trinitydm

I will try and make this as short and sweet as possible.....

For the last couple weeks I've been feeling very angry towards DH and I wasn't sure why. I mean, it's normal for me to be a tad bitter sometimes, as I think most relationships are that way. Little things like, not picking up his socks, not offering to feed the baby, taking forever to do the dishes when I ask him....these are all normal things that make me a little angry. But lately I've been mad! Like, fuming mad! Whenever he opened his mouth to speak, I would ignore him....the moment he walked in the door after work I would cringe and wish him away. He is/was literally making my blood boil. And yesterday I think I realized why I'm so bothered...
He doesn't appreciate me, or the fact that I gave birth to our daughter. He thinks that because she was born via c-section I never really went through the whole 'torment and agony of a REAL birth'. And even though I was in labor for 43 fucking hours, it was worse for him! Because I was on drugs and in and out of sleep the entire time, meanwhile he had to try and stay awake (of course he wasn't awake the entire time...he slept too), and sleep on a cold floor while he was shivering, he thinks he had it worse! What a fucking dink!! (And I am not putting these words in his mouth...he actually admitted yesterday that I had it easy) What an ass!! Ughhh! I'm so cheezed at the fucking jerk right now. I was up crying about it all last night and I'm not sure if I'm even going to bring it up to him again as I don't see the point. I don't know how to make him understand that I deserve to be appreciated for what I went through....pregnancy, labor, and even now, taking care of our baby 24 hrs a day. He has not even ONCE gotten up with her in the middle of the night. (Granted I was breastfeeding, but for the last week we've been switching to bottle.) He usually does things for our daughter when I ask, but where is the thoughtfullness behind that. I could ask him to make her a bottle right now and he wouldn't have a fucking clue what to do!

I feel like this is partially my own fault as I knew what I was getting into when I married him. We've been together for 10yrs, married for 3, so it's not like I shouldn't expect this attitude. But really, am I asking too much? Should he not understand what I went through a little bit better?
How can I make him understand???

I'm sorry for the rant ladies, but it feels much better to let it out
I appreciate any advice and comments

KayleighJayne

Didn't want to read and run but REALLY don't know what to say lol
If it makes you feel any better I think 99% of men don't really understand and appreciate what a pregnancy really is and the stresses and strains of one!!!!

Probably not what you wanted to hear but hope this helps

xxx

MrHenry

To be honest...really brutally honest! You get mad at him for doing things TO SLOW? Really? You get mad over socks? Really?

I can see your point...but as hard as EVERY WOMAN HAS IT remember men have to take that...all the things you go through...all the sickness, and the pains, and the complaints, and all the cravings. We have to listen and be sympathetic...and be concerned over EVERYTHING! For the first 10 weeks of my families pregnancy I HAD TO DO ALL OF THE WORK AROUND THE HOUSE, COOKING, CLEANING, SHOPPING, RUNNING ALL OVER TO FIND WHATEVER, AFTER A FULL DAY OF WORK, while my wife stayed home all day and got on BnB. Some men have that for an entire pregnancy! Don't assume because you do some VERY hard and painful work, your the ONLY one who is doing the work.

Be patient, show him what you want done, but don't complain about HOW he does it. Now that you are bottle feeding he can help you even more.

Congrats on the kid, enjoy your baby!

Sunshine12

Clearly composed by a man!! You are entering very dodgy territory! Please proceed with caution!!!!!! lol

Staceiz19

Honestly hun ,
Hes lucky to have you. He wants to wine about a cold floor? Seriously if he could have felt the pain you were feeling during labour and been in your position i rekon he would have switched back quick and fast to that "horrible cold floor" And just cause you went through a c-section , means shit i know a fare few ladies who had c-sections and they say it canes for 6 weeks you can barley even bend over without it hurting. And he may go to work aswell but you work 24 hours 7 days a week with a baby and it aint an easy job at all. You dont get set lunch breaks or anything or have a full sleep.
You are not wrong for wanting a little more thoughtfulness after all your daughter is apart of him too. And as for knowing what you were getting yourself into , sure you did but a child usually make mother and father realize just how precious their new joy is and want to do things with or for them.

At the end of the day you know what you went through and everything you do for him and your daughter and so do probably alot of other people. Your the strong one hun so just be proud and hold your head high.
xx

nightkd

MrHenry leaves socks all over the house too, it's a freakin' pain in the ass! Especially when I'm doing washing and have to go into every room and play hide and seek for his socks!!! YES, it is worth complaining about you douchebag!!!

