OMG!!! I was going to do a similar post, I wondered if anyone had or was experiencing this!!
Jade is going thru the same thing, she has been in tears this week. It is in the playground and the attitude of the teachers in the classroom.
I have made an appointment to go and see her teacher tomorrow after school and I want some questions answered.....I want to know how a child can be singled out in a playground? Why the supervising staff are not a loud to do anything when a complaint has been made about someone? As surely this all promotes bullying if the kids know that they can get away with things as the dinner ladies just say "play away from him/her"
I really feel for you hun and I know how you are feeling. It is heartbreaking to see your child go thru this and we are to a certain extent so powerless as we will never be able to make everything perfect for them
Jade went for girls football trials last year, long story short Paul ended up as a footy coach for the little league and she is in his team. She has made some good friends thru that, 3 of which go to her school, but even they are telling her to go away now.
I am so worried about her confidence I have booked her into a Martial Arts class, as they promote self belief & confidence (both things she lacks). I just feel that also if she is able to look after herself that she will not be a target for bullies. She had her first lesson last week and was really pleased with the little bit she learnt. So when she came home from school on Tuesday crying because no one would play with her and they were being mean and telling her to go away, I told her not to put up with it. Tell them "No..... you are not going anywhere and to stop being nasty to you!" I told her to say it firmly! I told her not to let anyone push her around and do not walk off like they are telling her to, stand your ground, (stand up to them type thing). They were all words to this effect anyway and in a way she understood and felt she could do it.
She came home on Wednesday and she was beaming, she played a little bit with someone, but when this nasty girl was horrible to her and told her to go away, Jade told her "No and stop being so nasty to me" She really felt proud of herself and I was so pleased and proud of her.
Now to be honest there is no way I want her to be fighting or anything like that, but her having the confidence to answer back and show she is not going to be pushed around has got to help.
I really don't know what the answer is, but all I know is I am not going to see her bullied in any way shape or form, so I need her to have confidence in herself in order to show these horrible kids that she will not be pushed around from the get go, as has already been said it only gets worse as they get older.
I am having a problem with the teachers too *sigh* so much so that after nearly a year of this, we are now going to have to spend £120 a month on private tuition (1hr a wk) in order to try to make Jade understand what she is learning and that she is good enough to put her hand up in class to try to answer a maths question or similar. She wont put her hand up due to kids laughing at her when she gets it wrong or the teacher telling her openly in front of the whole class "You should know this Jade, do you want to lose some of your golden time?" So extra tuition, yet another attempt at building her confidence up in school, but this time in the classroom.
The worst part of all of this is, no matter how many times we have been up the school, for parents evenings or us complaining, they always say that she is the most popular in the class. If so, what is going wrong & why are the school allowing it to go on?
Sorry babe I have hijacked the thread, but it gives you an idea of what we are trying out and that your little'un is not the only one going thru it. Children can be really nasty & hurtful and it should be clamped down on! I wouldn't put up with Jade treating someone like it, so I damn well aint gonna put up with someone treating Jade like it!
Make that appointment at the school, and do NOT leave until you are happy with their answers and their plan of action!
Thank you so much Tam! It's tough, isn't it? I know it doesn't stop in Grade 1 either and will just get worse. And you are right about giving them the self-confidence to stand up for themselves.
Generally, Amanda is. She will state what's on her mind, however, I think she may start to withdraw in doing so if this continues. I am going to have a talk with her tonight and start pepping her up more.
I also hope that by giving her an extra-curricular activity, she may feel better about herself and that she can do something well. I just hope it doesn't backfire and that she learns soccer isn't her thing. Seriously, what if she isn't good at it? Then again, she could be a pro. But, you just don't know until you try.
Summer is coming and perhaps the break will do them a world of good. Perhaps I'll start arranging more play dates, especially with the little girl that she has coming to the party on Saturday. By going out and doing something extremely fun, perhaps the other child will think, gees, Amanda is cool and so are her parents. LOL
Maybe next year some kids will be new to the area and there will be more in her class. I hope.
