Possibly the best complaint letter ever written!

**Arcanegirl** · Oct 10th, 2007, 10:42 AM

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER

BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE

Dear Mr. Thatcher

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying and out-of-control behavior. You surely realise it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you *+*#*ing kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Tesco's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? - Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an £8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh1t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Jo · Oct 10th, 2007, 10:48 AM

frigging hilarious!!!

alicesuckling · Oct 10th, 2007, 11:23 AM

well she was upset lol!

ablaze · Oct 10th, 2007, 15:00 PM

is tht real??

so-optimystic · Oct 10th, 2007, 15:04 PM

That letter is absolutly awsome!!!

Amanda · Oct 10th, 2007, 15:52 PM

Absolutely frigging awesome!

Mango · Oct 10th, 2007, 17:11 PM

OMG wow!

Angel · Oct 10th, 2007, 17:49 PM

Lol,wonder what his reaction was

**Wobbles** · Oct 17th, 2007, 12:30 PM

OMG lmftoooo

Helen · Oct 17th, 2007, 15:41 PM

Oct 10th, 2007, 10:42 AM	#1
Arcanegirl Pregnant (Expecting) BabyandBump Team Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Glasgow Posts: 25,664	Possibly the best complaint letter ever written! TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE Dear Mr. Thatcher I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying and out-of-control behavior. You surely realise it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you +#*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Tesco's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? - Or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an £8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh1t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. Best, Wendi Aarons

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Oct 10th, 2007, 10:48 AM	#2
Jo Mum (Mom) BabyandBump Team Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: West yorkshire Posts: 14,509	frigging hilarious!!!

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Oct 10th, 2007, 11:23 AM	#3
alicesuckling Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 38	well she was upset lol!

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Oct 10th, 2007, 15:00 PM	#4
ablaze Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 15,160	is tht real??

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Oct 10th, 2007, 15:04 PM	#5
so-optimystic Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 30	That letter is absolutly awsome!!!

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Oct 10th, 2007, 15:52 PM	#6
Amanda Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Leicester, UK. Posts: 5,214	Absolutely frigging awesome!

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Oct 10th, 2007, 17:11 PM	#7
Mango Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,352	OMG wow!

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Oct 10th, 2007, 17:49 PM	#8
Angel Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 332	Lol,wonder what his reaction was

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Oct 17th, 2007, 12:30 PM	#9
Wobbles Mum (Mom) Administrator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Chester Gal By Heart Posts: 50,081	OMG lmftoooo
	MissG Photography - Family portraits, home or away shoots, bump and baby, wedding, parties ... ANYTHING! Have your moment captured - Contact me for offers only available to BabyandBump members!
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Oct 17th, 2007, 15:41 PM	#10
Helen Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,833
Helen Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,833
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