I'm not sure where to put this but I didn't think the special needs section was the right place as no diagnoses have been made.

Running across a thread on the forum about this made me concerned about my boys. They both used to be very well behaved boys and have gradually become more and more, what I initially thought as ignorant.

I'll start with Devon who is 5 (6 in January).
I have noticed that he is always fidgety, he will be watching tv but won't sit still at all. He can't stick to simple jobs I give him and his brother, i.e. pairing up socks, he will start playing with toys and leave his older brother to it.
He cries really loudly and squeals if he thinks he's been wronged in any way and does this to things that I myself don't consider an issue. He does this if he is told he can't have something or if he doesn't get his own way (and we have never spoiled him so that's not the issue) He has also bitten his nails right down which I'm not sure is relevant or not but he will sometimes sit and stare into space nibbling away at them.

Now Jordon who is now 8.
If I ask Jordon to get something for me, for example a pack of baby wipes I left in my room, he will go upstairs and I will still be waiting 10 minutes later for the pack of wipes. I will call him down and he will say ''sorry, I forgot''. Instead of going to get the wipes he has gone into his room to play. Incidents like this happen alot. If he has misbehaved and say for example his punishment is that he cannot watch a football game, he won't listen when you tell him he is definitely not watching it and will sit there saying ''please, please i'm sorry'' and even if you tell him not to keep begging he will do it anyway. Also if him and his brother are arguing over a toy or something, Jordon will often pinch his younger brother and then immediately start saying ''oh i'm sorry, i'm sorry''. Also we have had to remove their tv from their room (we allow 1 dvd before bed on a Friday and Saturday) I will use last nights example of this to highlight it.
I was in my room settling the baby and the boys were supposed to be asleep, I heard my OH get up to put the bins out and subsequently heard the button go on the kids tv. I didn't get up right away to tell him off because I wanted to see what he would do. After my OH came back in and settled, I heard the button go again, so I decided to get up and have a word. I tried to get up as quietly as possible but the bed creeked and again I heard the button on the tv go. I stood there quietly for a few seconds and as expected the tv button went once more turning the tv back on so I promptly went in there and told him off. The thing is he has done this for a long time and I was always reluctant to move the tv because I was desperate to trust him but he just doesn't seem to get it, even though he knows how cross I will be for catching him with it on, on a school night and how cross I will be because of how he is trying to be crafty about it he still does it.

I don't know if these are signs of adhd or bad behaviour but all I know is my boys were never always like this and if it is bad behaviour I just don't know where it's come from, I've done nothing different??

I am concerned as to the genetic links because I myself have a lot of issues and after looking at the information on it and the adult symptoms I am worried I may have it and just never been diagnosed. I was brought up in care and because of this any bad behaviour I showed including screaming fits where I had to be restrained by careworkers, was written off because I was as they would put it ''a typical care kid''.

The adult symptoms that I can refer to myself are:

continually starting new tasks before finishing old ones
inability to focus, or prioritise
continually losing, or misplacing, things
forgetfulness
restlessness and edginess
difficulty keeping quiet, and speaking out of turn
blurting responses, and poor social timing when talking to others.
often interrupting others
mood swings
irritability and a quick temper
inability to deal with stress
extreme impatience

I've always had a nagging feeling that I am not right in myself, I struggle to make friends in real life, in fact other than females that are related to me in some way (and have to put up with me) I have no friends, and that's not an exaggeration, I literally have no friends. I can go from calm and happy to stressed and depressed in a flip of a switch and I know it is happening but I can't stop it. My OH tries to point it out to me, what I am like but even though I know it is true I will rather have a big row then admit it to him, I hate to say sorry and will sit there sulking, (I'm 25 years old for crying out loud, I shouldn't be sulking) and refuse to say sorry.
Looking back on a recent day out for coffee and shopping with my SIL, I just didn't stop talking (the poor girls ears must have hurt) I remember having my hands together and tapping my forefinger in rhythm off my other hand as I talked. Also sometimes I hate to look directly at people when talking to them and sometimes it actually hurts my eyes to make eye contact.

When I first started this post I was thinking I was probably just being silly but now I am extremely worried and starting to feel like a nut job I don't want my kids to grow up feeling how I do every day Do you think there is a problem because I really don't feel normal most of the time and I really don't want my boys to end up the same way.

Please advise me !

I've just thought back the Jordons last few parent evenings and his teachers saying that he gets distracted and when I looked through his books his work is always incomplete with notes from the teacher saying they expected more. They say he's got a great array of general knowledge and imagination but struggles to put it onto paper. Not sure if that is relevant either but again, very concerning.

