orange-sox

Hello everyone, me again *yawn*

I had to ask you all this, because it's getting on my nerves.

If any of you lived at home at my age (19) did you do everything in your house for no thanks at all? If you did... hats off to you, and at what point did you snap and lose it? If you didn't, what on earth is my mother playing at?!?

Basically, as you may or may not know, I am currently out of work (even longer story than this, but it wasn't like I just didn't bother to go) so therefore I don't really have the money to rent somewhere, therefore my OH and I are living with my dreaded mother. Wouldn't be so bad if we were getting some sort of financial break.

We currently pay £300 a month, plus bills to my mother (not much I know, but I don't have any money, and OH's business is struggling (money wise... in a client sense it is thriving!!) to the point he is lucky to make a profit of more than £500 (this being after his expenses which at the moment include renting an office because we don't have anywhere to run the business from here - imo that money would be better spent on somewhere cheaper for us to live and run it from considering we'd have the £300 plus bills we're paying to my mother, plus the ridiculous amount he's spending on offices), we knew this would happen at first, but I was supporting us. He's also doing his training to become a driving instructor, so once that is done we will be in a much better position )

On top of the £300, I do all the washing, all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the ironing, stand in queues for hours on end to pay my mums bills, I make her lunch for work, get her clothes ready, make her breakfast for her before she goes, have the dinner on the table when she gets in, fill her car with diesel, do all the shopping... basically if I wasn't here she would waste away.

Tonight we had a slightly more heated argument than we usually do, in that she threw a plate at my head, and then blamed me for it smashing because I should of caught it...

The exact words to come from her mouth were "You should think yourself lucky that I am letting you stay here for a pittance, you don't even do anything"

I am at my fucking wits end with her!

Under normal circumstances I would just leave and live in a tent rather than this rubbish, but she's emotionally blackmailing me, saying she'll kill herself if I leave... basically because I am back she thinks I'm staying forever.

So riddle me this BnBers, how do I get myself out of the eternal cesspool of grief?

Edited to add a few details that some people might find relevant

leedsforever

wish I had an answer hun... i really do!! maybe you should sit her down and explain what you do do.....!! You need to explain to her you are growing up and will soon be leaving!!

My sis thinks shes hard up... she gives my mum £80 a month and her bf stays most nights!! She can be so selfish sometimes doesnt appreciate this!! And she doesnt do all those chores like you do!! You should be proud of yourself!!

When I was 19 I lived at home and paid nothing (cos i was a student)!! But I didnt do any chores and my mum always cooked my dinners etc!! Prob took her for granted a bit!! I feel bad now !!

Hope things work out

Younglutonmum

I really don't know what to say but like Leedsforever said maybe you could sit her down & have a chat with her when she's in a good mood??

It must be hard for you

Sorry I can't advise anymore



xXx

leeanne

I don't have any advice honey, but sending you hugs. Sounds like a tough situation!

Elli21

My mum was like this with me...but i was only 17...after me and hubs got married and had leigha we stayed there for 6 months. I would do housework etc, and then get told id done nothing. Also, she'd tell me i was a bad mum and bad wife.
In the end i had had enough!
Sometimes hun, as hard as it is, you have to put yourself first, your mum is her own responsiblilty. I know that that sounds really harsh but its true, you cant go on living your life like you are.
And smashing a plate nr your head, im sorry, but i woulda flipped out. Fuck that!!

I know how you feel and i know that parents seem to have an invisible hold over us, but break free, get her counsilling, tell her to help herself as your not doing it anymore.

i hope things get better for you xx

Sparky0207

God this is a tough one hun.

Definitely sit down and have a chat with her, if you feel you can. There is no way you should be running around after her like you are. I was 18 when I moved out but prior to that I gave my mum £200 a month and did my own washing, ironing, cooking etc but didnt do an awful lot for her!

You cant carry on the way you are and like Elli said, you need to put yourself first. Its really not fair of your mum to emotionally blackmail you in the way that she is.

Hope it gets sorted for you soon hun

How long is it til your OH finishes his driving instructor training?
xx

orange-sox

As long as it takes him to pass, I'd say it's gonna take him another 5 or 6 months, but I have told him to get his butt in gear and get done.

I have applied for my usual batch of about a million jobs this week, but there's a few I am possibly hopeful about... as long as I have a permanent job then I can secure us a tenancy... anything at this rate.

Thanks for your replies girls, I know no one has the answers in this kind of situation, but I just needed to get it all out.

I have had many a chat with her, but it's always the same answer - "my mother would've never put up with the shit I let you get away with, yada yada yada." (I know for a fact that if my Gran was still alive she'd have given her a slap around the face, told her to grow up and let me live my own life)

There's no reasoning with this woman, this morning she even said "Seeing as though we are getting along so well, I don't think you should even consider leaving me until you're about 30, and then we can get somewhere with a granny flat for me" FUCK THAT (sorry for the language but seriously?!?!)

nikky0907

Maybe explain to her that you and your OH are going to be trying for a family soon and that this is only a TEMPORARY situation.

I think that it's not fair that you do so much.And you pay a lot to her! I mean,it's not something enough for renting but it's a pretty high price!
I mean,she should understand that you guys are supposed to save money.

If she treats you like someone she rents,then you treat her like a landlady...We'll see how she'll like that.

Elli21

Have you applied for fast food restaurants, they r always looking for staff??? I know its not glamourous but its got us out of fixes!

orange-sox

Yeah funnily enough I got turned down for a position at mcdonalds, oh the shame... I have a feeling it's not because I of my qualifications, but in my area, a lot of job offers are based on ethnicity, not fair, but a fact of life.