alyxzandra

I posted a few months back about how awful my mother was to me and how upset I was about the situation. I posted about it here:
My mother and grandmother - GRRRRRR - LONG RANT

In February, I fell out with my mom for the last time because she called me a piece of sh*t. I never fell out with my grandmother and tried to make contact with her because I felt she was elderly and should be a bit more forgiving towards her.

However, I kept trying to call and could not get through to her. I also called her carer several times, but she would pick up the phone and did not seem to hear me and just kept saying, hello, hello? I am not on speaking terms with my mom and would not call her. As a last resort, I called a financial advisor that has known my grandmother for years and told him for months I was unable to get through to my grandmother. He told me that she had been in hospital for two months and was on oxygen 24 hours a day. He said he will try to find out where she was and get back to me via email.

But, what I found to be a bit strange was him asking me about questions about the family relationship. I told him I fell out with my mom and how she was abusive towards me. He is well aware that my mom and her husband are out for money and pretty much said it. I mentioned I was pregnant and he was taken aback. He asked if my grandmother knew I was pregnant and I told him yes and that my mother knew I was pregnant as well. He said neither of them mentioned this to him. He said he knew there was some dysfunction in the family, but did not know details. I now know why he was asking if I fell out with my grandmother and when I last spoke to her. It is because last June she changed her will. I have no idea why she did it. I saw her only 2 months before she changed it and everything was fine. And I spoke to her on a regular basis. So, I am in complete shock.

The advisor wrote me back last night and told me that my grandmother died of heart failure on Thursday morning and my mom called him. He said he also spoke to my grandmother's carer and he gave me details as to what happened. But here is the kicker: he then told me details (in the same email!!!) of the will changes. She left her flat to her carer (fully paid off) and gave 75% of her retirement accounts to the carer and 25% to me. The carer, by the way, was someone who was employed by my grandmother. He then told me there was a will, but I have been excluded and there is also a trust fund and I have been excluded from that, as well. Basically, the carer will get £60,000 and I will get about £12,000.

And now my mom, who I am sure had some influence in this, has made sure her husband will inherit from her a considerable sum of money. And to make matters worse, the trust fund was one my grandmother inherited from her aunt. This aunt adored me and left something for me, as well. I am certain if she knew what my grandmother planned she would have made sure things were different. My poor aunt must be rolling in her grave. Originally, I was due to inherit the retirement money, the trust fund would go to my mom and what was left over would go to me. The flat was to be sold and put into the trust fund.

All this time my mom professed that she "loved" me so much and wanted to be a part of the baby's life. Yet, she acted like a snake in the grass even before we had the argument in February. I did not know at the time 8 months earlier my grandmother changed everything to ensure I get only a slap in the face. And I know my mom had something to do with it.

What really upsets me is that I have been excluded from inheriting any family heirlooms. These are things that should be passed down to my child. I am an only child, so is my mom and so was my grandmother. Lucky enough, I have a few things to pass onto him.

A friend said that she believes the carer and my mom exercised undue influence on my grandmother, who was obviously quite ill at the time. I can believe my mom would do this because she tried to influence the will a few years back and used emotional blackmail to do it. But, the carer was being given heirlooms by my grandmother and would secretly pass it onto me.

I can contest it by hiring a lawyer in the U.S., but I am due to give birth on 26 July. Another part of me wants to say f*ck them and do not give me cursed money. I feel it was not given as an act of love, but spite. Another part of me says take the money and use it as trust for my son, but I feel like I do not want any part of it. The advisor is going to send me some paperwork, but I am going to say I do not wish to deal with it at this point of time due to giving birth. Besides, I am so terribly hurt. I did not deserve this or need such a thing to spoil the birth of my beloved son.

For some reason, my grandmother hated me. And my mom was jealous and hated me, as well. I have no idea what I should do...accept the money, contest everything, or what?

bexy_22

I'm sorry, i don't really know what to say, sorry to hear about your grandmother I hope you get it sorted, it seems like a spiteful thing to have done. Sorry I couldn't be more help x

ellasmummy

Oh babe i really dont know what to say. I just didnt feel like i could read and run. Hope things work out for you.


xx

sam's mum

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I am sure that she didn't hate you though - it's far more likely that she didn't really know what she was doing with regards to money towards the end, and trusted people who gave her some very bad advice when the will was changed.

Can you contest it after your son is born, or do you only have a certain amount of time to do it? It seems only right that you and your son should get something more, particularly the money that your aunt left for you. Hope everything works out for you x

Younglutonmum

Heya hunni

God this is kind of similar to a situation my family have been in TWICE now!!