I am also thinking of doing an end of year school picnic here for Jayden and Amanda. Jayden won't be seeing many of the kids next year as they are going off to other schools. Amanda, well, perhaps this will help her as well.
Is running away the answer? Maybe not.
I will talk to Amanda's teacher today and talk with her or at least make an appointment to do so if she doesn't have the time after school. Something has to be done! I will not stand for kids treating my children like this.
Tam, you didn't hijack this thread and am so pleased that you shared your experience. Thanks so much!
BTW, martial arts is a good thing. Amanda did a trial of it one day and loved it. Another thing to look into for her. Seriously, girls should be able to defend themselves in this world anyhow.
Leeanne that is great that Amandas friend has accepted the invite, one friend to be close to could work wonders
Phew Tam i dunno what to say babe, but you know me i'll give it a try
First of all if most of this is happening at a lunchtime there are steps the senior supervisor can take, rather than the " play with someone else" that a lot seem to do
From experience what i used to do if a parent had brought anything to the heads attention( you need to see the head not class teacher as very rarely things get passed on) i used to have a meeting with the head and would then monitor said child for maybe 2 weeks, who they played with, how they played, what their mood was etc...
The head would then call the parent back in to discuss anything that was a bit off.
Not all lunchtime staff will want to do this as they see there job as an easy hour!!
But i would deffo suggest that Jade could be monitered with the other girls to see exactly waht is happening and maybe grab the ringleader, this monitering needs to be done so that Jade and the others don't know about it
If you get no joy from her class teacher you need to take it to the head and really not let it rest
Hope that helped a bit, i'm a bit rusty
Oh and BTW i wasn't a dinner lady i was Senior lunchtime supervisor Dinner ladies are old bags!!
Leaanne you stick by your guns hun, and the summer playtime and one to one are a great idea! No kiddies deserve what ours are going thru, it needs to stop!
OK I was trying to keep it short, but here we go again:
In Year 3 (last year) Jade had a teacher who used to be a yr 6 teacher and she is very 'old school'. That is not always a problem unless, your teachers manner is so abrupt that the kiddies are horrified and parents are complaining. We had to go to the Head teacher as things were getting so bad. This was actually the first thing to start hitting on Jade's confidence in this school and this also made her come home crying. I seriously hated the way she spoke to me as a parent and I was appauled that she was teaching Year 3's, she was just wrong for the year group.
Anyway long story short, Paul went to see the Head and explained everything Jade was going thru, how she felt and the fact that we was going to get her private tutoring as she was too scared to ask for help and this was obviously no good for Jade or the class generally, we also mentioned about her moving class. Paul came out of that meeting having been told "Maybe it is just the way Ms Scott says things and Jade takes them the wrong way?" OK, not happy but the head was confident this teacher was good at her job and although a little different to most she was not stern with the children.
No sooner had Paul walked thru the door Jade just happened to mention something that her teacher had said to her that day and also gave a facial expression of her teacher.......well you could have blown me over, I was horrified and I now knew that Jade was right withouth a doubt and the Head teacher had spun Paul a yarn. The look that Jade did as she said something (I can't remember what) was a look a child would not even understand, I can't explain it, but you know when your little'uns just does something that you know they wouldn't have a clue about and certainly would not be able to use it in the right context? I just knew it wasn't going to get better for her for that year.
Now she is in Yr 4, new teacher but too soft but NOT the problem.The support teacher is the problem. She has no time for Jade at all and does not seem to help her much and gives all of her time to a particular boy and dismisses Jade is struggling and just tells her she should know it, and then threatens her with losing her golden time (Friday afternoon fun & games) and embarasses her infront of the class.
