Hello, I am new to this site.

I am 9 weeks pregnant with my first. Admittedly unplanned.

Let me tell you my story.

Starting seeing a guy few years younger than me. He's just turned 20 I am 24. All was great in the beginning - he swept me off my feet. Planning trips to Paris, sending me flowers, ringing and texting all the time, spending all his time with me, taking me out, treating me...you name it, he did it. I was on cloud 9.

For job reasons, he was away Mon - Fri evening. I would spend all weekend at his. We were totally besotted with each other. Everything wa great.

One weekend out of the blue, he changed. Turns out his mates had been giving him grief for spending his spare time with me (we did see his mates, all weekend in fact - he just never said he wanted to see them without me sometimes...). Anyway, he changed towards me and after not receiving an invite to a house party he completely changed towards me and we ended up splitting up. Turns out he had been given a lot of stick from his friends. He never once mentioned he's like to spend anytime with them without me, and always asked if I wanted to stay the whole weekend. For the record, I would have not had a problem with him going out with his mates, he just never said he wanted to!!

I found out 2 weeks after we split up I was pregnant. I have decided to keep the baby - for me, this is the right time. I have no debt, a full time job, a house, supportive friends and family. At first he wanted me to have an abortion, then he came round to the idea then he turned vile.

He has been telling people I am making it up, his family now think I am a psycho who is trying to get their son back by lying I am pregnant (I dumped him btw)! Up until I found out I was pregnant I hadn't spoke to him once since we split up. I heard he was following me one weekend to see if I had a bump (i was 7 weeks by this time!) - that's the level of maturity I am having to deal with.

He hasn't contacted me, I am always contacting him and have given him 5 chances to do the right thing. He says he wants to be involved but i get the impression he thinks it's acceptable to not be in contact until the baby is born!! He goes around acting like this is not happening, out drinking with his mates all weekend, seeing girls, slagging me off...he has said some vile things to me.

He has asked to come to the scan - but he hates me - I do not see how we can be in the same room together to share that special moment of seeing my baby for the first time after all the things he has said and done. I told him in order for that to happen we had to work on being mates again and spend some time doing things like meals, drinks or cinema when he is home up until the scan. He agreed and said it was a great idea - I text him the following weekend and he never replied - probably a new game came out for the xbox! Not heard from him since and that was a week ago - I have deleted his number now and will not contact him.

He has broken my heart and I do not feel as though I can forgive him. His friends are all as immature and I partly blame them for the fact my baby does not have its dad.

I want nothing to do with him now, or his family. I got on well with them all and they have my mobile number. They have not once contacted me to get proof I am expecting - yet I hear his mother has been bad mouthing me and calling me all sorts and "lying" about being pregnant!

I don't want them to come knocking in Oct when they hear I have in fact had a baby - their grandchild after their behaviour.

I do not need their financial support and believe my child needs a stable environment and my ex is too much of a free spirit to be able to offer that. He leaves the UK to live abroad for 2 years (as part of his job) at the end od May 2010 so will hardly be in the country. Although he is telling people I am making the pregnancy up, he did tell my friend, when the baby is born he would fight for custody as I would be "an unfit mother" and I am "disgusting person" who is "psychotic". His family have money, and I am scared they will pay a top solicitor to do just that!!! There is no reason I am an unfit mother, I do not drink, smoke or take drugs. I am mentally stable.

I am not planning on giving my baby his last name, nor naming him of the birth certificate. He has caused me so much stress I thought I would lose my baby in the first few weeks. I do not need his stress, or his families.

I have given them all a chance to be involved, but all I get is accused of things that are not true and spoken to like dirt.

When I rang my ex to tell him I was pregnant he wouldnt pick up the phone, so I sent him a pic of the test - he got his best mate to phone me!!!! I asked to meet up with my ex the next night and he told me he was too busy and could see me Saturday. When he turned up on the Saturday he said "I'm only staying an hour because i'm going to watch the boys play footie" - true to his word, he left an hour later. The most important chat of his life and he gave me a time slot of one hour. I then found out the reason he couldn't meet me the night before because he was "busy" was because he went round his mate's house to play computer games.

His mum thinks the sun shines out of his backside and believes every lie he tells her.

He is not ready to be a father, I do not want him rocking up when he has a free 1 Hour Window to see the baby or when the lads don't want to play computer games that night.

Please can I have some advice on what you would do in my situation? I am so confused. He emotionally manipulates me, uses it to his advantage and makes me feel guilty when in all of this, I have not done anything wrong.

I will admit I still have feelings for him and did ask him in the beginning to give us another try for the baby's sake. His friends had an influence in that decision...he said no chance! We never argued once until the stuff with his mates started. Although I have feelings for him, I have detatched myself from them and I am now looking at this situation for what it is, what's been said and how I have been treated.

Welcome to BNB!

I'm so sorry to hear about that immature man! You're better off without him.
There is a lovely, supportive single parents section to the site and I'm sure they'll be happy to have you!!
I wish you a lot of luck with your pregnancy, welcome to the site! xx

Hello and Welcome to BnB
x

Welcome to bnb! I am new as well, and I hope we will both experience a caring, supportive community here. Maybe as part of your other support systems, this will help you thru pregnancy & welcoming your lil one to the world. Congratulations! In that respect, I wish I were in your shoes, as I have been TTC for 6 mos.

By no means are u the first mother to experience in-law drama or an "immature" father. I say focus more on your baby, health & pregnancy, than him, his family, other people's opinions, etc. You wrote that this is the right time for you. It seems you are mentally and financially prepared to be a single mother temporarily, or the duration. I suppose u just took this opportunity to vent.

Good luck & God bless!

Welcome to B&B, sorry you have such a difficult ex to deal with, it must be leaving you feelings horribly stressed.

I agree with the advice to try and stay relaxed and to not let him spoil what is really a great time, pregnancy can be so wonderful and you do seem very sure and ready.

I feel so badly for you, you seem to have done all you can to try and stay on good terms with your ex but since you still seem to have feelings towards him I think you need to protect yourself.

When you said you still wanted to meet him for meals and trips to the cinema, those sound more like dates than friendly get-togethers and if you were hoping he would see them that way it probably won't work because he sounds so selfish and immature.

With regards to his family and his threats to try for custody, I doubt they will get it but I don't think it would hurt you to be prepared. Go to the citizens advice and tell them the situation and then if they think legal advice is a good idea you can get it early enough.

Worrying about it after the birth is no good and it will be one less thing on your mind if you can do it now.

From the sounds of things you have a good job, a good home and a stable family, you are older than your ex and sound a lot more mature. No court in the land would take a baby away from you just because your ex's family have a bit of money but it really can't hurt to know where you stand.

And keep a record of your messages to him and his to you etc because if he's treating you badly and you are trying to be reasonable that will go in your favour. Try not to get drawn into sending abusive messages or gossip about him in return for the nasty things he has said about you. I know that might be hard but your maturity is going to go in your favour if you do get into a legal fight.

Also, this is a great site with lots of people who are always ready to help so I'm glad you found it. It's great to have a private place to vent and get advice and support.

I'm in a similar situation to you. I've decided that when the baby's born, if he wants to be involved then it will be a regular thing agreed in advance. Like, he gets the baby every other weeked or something. And if he doesn't stick to it, then I tried and he can sod off.

Welcome to BnB!

Welcome!

Helllo!