Hi Everyone,
I've just joined this forum and feeling a whole lot better already just from reading a few posts...
I'm 35, TTC for 2 years, spent the first 18 months allowing nature to take its course, nature didn't! So the last six months I've taken action - tried everything... I mean literally everything. I've given up alchohol, put on a more weight (was just inside of my BMI), stopped going to the gym five times a week and now only go three. I do meditation, eat three staple meals a day, take the supplements, temperature, dates, diaries, reflexology, about to start acupuncture... nothing! Hubby is about to leave... he thinks I've become obssessed and doesn't understand the urgency or desperation, he feels like we're losing us and he's some kind of recepticle (which admittedly for five days of the month that is how I see him), he believes there is all the time in the world (for him maybe) and as soon as I stop this obssessing it'll happen. I can't do that... I let a year and a half slip by 'waiting for nature to take it's course' and she aint!
AF arrived yesterday, ironically every month something sends me over the edge; yesterday it was bumping into an ex colleague who used to work for me, she's 37 and four months, came off the pill and a couple of months later - bingo... it's her second... happy for her but had to run to the toilet and sob silently for the next half an hour, came home to an email from a friend who's about to be induced, another sobbing session. A well meaning friend thought she'd make me feel better by saying she'd wanted a baby for ten years, then she went on to say, I came off the pill and the next month... thanks for that one! Spent all of last night crying, have finally conceded there may be something wrong and have gone to dr's today, have made appt for 21 day test, LH & FSH tests... makes me cry more... wasn't meant to be this way.
I read a post someone put on here about Christmas day... I spent Christmas day sobbing infront of the telly, AF arrived that day and another Christmas without my own little family is the equivalent of hell for me right now... I know I have so much to be grateful for, a lovely life, love, health... but I want to feel fulfilled by motherhood too...
Perhaps I am obssessed, perhaps I'm not meant to be a mother, I'm seeing a counsellor to try to get a grip on this, have been for the last two months - feels like its taking over my life and I don't want that... just want my family and can't not do anything.
Thing is, tomorrow I'll be OK again, I'll get the charts, books, thermometre out, the supplements out and I'll be OK again... till 28 days later...
Glad that I'm not alone on here... just feels so sad... I've waited all my adult life to be mature enough, financially stable enough, equipped enough, with the right person and in the right situation and now that I am SO ready, nothing happening except the tock ticking time away...
Hope this hasn't depressed everyone... sorry
Nice to be on here,
A, x
welcome to baby and bump
Linear Mode