When my grandad passed 15/16 years ago he owned 2 properties & a business. One property housed my Great Grandmother & the other housed my Grandmother, his wife. His will said that on his death he wished for my Great grandmother to remain in her house & that when she also passed on all proceeds from the house were to go to us 10 grandchildren. The other property was to remain as my Grand mothers & his business sold & the money entrusted to my Grand mother on the condition that when she passed on the house & all savings would be passed on to his 3 daughters (my mum & 2 aunties) his only niece & his elder brother. So when my Great Grandmother passed on us Grandchildren never got our money!! My Grand mother took my Great Nan to the solicitors & they changed her will saying the property would pass into my Grandmothers control NOT the Grandkids. So there went my inheritence!!

Now my Grandmother passed away April this year & as I said everything was to go to the 3 sisters, niece & uncle. All in all her estate totals around £500,000. Yet some dodgy playings have taken place & my mum has ended up with around £20,000.

Obviously she'e entitled to a hell of alot more & technically so are me & my cousins as we never got our inheritence that first time. My mum has decided to acceot the money, contesting it is just a hell of alot of hassel & although it's what she's due she just doen't feel it was worth the effort as it meant having somesort of connecting to one of ehr sisters. By accepting this money she's been able to move on with her life, not dwell & still have one of her sisters in her life

I'm not saying you should accept the money but just saying that contesting it could cause a hell of alot of heartache for you.

I also don't believe your Grand Mother hated you. Money is a massive motivator & you just don't know what has gone on behind your back. I'm sure my Great Grandmother wanted us Great Grandkids to have our inheritence but perhaps in her old age she was scared to argue with my Nan & just went along with changing her will??

alyxzandra

My grandmother was also abusive towards me. I do not believe what she did was due to bad advice, but a way to slap me in the face. She always told me how I was a bad child, etc. And she made fun of me when I went to university (with 2 scholarships!) and was always sarcastic...I do believe my mom pushed for it and my grandmother finally did it just to shut her up.

I am not sure about contesting it. To me, it is tainted and I should not have to fight for such a thing. My son will inherit from my dad and my fiance's parents as well as from us. I do feel the money from my aunt should have been passed down, though. I just do not know if I really want to deal with all this crap. And I do not know what to do with the money I am inheriting. I can always disinherit it.

Younglutonmum

The money that you are inheriting i'd say keep it. You may feel it's tainted but you just never know when it will come in handy.

As for the other money, well as I said my mum felt it was too much hassel fighting for it. After all it's just money. My mum has lost near enough £80,000 But as I said it's pure hassel!!! Like you pointed out your son has a secure financial future so it's not like by not contesting you'll be depriving him.

xxxx

alyxzandra

It is said money is the root of all evil. My fiance said he thinks even if I won it in a contested battle it would be bad money. And like you say, it is a lot of heartache. I can easily prove it as my mom is already a convicted felon for embezzling £105,000 from her former employer. He only received £30,000 compensation, so I am sure he may be interested to know she has more money in the pipeline.

My grandmother was very strong willed. Even to last year she had no problems with telling people to f*ck off, etc. She was such a cow that she could not keep a carer with her except this one. They all quit on her within a few days to the point the agencies refused to send more people. She also had no friends and was a bitter person. She had a thing against my dad and hated him with a passion. So, she took her anger towards him out on me. It is the reason why I did not call her for a while because everytime I heard about how horrible he was, why am I speaking to him, etc.

As for your situation - how awful! How can these people look themselves in the mirror and not see how terrible they are? I just do not get it, but then people who are honest do not resort to such tactics. At least your mother (and me) have a clear conscience and no feelings of guilt.

alyxzandra

I am leaning towards taking the money and using it for a trust fund for my son. As for what I've lost it is about £60,000 from the retirement fund and I believe there is close to £500,000 in the trust fund. My mom's husband is an alcoholic and drug addict. He is also a cross dresser who wishes to get an operation to become a woman. So, I am sure he will now get his wish.

I am more in agreement with your mom about not going through the hassle. Sometimes, karma takes out more of a toll.

Younglutonmum

As my mum always says 'What Goes Around Comes Around'

You can live your life guilt free knowing you always put your LO first whereas your mum will never know how that feels!! She may put on a front of believing what she is doing is righ but deep deep down she knows she's wrong & maybe one day will show some remorse but too little too late I say

xx