't your night. LMAO!

jacky24

O my word is it 8am already for me..

Im totally buggered today worked 13hours straight yesterday, so i need my bed.

For me it is hell, as i ask a question, it only gets answered for me the next day as all reply when im in bed

Like i want to POAS tonight, so i must ask that Q 2days in advance to actually get to POAS in 2days

genkigemini

See... for me it is 10:37pm on Thursday. Everyone is getting up when I go to bed. LOL