anita665

Yesterday I had a bad day with Pierre. I don't know what had got into him but he woke at 5am and for the rest of the day didn't sleep for longer than half and hour at a time. He was feeding more frequently too but not finishing his bottles and he wouldn't let me put him down.

On top of this OH had lost a book which meant a lot to him so he was in a bad mood all day. Every time I got a moment (which wasn't often) I was trying to find his book too.

By about 10pm I was soooo tired. I tried taking Pierre down to the kitchen to listen to the extraction fan as usual because it normally sends him to sleep but it didn't work. He was still screaming and getting more and more hyped up. Then I went upstairs in tears because I was so desperate for a break. I didn't know what else to do but after a day of this I was really tired and I'd had 6 hours sleep in 48 hours.

For a moment I sat on the chair crying with him and then I pulled myself together and got him a bottle which he wouldn't take. So next I changed his nappy.

At that moment OH came upstairs looking pissed off, to see why he was still screaming. Thats when he saw a few spots of blood on Pierre's top. I realised it was coming from his mouth and he had a little scratch on his gum. OH picked him up, gave me an evil look and look him downstairs.

I knew he thought I'd hurt him and I phoned my nan, not sure who else to turn to. By this point I was in floods of tears. Nan said he had probably put his fingers in his mouth and scratched himself.

I went down and told OH & said "you think I hurt him don't you" and he said he didn't see how else it could have happened.

About 20 mins later I tried to calmly talk to him. I told him I didn't hurt Pierre and never would or could. I said I needed his support - not to be critisized all the time but he just snapped at me saying he does support me.

OH is always questioning everything I do. When I feed Pierre at night he says I'm letting him swallow too much air, why am I using a bottle not breast feeding, I'm burping him too hard and hurting him, I'm holding his wrong.... it's constant and it makes me feel like he doesn't trust me to look after my own baby.

I told him this and that it really upset me but he said he doesn't think I know what I'm doing. That really hurt. Even if you get the odd thing wrong (which I guess everyone does), it means the world to have someone encourage you and say you're doing a good job but he never tells me that. Instead he makes me feel like I'm useless.

He told me breast feed him but I said I didn't ave enough milk since I'd breast fed not that long ago so he told me toget a bottle. I brought the bottle to him and he told me it was too hot and to cool it down. I explained to him that Pierre likes his bottles above body temperature but it's not so hot that it will burn but he didn't listen.

Then he told me to run him a bath which I did but again he had a go at me, saying it was too hot.

Eventually he took Pierre and told me to go to bed. I did and when OH came to bed with LO he slept 4 hours, woke for a feed and when I put him down he settled himself and slept another 4 hours so I guess he'd really tired himself out!! It's the most sleep I've had in ages!!!!

I don't know what to do about OH now though. At first I thought screw him - I do know what I'm doing but now I'm not so sure. He's so cold towards me at the moment and has been for a couple of weeks now. I've asked him several times if everything is ok between us and he says it is & he's just tired from work.

When I say I love him he just mumbles it back. Maybe I'm reading too much into it though. I love him and I'm really scared out relationship is breaking down. I don't know how to deal with him.

clairebear

Ah to u hun having a new baby must be so draining emotionally and physically.
as for OH accusing u of harming ur own baby i dont know what to say but remember u know u never did anything to ur baby and OH should realise that to. U both love ur baby and a crying baby can be a strain on anyone hope everything is ok today xx

Wobbles

I'd be in a right state with 6 hours in 48 hours! You poor thing

As for the cut on the gum what your nan said is more than likely right Caitlin has done this 3 or 4 times I recall the first time I was horrified! What a horrible thing to say!

Mum & Dad have their own nacks me & SC certainly don't do things the same ways sometimes we take in how the other will do something and maybe try it but thats not always at all & yes we all make mistakes FFs hun I dropped my Caitlin down the stairs biggest one I've made although not a mistake more an accident I did not do that on purpose I was distraut!

It sounds like hes pressuring you to breastfeed? One thing that will put you off ...imo! you need to feel comfy about it. My OH wanted me to breastfeed and because he brought this up alot I didn't feel comfy then I did and she never took to my boob although I tried when I got home again I hate pressure (not him at this point just generally).

Why can't he make the bottle, run the bath along side holding his son - thats what you do right?

Maybe hes finding adapting to parenting hard which is normal for Mum &/or Dad but from what you have said this is just awful & you just don't need it Its certainly not fair to put you down as a Mum thats just terrible *hugs*

I don't want to throw and advice outt as only you will know your relationship but I hope things pick up soon one way or other x

anita665

I do still breastfeed sometimes but I had to use formula too because I got very ill and couldn't keep up with him or get enough sleep to recover so now I don't produce enough milk to breastfeed alone. OH doesn't understand that it isn't easy to build the supply back up.

bexy_22

Oh hun, what an awful thing to be accused of He obviously doesn't understand the strain you're under. If he thinks you're bottles aren't good enough then he should make them himself!
sorr you have to go through this extra stress, hope it resolves itself soon x

GemGems

Reading this has really upset me. It must be awful being accused og harming your child, especially by your OH!! What gives him the right to be moody at you just because he's stressed from work?? You're stressed at home but you dont take it out on him! I'm sorry but people like that really bug me.

Maybe you could go and stay at your parents or a friends for a few days? If he askes why, just say that you're sick of him scowling and dictating to you and not supporting you properly. And you especially dont appreciate being accused of harming your child! If he doesn't believe you didn't harm Pierre then, i'm sorry, but if that was me, i'd seriously reconsider my relationship.

Hope things work out for you. xxxxxxxxxx

leeanne

Gosh, honey, I am sorry that you are going through this. First babies are the most wonderful thing in the world, yet, it's tough to also be a first-time mom and dad and it is a huge adaption.

If I recall, my first was tough on OH and I and it took a long time to get back to normal again - like when my second was 5 months old.

The only thing I can suggest is keep trying with the lines of communication and I truly hope things improve for you soon!

armychicmkm

Big hon. It's really crap that your OH is treating you like this. He should NEVER accuse you of trying to hurt your baby. Little things are always going to happen and they're nobody's fault. I think it's great that your OH is protective of his son and obviously cares for him very much. Maybe the two of you can get a day alone and air out some issues?

Suz

Im sure having a new baby in the house adds alot of stress with lack of sleep and adjusting to all this.

Im not one to let anyone talk down to me so im probably not one that is good with advice because if my hubby ever talked or treated me like that well Id just tell him to F off... But that would probably just agravate things.... I would try not to read too much into things. Just keep reminding yourself that you are a good mom and you are doing everything for your son. Everything is so new and it will all come together. We are all here for you and know that your are a good mom and would never do anything to your son.

AquaDementia

I can somewhat relate to what you posted Anita because my stupid husband is so overprotective of Mia and sometimes he thinks I am not doing things the right way with her.
When we were going to the dr for her weighings he wouldn't even let me pick her up and undress her and he would do everything himslef. I finally told him one day to back off because I am not an idiot and know how to handle my baby.

Another time I was warming her bottle and he asked if I had put cold water to warm it up for her? Are you kidding me? Cold water?

He sometimes does these little condescending comments, but I don't take any shit now and every time he does something wrong with her I point it out loud and clear.

Remember you gave birth to your son and went through the horror of bleeding afterwards, and you know what is best for your chidl.

Men are so delusional.