Kracker

Hiya all, I hope someone may have some words of wisdom to offer. To cut a very long story short, I don't speak to my sister and haven't for 3 years. She has recently had another baby and is staying at my Nan's this Christmas. My Nan has asked me if I am going to see the baby but I really don't know what to do or how to handle it. I don't think that the baby should miss out because it isn't his fault but I can't possibly see how I can have a relationship with him when I don't have one with his mother. Her 2 other children live with my mum and I have a good relationship with both of them. They will also notice if there is a problem as they are 12 and 6. I seriously don't know what to do, I don't want to build bridges with my sister, she makes me sick to my stomach to even look at her. I am at a total loss! Please help

sma1588

sorry hun i dont have much to say but i dont know what caused this but she is your sister and shes not going away and its just going to make things uncomfortable all the time with things like this, if theres a way to make things civil i would say thats ure best bet, u dont have to be best of friends but try to put the past behind. i dont know what else to say but i hope things work out

tracie107

I would go and see the baby. As you mentioned you have a relationship with her other children and it is only fair that you do the same with this little baby. As much as you dislike your sister just try with all your "might" to keep and remain civilised for the sake of the children concerned. Why should this baby miss out on getting to know you. If you happen to bump into your sister when visiting the baby so what! You are there for the baby not her!

Good Luck I am sure it will all work out for you. First and foremost, just go and see the baby if anything should happen between you and your sister after this then I am sure you will be able to deal it.

sarahhoney

I agree with the other girls, as tough as the relationship with your sister must be, it isn't this little ones fault.
Also if you have a good relationship with the other 2 children you don't want that bond to be broken.

Kracker

It centres around her drug abuse which led to the neglect of her children. It happened many times with each occassion having loads of support from her family to get 'well' again. As soon as the heat is off her she goes right back to it. She has abandoned her children and disapeared once for 2 years. My Mum has the eldest 2 but she has the new baby atm. It is also her attitude! She isn't sorry imo, she thinks its an illness and she can't help it so thats that. Even if she has had a long priod of being clean! She has completely taken advantage of everyone who has ever loved her. She makes me want to spit!!!!
I am probably a bit jealous aswell if I am honest, so that doesn't help.

Ash_P

If she has a previous problem with drug abuse, is there a chance that the youngest will be taken from her and put to ur mother with the older 2 children? If that was the case then u could have a relationship with the wee one?
Also if ur sister is unstable and maybe not the best mother in the world then (if i were in ur situation) that would make me more determined to be there as a good aunt and good support network for the LO as its not its fault that its mum is the way she is.
Could u possibly arrange visitation with ur mum or nan, that u could get to see the wee one a day a week while ur sister wasnt there?

I dont know if any of this is possible, I understand ur dislike towards ur sister, esp when u sit back and see the hurt and pain that has been caused in the past, so that would be perfect reason for u to be there for the children.
U dont need to see or be social to her, just see if theres a way u can see the kids when shes not about.

Sorry if this isnt much help, just didnt wanna read and run x

Kracker

She lives in London, and we are in the westcountry. She will be visiting while she is still 'well' about 3 times a year. They are not looking at talking the baby because for the 3rd time they are supporting her. Unfortunately this usually means that they keep an eye on her for 6-12 months then sign her off. She then goes back to drugs. The poop usually hits the fan when the lo's are about 2 and everyone has just realised that she has done it! I am hoping that I can see the baby away from her but understand that this may not be possible because she wont visit that much and the baby wont know us. If he is shy then he wont want to leave her. I am going to try though and hope the children don't pick up that I wont talk to her. I think there are more worthy parents!!! Thanks guys xx