Yes, I agree (I'm sure much to my husband's dismay! ) that your DH does sound like a twunt - actually admitting that he thinks you had it EASY because you had a C-Section and were drugged up for most of the labour?! WTF? I think I'd prefer to be struggling to sleep on a cold floor for a couple of days, than drugged up and having to have an op to get my baby out. I would certainly be sitting down and explaining how that's hurtful to me and what I actually did - it needs to be presented to him thoughtfully, rather than 'na-na-nee-na, this is what I did!' though... I think I would (just giving an example based on how I would feel about that sort of childbirth) start by explaining how being knocked out on drugs is not making the labour EASIER mentally...My mum was knocked out completely for her C-section with me and so it took her a while to 'come to' so she could hold me for the first time. She missed out on the important first few moments because she was completely out of it! I'd hate that! Just sit down and explain why you're upset, what he said and how hurtful it was and how YOU felt about the pregnancy and labour - what things stick with you.

You really need to have a thorough chat with him about this, as it's clearly effecting how you feel about him (I've had days where I feel like murdering my DH because he's making a weird noise when he eats, or something equally as stupid and it's usually because something is bothering me!).

On the unhelpfulness front, I think I would start by making a list of the things you do around the house - including looking after the baby. Then make a list of things you would like him to do and how often.. Ask him if he needs instructions on how to do these things and pin the list on the wall, letting him know that the things he does will be very much appreciated as it's helping you out and relieving some of the pressure of being a mother to a young baby!

He may well understand what you went through and just doesn't know how to show it, or how to let you know he appreciates it. I think a good talk with him and explanation of YOUR feelings and that you just want him to understand you and your feelings about the whole thing and help out a bit more as you feel like you're doing some things alone!

Sorry if any of that was irrelevant, I hope some of it was helpful. Just try to help him understand and let him know what you want from him (without demanding) and don't give him any excuses (such as not knowing how to do something) not to help you around the house and with the baby.

xxx

rubywoo77

Hi,

your not alone. My husband often tells me how easy I have it to be able to stay at home and play with the baby all day long whilst he goes out and does a hard day's work...(you really don't want to know my response to that particular gem of a comment!) I think sometimes men completely underestimate what a great big smack in the chops (excuse the expression it's the only one I could think of right now) pregnancy and motherhood is for most women, I know we are supposed to take to it like a duck to water but IT IS hard work and regardless of how your baby entered the world I really pay no attention to men when they talk about child birth and the early days of parenthood (yes it isn't easy for them too seeing their partner in pain, feeling helpless, lack of sleep etc etc) but whatever they are feeling we feel it a million times more. That's just my opinion of course.

I felt completely out of my depth for at least the first 3 months of LO's birth, I swear motherhood for me was a v. steep learning curve, the lack of sleep and the constant tiredness doesn't help. It does get better though, I too felt very resentful towards my husband for most of those 3 months and felt completely unappreciated and under valued, I wanted to be pampered and treated like a princess for brining this new life into the world, a lot of tlc etc etc, it just didn't happen, I know some men do that, but a lot don't.

I would have a long chat with him but when you have both had some decent sleep - especially you. Is there anyone who can help with the baby to give you a break to get some sleep, or have a long bath - even a hour or two away can pay dividends in terms of your state of mind.

hugs

nightkd

He sounds like a twunt, but I'm actually amazed at how selfish some women's OH's sound on here....My DH would never say I had it easy because I got to stay home and play with a baby all day while he was at work!!!!

He has actually been doing EVERYTHING for me basically in the first tri (we've been at my mum's since I started feeling better, so I've been doing more stuff here!) and I don't think I'd ever come on here and say he wasn't doing enough to help out with the baby!

I'm incredibly lucky to have such a supportive and selfless OH it seems, I think he's just making the point that some guys do do EVERYTHING and after the pregnancy is over...that doesn't get remembered (of course it's not on the same scale as bearing and giving birth to the child!) whereas us women expect our OH's to praise us every day for getting through childbirth and giving them a baby and we complain when we don't feel appreciated whereas the guys tend to get on with it more!

The point that stands out to me most on OP's post is the part where her DH says that she had it easy in childbirth....whereas my DH seems to be concentrating more on the housework aspect...

Anyway, sorry to hijack slightly...I'm just shocked at some of the thoughtless comments some men seem to make! DH would have his balls in his throat if he dared say some of this stuff to me!

trinitydm

Thanks for the advice and stories everyone...it feels good to know that I'm not the only one that thinks I'm at least somewhat justified in what I'm feeling! I think one major factor is my lack of sleep and once that's improved a little bit, my mood will lighten up a little and I can actually open up a bit to DH without losing my cool.

Thanks again!

nightkd

Hope you get it figured out hun Sorry for posting so many words in your thread!!!

xxx