Have you thought about going to the doctors for a CAMH referral? You can go with supporting evidence of the school... Please bear in mind a CAMH referral and diagnosis can take a few years...

I've been to the doctors a couple of times about myself but they brushed it off as depression but until recently it hadn't dawned on me that there might be something going on with the boys too but when you read up on something and it seems to explain everything it's a pretty daunting feeling.
I am going to have a word with Jordon and Devons teachers past and present to see if they have any real concerns. Although I realise now the issue with his work, whether or not their teachers would see it just as concerning as me is a different matter. Do I need them to say 'we think Jordon/Devon has adhd' or do they just need to say 'he struggles with finishing his work'??

I would first go to the school and talk to their teachers. Try and get their SEN teacher in on it as well, explain your concerns about him. If you all agree there is an issue, get a letter written by the school for a CAMH referral. The system changed recently and schools can't just instigate the referral has to come from GP and parents. But I will say this, I have come across primary schools that don't do diddly squat when there is a known problem because it's too much hassle filling the in paper work. So by the time they get to secondary school, they need extra support and it's harder at secondary level getting them diagnoses. Thats for any special needs not just ADD or ADHD

hi hun.

it is really horrible when you know something isnt quite right with our children.

my daughter Rosie was diagnosed at 7 with ADHD she is also epileptic which the two can be associated.
rosie is really impulsive and when she was younger dam right naughty, she was given concerta and she took it for 2 yrs, didnt make a blind bit of differance so i refused to medicate any longer she takes enough drugs for epilepsy.

as the years have gone by i changed parenting tactics with her and instead of losing my temper with her i changed discipline techniques to find which one suited her. that was nearly 10yrs ago now and she's really grown up. still impulsive and forgetful, low concentration, moody. but i think most of that is their age.
if i was you i'd go back and talk to the doctors in getting referred to a child pyscologist so you can talk parenting techniques, as this in my oplinion is better than medication, and you dont have to have a diagnosis of adhd to get them to focus better at home and school.
outside sports and activities great for children, having friends over for tea, taking an hour each day to do an activity of their choice. these are just some of the things i've changed with rosie. rosie has no idea she was diagnosed ADHD and neither does anyone else.
the biggest thing i changed was her diet, only fresh food now, lots of pasta's and veg lots of fruit, no fizzy drinks, bisuits, or chocolate in this house hasnt been for yrs. it makes a huge differance in childrens concentration and behaviour

i was a crazy child i nearly got expelled lots of times, i'm dyslexic as they come as well and this can also get confused with adhd. i forget everything and anything, i half job everything i do i leave half a bed made, washing on the line, i've forgotten to pick rosie up from school, even my friends children lol.

x

Thank you hun x

I just want to try and get some answers to everything, for myself as well, for peace of mind more than anything so I know it's not just that I've lost the plot and that there's a reason for my boys acting like they are other then the possibility i'm just a terrible mother.

I do hope that if there are issues that something can be put into place before they reach secondary school because the older they get the more difficult things will be. Other kids can be so cruel at times and I don't want my boys to be bullied.

if your feeling low hun the children may play on that as well, and sometimes when we hink we've come to a wall we give up on them and they play up even more which turns into a vicious circle iykwim.

dont leave it to weigh you down. go and talk to someone. your definetly not losing the plot hun, all children can be silly esp if they have siblings to bounce off. thing to be is consistant with discipline that goes for a child with or without adhd, reward the good stuff they do ten fold.

have a word with the teacher as well, adhd doesnt stop at the school gates if he's behaving and knuckling down at school and isnt at home its not adhd.

do you have much of a routine at home hun?

I'm just at a loss and with the way I feel all the time I think it amplifies the situation, we bounce off each other like a game of ping pong and if they do something that I believe is naughty I shout really angrily at them when I know I shouldn't be so aggressive with it, but even when I shout loud 5 minutes later they will be doing whatever it was they were doing to begin with!

I think I'm going to have a chat with their teachers whilst implementing a healthy eating regime, luckily they love pasta and certain veg!

I'm going to cut out sweets, chocolates and fizzy pop all together and see how that fairs, if there's no change I don't know what will help.

In light of the housework etc, there's no routine there. I do it as and when.
I always stick to a routine as far as the kids are concerned but over time they don't seem to follow that routine anymore and even while I try to continue implementing it they fight against it.
To implement new rules, do I just do it or do I sit them down and explain it to them first?