danny210583

hi all,

I knowing writing this it wont be appreciated on here and im sorry but if can help me out and guide me.

Right to start im a 26 yearl old male who has recently split from my ex fiancee Lucy (well to be precise just under 2 months) and the mother of my little gorgeous princess Ava -Grace

I had been with Lucy for just under 5 years. before lucy i had one serious relationship that lasted 6 monthd .i met lucy in club locally and were always together. I lived south of river and she lived north, so we would stay each others parents split half the week. we were so happy vey much in love vey rarely argued. in 2006 my dad commited sucide as he had depression. it was very bad tragic and emotional time. Lucy was great support but she had never had a family memeber die so the pain she could not feel. me and my dad got on ok but was not the ideal father, son relationship i always wanted. for instance i love my football but my dad would never watch me play. my mum was really my dad for me and my brother.

anyway back on with me and luce on a very stupid and drunken night soon after my dads death i kissed another girl. i dont know why my head was everywhere and was so pissed i couldnt really memeber it. its was pure stupidity. lucy got told of this and broke her heart. what had i done. i had hurt the person i loved and would die for. Lucy was heartbroken but after a long chat. she forgave me. months went by and the love was stronger than ever so in jan 2007 i proposed in ny. I wanted to be with this girl for the rest of my life. the only girl i could ever want. making her my wife would be the best thing in world.

things were still great and we would have few ows now and agin just like every couple. the one thing is we never went out much as a couple and with her mates. we were with other all the time.

in may 2008 we moved out in our own rented place south of the river. it was all coming together or i thought.

i can be bit lazy at times and not always did i do my fair share of house chores which caused arguements. These then became more common and as result i instead of coming home to talk and and discuss the prob i would go out with mates leaving Luce on her own. i do look and think now what a prick i was!

this was cause bigger rows and somethimes she would go home and sty with mum for couple of days. Lucy mum and dad really liked me and know im a good hard working chap, whos not a jack the lad and not loud.

My heart was being lost a bit for lucy coz of these rows. I sat and explained this and we both knew little changes had to be made

anyway august 2008 Lucy fell pregnant. we were full of mixed emotions as the relationship was bit rocky, and we were so young and very scared. We had holiday booked for thailand and we were going to decide on that hol what we wanted to do. we had decided i hate saying this could i never would ever think this ever again whatever situation i was in we were going to have termination. we both agreed. We got back and we were both against it. She went to abortion clinic on her own one day coz i didnt want her to go. We both agreed in a heart to heart we both wanted this baby and were going to make this such a great family. Iwas very scared and it was still sinking in im going to be a daddy now. im going to have to love and care for a little bundle of jy I had some money and made sure all lucys debts were paid coz didnt want to start family life with any debts so I lent her £7000 to clear these!

Months went by but things didnt change the rows kept happeneing so me going out and my love was fading till oct 08. I decided to say to luce, i still have love there but if i carry on the way we are i will end up hating and resenting her.she toke uopn herself to move out. i know from a neutal it looks like i kicked out and would never have done that but i think she thought was easier coz her parents lived noth of river. I hate that had come this and i do hate my self for breaking with her coz i broke her heart and my baby she was carrying inside. she hated me and rightfully so.

after breaking i was in a bubble, my own world as such where i was oblvious to what was going on around. i was going out weekends maybe to shut what my heart was saying and thats u did love lucy.i made sure i rang and text her everyday to make sure baby and her were ok

2 weeks after break up, in a bar with mates a girl chated me up. i had no paid any attention before to girls coz lucy was my love of my life and i would always make this clear. maybe in my my ego came in to effect and we chatted most of nigh. we kissed and more drinks were drank. we were in london but she lived near me. so we got cab back locally and she came to mine for another glass of wine. I knew everything was wrong and broke to this and explained the situation i still wanted Lucy. as was 5 in morn i said she could sleep in my bed and i would grab sofa. which did she left next morn but funny enough left her coat down side of bed. I dont dont wanna sound big headed but this girl did like me and i should have dropped that ego and told her from ov i still loved my ex. lucy came that day to chat that day and u guessed saw coat. i explained to lucy above but i know fro otsiders point of view but it god honest truth. i had had causedeven more pain

weeks went i phoned, emailed and phone to make sure her and baby were ok. We began to talk again.anyway months before breaking up i had organised a bday new mummys spa weekend for us. we agreed to go on it and it sorted started us seeing each other again. during this time she had also moved from he parents to her own rented place. This was end of november!

half way through december she said i need to move in otherwise there is no point. i had just taken a new lease on my flat south for 6 months coz i didnt want to rush things but looking back it was very stupid and selfish ov me. I had a baby coming in feb 09. feb 09 and our little princess was born. from Dec 08 - to when Ava grace was born i was over lucys new place 4-5 days of week. and when ava did come i moved permatally from south into lucys in essex.

