a rant sorry..
My 16yr old son is absalutly lazy!!! does nothing and expects everything..im sick of it.after agreeing to him giving up his plumbing college course as he didnt like it,we then helped him get on another course..traing to be a cheff.He did one flippin day and said he aint going back cus he had to wash up!!!! arrgh!!He had it well made,was gettn paid 360 a month plus gaining a qualification....but nooooo has left it.I totaly give up.He is bringing no money in now,and i get nothing for him.He eats me outta house and home and treats it like a doss house.I found out he has been smkng weed and im fuming.i just dont know what to do...Im sick of moaning at him and arguing.If it carrys on im this close to kicking him out.
who else has difficult teens?how have you handled them?
xx

OMG OMG have you just read my thread on the loss section you are reading my mind

I am going through exactly the same with mine. He quit college this year and ended up jobless, finally got an apprenticeship is earning 95 quid a week TAX FREE.

He doesnt smoke or anything and give him his due he is a grafter but his attitude stinks, he constantly answers back, moans, shouts argues with me and his sister its driving me nuts. My relationship with him is in tatters he has no respect for me.

He is on a night out tonight at one of the clubs in town for under 18 which finishes at one, he is in work at 7 tomorrow morning and we have told him not to drink. I guarantee he will, he also now has a GF and says he is old enough to stay out and he has these conversations via text message !!

Im right there with ya for needing advice hun x

I would be telling him that he has 'so long' to find a job, or find a course to do.
As you are not having him at home, if he has a college course then fine but you are not subsidising him sitting at home. Or if he gets a job he can contribute to the house funds.
Think you just have to be tough, and keep as you mean to go on.

If he is old enough to stay out then he is old enough to be responsible and get to work on his own steam, if he has a hang over then thats a problem he has to deal with. And pay keep towards the house.

owww im so sorry.Yes its very much the same..thats what reuben was getting 95pds a week.Its just so upsetting and does affect the other children who are home.Reuben stays out and at times i can be waiting for hrs for him to come in and he doesnt.so means i go to bed leaving the door unlocked as he has lost his 2nd key.He doesnt even txt me alot of the time.He has no respect for me,none what so ever..and thats what hurts.same as you we are growing apart and sometimes i cant wait for him to go out,just to get outta my face,but he has pushed me way to far this time,although he doesnt seem to care.As long as he has food,clean washing he happy.Iv swore to myself over my dead body will i give him money,that is a no,no!!
I just dont know what to do either hun,and like you i have other children that i need to sort out..its sooo tiring at times,and upsetting.
xxx

Dreading this stage!

to you ladies!

I definitely think I'd be giving him an ultimatum though. He can't continue like this and has to get his life in order for when he does move out on his own.

Saying that, I am 16 and have had to quit college due to my hemiplegic migraines and have been trying to get a job since but if you say "you have however long to get a job or I'll throw you out" you will probably end up throwing them out because it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a job at the moment. And my CV is full of excellent references, voluntary fundaraisers, respected jobs that someone with a degree would be proud to have...and this is all applying for jobs in supermarkets and clothes shops, etc. So believe me, it is VERY difficult to get a job at the moment..

Supermarkets are actually quite picky, but there are jobs out there.
You just take what is available at the time.
I know a few people who have been made redundtant and they have found other jobs.

Not as a mum but my younger brother is similar. He left college after a month or two at 16 because he didn't like it and he's now only a few months off being 19 and still hasn't re-registered at college or got a job. It used to be down to laziness, I mean he gets job seekers so like £45 a week for doing nothing, but now he's actually lacking in confidence. He rarely goes outdoors even to walk the dog for fear of seeing people.

I'm worried for him, 3 years is a long time to explain on a CV and his CV has nothing on it! Nothing seems to work, Mum takes 50% of his job seekers for the house but even so £20 for doing nothing when he has nothing to spend it on goes quite a way! She doesn't want to kick him out but no other ultimatum works. She's tried saying, right, you have 4 weeks to get an interview but the 4 weeks ends and he hasn't got one and there's no consequence!

Sorry to hijack, I'm just worried for him. At his age, I had my first job and was living in a flat with my now husband. Just wish he'd buck up and do somethimg...!

It is difficult however there are jobs out there if you work with the right organisations, ben registered with Connexions who got him the apprenticeship he is doing quite well, he did apply for shop work etc just to get him over xmas but they dont take you on till you are 16 years and 9 months apparently.

Funnily enough Bens just lost his 2nd key last night, he didnt get in till 1.30 last night as he was at an Under 18's night at a club in town but I had him up at 6 for work and I went in and just switched the light on but I can tell he hadnt b een drinking so at least thats a first AND he didnt ask me for money this morning, so thats a second lol !

But with Ben this is a pattern we tend to have 4/5 good days then we have a crap spell but he has been told if he spoils xmas then he is out. Hubby is his stepdad and this is the first year he doesnt want to go to his dads over xmas and new year, in a way I do get this as he is nearly 17 and wants to see his mates and GF but hubby wont let him stay in the house alone cus he dont trust him !!!

I think you tend to give the other children more affection when going through this type of relationship and I do know that some of my sons anger is vented towards my relationship with my daughter but she is so full of love and affection and if she gets shouted at she is so sorry afterwards !

I dont mean to pry but what does his dad do in all of this ?