So now Paul is back up the school tomorrow and I don't hold out much hope tbh, the Head seems as incapable as the teachers. And yes, I could always move schools, but this simply is not an option for Jade as I will explain. This is Jade's 4th school, as I was temporarily staying in Kent (my sister had a house big enough for me, Jade & Mum) to help look after my Mum thru Chemo, Jade just happened to start school at this time so she started in a brilliant school and was ahead in some things and level with the majority in others, which was brilliant for her as she had only been at nursery for 5 weeks before starting school. Then my Mum's treatment finished and we all went back to our on lives, ours was in Bristol so sadly we uprooted Jade and she went to school in Bristol. Bless her heart, she was daunted by it all as they taught in a completely different way as they did in Kent, she did not have a clue and all of a sudden had to learn phonics, 7 months after they had all started so was a long way behind. So she was always playing catch up. My Mum got re-diagnosed with Breast Cancer so we moved to London in a heartbeat to look after her as this was terminal. So Jade started her 3rd school, again they taught differently honestly, she has not had it easy. But this was a good school and she did well there, although always behind she really did well and proved she was a fast learner. Then she had to leave that school as it only went up to yr 2, hence she is where she is now.
Now I know the whole thing looks crap from the teaching to the bullying, but I believe it is in everyones best interest that it changes, the teachers improve and the bullying it tackled, and mainly in Jade's best interest as she only stopped crying when left at the gate in the mornings last year, moving her to another school I think will be really bad for her. The crying at the school gates in the morning has been constant from the day she started nursery til one day last year.
I need the school to listen and listen good and I want answers and a game plan, or I will take this further, Sod the Head, we already know she is crap, and my poor little girl's confidence is sinking lower and lower almost daily!
But regardless of the outcome, I am getting her private tuition this time and encouraging her to stay at Martial Arts as I think this could be the making of her in time.
Sorry....that was a long winded answer Jo, should have just said, been there dont that To some extent it is not as bad as it sounds written down here as I would not have the teachers bullying her either, but it is still far from OK nevermind good.
Aww, Tam, your poor little angel. Sounds like she's been having it rough.
Often going to the head master or principal doesn't help anything. My next door neighbor's 10 year old son was getting bullied and she went to the principal. The principal pretty much did nothing. This is in the same school Amanda goes to.
I truly hope that you can get through to them. Being persistent is the key in these situations. And when it comes to our kids, we will protect them til the end!
When picking up Amanda from school yesterday I told the teacher that I would like to talk to her for a bit but if she was busy, I understood. She made time for me right then and there. I explained the situation, told her that I was ready to pull Amanda out of that school, and she asked who was doing this to her. I told her that I didn't want to mention names but she said she wanted to know. As a result the girls will be talked to today about not leaving Amanda out from playing, etc. The teacher won't tell them that Amanda or I said anything.
Anyhow, she's one fantastic teacher and I know she will go through with what she says she is going to do. Gosh, I just about started bawling when I was telling her about Amanda playing by herself, etc.
I was also told that Amanda will have a bigger class next year with a few more girls.
Well, we shall wait and see what happens and I sure hope things get better for her.
In the meantime, will start pepping Amanda up, like you have been doing with your daughter Tam, and will register her for soccer first thing on Monday.
Best wishes with you Tam and fingers crossed that our girls' school situations will improve for them.
I used to be like your little girl...i used to always end up doing handstands on my own...until i met a really nice new girl and from then on i was sorted, dont know what i would have done without her. Im sure you do..but reasure her that its not her its just that the other girls are ...um...<tries to think of a nice word> well you know what i mean.
My heart really goes out to her situation, and i cant imagine how you feel. <Hugs>
x
Dinner ladies are old bags!!
Dinner ladies are old bags & phew!
but NOT the problem.The support teacher is the problem. She has no time for Jade at all and does not seem to help her much and gives all of her time to a particular boy and dismisses Jade is struggling and just tells her she should know it, and then threatens her with losing her golden time (Friday afternoon fun & games) and embarasses her infront of the class.
To some extent it is not as bad as it sounds written down here as I would not have the teachers bullying her either, but it is still far from OK nevermind good.
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