It was the happisest days and most proudest day of my life. I was so proud of lucy we had this beautiful bundle of joy. i hated seeing lucy in such pain during pregnancy but she done so well.

We named out little girl Ava-Grace and would keep lucys surname which i admit werent happy with but could understand why she did she needed that trust again.

it was 1st time i had seen her mum since splitting in pregnancy but were all so happpy and there for lucy and ava.

me and lucy pplus our princess were all so happy but all very tired and just wanted to get home that night which we got too on way though we needed to pick up house keys from parents.which did, what i didnt expenct is her parents to come out screaminng shouting at me about me paying rent for flat etc. Thois was the 1st da ov our baby coming its the happiest day of our lives it felt spoilt. Im not a moneyaturey person and will make sure pay what ever alsong as there is roof over our head.i paid the rent as soon as moved in for whole flat for 6 months. I know why her parents done it its there little girl and they want to make she is all ok, i just think it could have been discussed few days later when we were all sorted. when the relationship started again it got back on track with parents but inway was till angry. i should have discussed my upset on what they did but i put it ov and me being very silly didnt go to fmaily meals coz it kept going round in head when saw them. very silly i know i should have been more grown up about it.

backs to me and luce the relationship was getting back on trek we showing ols signs of love and we had thi bundle of joy to have so much love too. duing 1st few months was difficult and i admit lucy did a lot more.she was a nautral mum she took to it so well. As dad i suppose iw as still in shoke i know have this gorgeous baby what do i do lol. i had only had to do stuff for myself for last 25 years. Iwa slearning each day

as say 1-4 months were great ok little rows nothing big just prob both very tired. Luce was on matenity and i was back at work after 1st 2 weeks. so tried to take inturns but luce would do majority. as ava got older 3-4 months i would do weekend feeds and lucy would do weekdays. i was still very scaed i didnt wanna bath ava coz i was scaed she would drown, i suppose i just felt do things wrong!

I loved my weekends coz it was my time with my family my time to play with ava.

May 09 one of my mates called on a hlliday away. I wish to this i never went. I have betiful little daughter why the do iwanna be going away with my mate. I did go and i missed thenm so much.

few weeks in coming back the rows were starting again the were petty and would esult in me going out. Trouble is i had little baby now unlike before. how selfish. why did i go coz i didnt wwnat to row. i would still get up with baby and play which i loved but prob with sore head. i would say on average we would have 2 massive rows a month. sometimes in that times i did neglect my resposibility and lucy would get up for the baby for me. i did help with baby but i know i could have helped a lot more.

from may 09 - sep 09 was like that but we would sort things trouble is there was no communication we wouldnt talk we need ed to speak about each others fault. i said we should se coucello but she refused, she said was my mums idea.

in july 09 we bought a house together. we had gone for other properties before but there alway had been prob so this was one. we took and morgage but not verbally agreed how much each of us was paying deposit. both both had cash so i just thought would be 50/50. anyway we came to the day of exchange in sept, lucy tells me she han't got all of her deposit, in which im talking over £10, 000.00. I did go angry it wsn't the fact she never had money it was the fact she left till exchange day to tell me. I said i didnt want nothing done till and agreement was drwn up. my money was coming from my dad inherintence so i was very scared and angry. i know what a dick i was and the only thing i should have thought was it was roof for ava-grace whichh is all the matters. i suppose in heat of moment i was so annoyed. we pulled out of house in end and separated.

Thats where we are today we split Oct09. i moved back with my mum in south and luce back to her mums noth of river. I knew i need to be near ava so i moved into a rented place near lucy. anything Ava or lucy wants i want to make sure im there can give to them.

Ava-Grace is my life she is all i live for from the moment i wake moment i sleep but so is Lucy. In the 2months we have split i have realised how much stupid irrespnsible and selfish i was.i love lucy from the bottom of my heart. Those two girl are my world and nothing else matters. im changing my life around being positive and making difference so I can be the best daddy there is on earth. i want her to say out loud this my daddy. I want the best relationship in world. I just to be there every step of way

At moment i see ava every sunday which i love its when im most happiest.

