Hi everyone

I have a step-daughter of 13 yrs old who lives with her mother. Now don't get me wrong her mother wouldn't let anything bad happen to her however she is lacking in the morels department and discipline area. Dee was staying out til 11pm and nothing would become of it. Dee would give her mom lip and her mom would just let her get away with stuff - she says it's easier to just let her have her own way than get the lip from her.

Basically the story is that we don't get to see or speak to Dee as often as we'd like. We live 185 miles away (not a lot for Americans but for us brits it's a long way) - her mother refuses to bring her here or fetch her so we have to do both journeys and its too expensive - we just haven't got the money. However, when we try and call her mother is always nattering in the background being quite curt about my husband - lets just say they don't get on at all. Now my husband never bad mouths Dee's mom in front of Dee because it's not fair but Dee's mom and rest of her family quite clearly does.

Dees mom got married just before I married my husband - she married the guy she cheated on my husband with - now I find out that they have since divorced and another fella is on the scene who appears to be buying Dee's affection.

Dee has a good way of putting on a front and doesn't like to talk serious so it's hard to see the effect this is having on her.

We're lost as to what to do! my husband feels so distant from her and closed out and he does try his best for her but it's so hard at a distance and because Dee has the phone on speaker so that her mother can hear everything he says he finds it hard to talk to her.

We both love her so much but we fear that she's going to stray off course and live without dignity, morels and discipline.

i think u need to step bk and be supportive and just be there to listen its hard for u but its between ur oh and his ex its there daughter and i will explain why i have said this i have a step mum and she is fab my dad went through hell and with my real mum i used to go to my dads for 6wks of the summer i lovd it but bloody hell did my mum make it hard for my dad for see but barries in the way i.e making him travel all the way to get me he lived in cornwall and i lived in warrington bot 450miles so even longer and to this day my step mum have never ever slag my real mum off to my face she has been so supportive when the shit hit the fan she has never told me off even when younger i was treated the same as her 2 girls my dad disapline me and she disapline her girls but we were treated the same if that make sence i.e when we went on days out i love her to death and i appreciated her not slagging my mum off and being there for my dad i no longer see my real mum i left home at 16 when i realise what an evil bitch she was and still is good luck hunni

That makes perfect sense. I've been lucky because Dee always comes to me when something troubles her when she's with us.

We just hope that she doesn't think we're neglecting her that's all. We go up in February so we'll see her then.

Thanks for the advice. When we see her Mark does tell her how much he loves her and that if she ever needs him he's there for her. I never discipline her again Mark does that but rarely needs to when she's here.

Have a good Christmas!

u too babe all the best xx