My changes will take time and i know things dont happpen over night, im just hoping it not to late for me and Lucy, coz more than anything in life all i want is that family, and know i had that 10 months ago i neglected that but never would ic ause that pain again

aliss

Hmm, that was a long read and a bit difficult (lots of extra info that just sort of confuses things TBH)

You both seem to be trying to force a relationship that really isn't working. You run away from your responsibility and then come back and try to make it up again. Lucy might be a patient girl, but how long do you expect a woman to put up with that? You say you are selfish and irresponsible, but words are just words You still take off when things get hard.

This is also not all your fault - she needs to put her foot down and say no more.

happynbubbly

If you still love her, tell her. For the sake of your daughter, just try to think of how your actions affect her and her mother, before you do them, not after. No one is perfect, but we can only all try our best. I really feel for you, and hope it can be helped.

Alexandra91

U do make a lot of excuses, start putting them into actions and if you love Lucy as much as you say you do i think you can make it work for the sake of your daughter..

Drazic<3

Hey,

I think you are being met with pretty harshly so far on here. We all make mistakes, I'm sure she has made them too. The fact that you want to correct them and change them and that you are there for your daughter is the important thing. Why don't you tell her how you feel? Talk to her? If there is a future between the two of you it is worth fighting for, for all your sakes.

danny210583

hi all

I take any feedback positively and on board. Maybe it was my prob months back i listened but never always took on what was being saiid.

When we broke my 1st concern was making sure Ava was all ok. I set up to pay as much physically possible in maintence, ialso made sure if she needed anything like new pram etc. At 1st first i moved back with mum which was bout 30 mins from ava. I really didnt have anywhere to go. Mums are great hey and she was so suportive but i knew i needed to be near ava so im now renting a place where im 10 mins down road. I now know im on all call if my ex fiancee calls.

Lucy requested i get solicitors letter so we had something set in stone to when i see ava. i did suggest can we not draw something up between us because the only people who gain are solicitors. She wanted the letter so i got one drawn which was quite reasonable. i requested to start i see ava evey other sunday round her parents place and every tuesday and thursday night between 6:30 - 9 as lucy has college that night so could bath and put to bed. after 2 letters i still have had no responde to this. I know she is not happy with weeknights coz she say her mum and dad would feel arkward with me in house on own which is fair enough.

Im seeing ava every sunday for 3-4 hours round her parents house where im allowed totake her out for hour. I did see her on wednesday night for 2 weeks but that stopped. I was bathing he one night and by accident a few suds got in her eyes. Ava really stated crying and i done everything a father i can do to calm her down. Lucy eneded up taking her in end to calm her. i felt terrible to see my blood in tears and to know it was to do with me but as people say accidents happen they cant be helped and ava didnt remember coz next time saw she was full excitment and giggles.

My brother and mum after 7 weeks got to see ava last week in coffee shop during my time. Lucy also attended. it was lovely.

Back to me and Luce when we broke i totally went the wrong about getting Luce to forgive me. I begged and acted desperate. I have now time to take in all my mistakes and wrong doings. Im changing and improving myself everyday for my daughter but also for me. Lucy knows i still Love her but she is vey angry and full of hate. I think she must still love me but will not show no emotion. She finds it hard to talk to me at moment it very one worded. All i can can do is show my change and show my world is my daughter. Do you think Lucy still loves and with time begin to trust love and want us agian?

Cupcakeangel

Hi there. I don't think anybody here could say what Lucy is feeling, but the two of you have a past and a future together because of your beautiful little girl. perhaps you could try and write down how you are feeling in a letter - let her see how much you care for them both and how you would love to try and be a proper family again. It takes two to make a relationship work and it sounds like there were faults on both sides. However, having a baby changes your perspective and changes what you need from a partner so I really think the two of you need to have a really honest chat about it - preferrably away from her parent's house, on neutral ground.

I think you are right to pursue the access issue in the meantime - perhaps you could take your daughter to your mum's house on a Sunday?
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, you sound like a father that loves his little girl and her mum and dearly wants to put right the previous wrongs.

aliss

Nobody knows, but it is the only way if the possibility exists. You need to show change (and not just for a month, but this could take years), in order for her to have any trust again. It depends on the woman. For some (like me), once that trust is gone, it is gone.

Sorry if we seem harsh on you, I'm sure there are many things that she does to contribute to problems, but we can only comment on one side really.

EmzyMathRuby

just wanted to say hugs x

MrHenry

Just do what you can do. Hang in there, Don't listen to the na-sayers. If you really love her, show her.