doumauk

Well to cut a long story short a close member of my family who I live with is an alcoholic, well she wont admit it but anyone who has to drink every night into a state of being so drunk she cant talk or know the time and goes to the fridge first before even saying hello to anyone after work, is an alcoholic in my opinion.
We also live with my sister and my 14 week old nephew. This family member insists on feeding and holding him when she is absolutely out of it and it absolutely makes my blood boil. Take yesterday for instance my sister asked me to watch him while she went for a bath. He was ready for a bottle and she came into the room and jumped on the bed where he was lying next to me, nearly falling on him and hitting me in my bump. I could smell the alcohol a mile off and she was breathing in his face and kissing him and hugging him really tight. She then took him into bed with her and said get his bottle. I said you shouldnt be doing that in that state and she said what state? Im not drunk. Says she who could hardly talk, walk and keep her trousers up. So seeing as hes not my son I said right fine. He wouldnt settle with her so she shouted me to get him.

My blood was absolutely boiling and I basically shouted at her saying that until she can control her drinking and admit she has a problem, she will not be welcome to even come near my son when shes not sober.

Am I being unreasonable saying that she wont be allowed near him when shes in that state, I told my dad what I said to her and he basically wont talk to her because he doesnt like rocking the boat.

I feel so angry with her because she is purely putting the drink before our babies and I see her as being so sad and pathetic. Maybe im being harsh.
Just dont know what to do

sam's mum

I don't think you're being harsh at all - I wouldn't let anyone who was drunk anywhere near my son! My husband had a night out when Sam was a week old and had a few drinks (was still sober enough to hold a decent conversation!) and I wouldn't even have let him hold him then if he'd asked to!

If she does continue to get drunk around the babies I think it's perfectly reasonable of you not to let her anywhere near them until she sobers up - while she might think they're safe with her, it's not worth putting them at risk. I'm surprised she isn't prepared to make sure she's in a fit state to enjoy looking after them and spending time with them - I know how difficult it is to admit having an alcohol problem and how tough it can be to give it up, but maybe having the babies around and not being allowed to hold them while she's drunk will give her the incentive she needs to get some help. Hope everything works out for you x

Freya

O that's bad, that's really bad. You are NOT unreasonable. Is your sister (mum to your nephew) aware of the situation and can you talk to her about you worries of what she may do/what might happen when your relative has had a drink? Maybe she can be more vigilent with her son???

There's no doubt that your relative has a problem and needs to get it sorted for her own sake - but it sounds like she's not ready to do that!

It's tough a tough one. I suspect it wont be long before you say something to her, you wont be able to help it!!! Selfish madam. She's free to destroy her own life but she needs to stay away from the children if she wont get help.

Good luck!!! xxx

Mamafy

No you are absolutely right! But I would tell her that when shes sober because it wont sink in when shes drunk. There is no way on this earth I would let anyone hold one of my babies when drinking and thats anyone, be it husband (although mine doesnt drink), brother, mother, sister you name it, its just not happening and I would tell her that her behaviour is putting the baby in the house at risk. If I was the one who owned the house she'd be out of there I'm afraid.

hun, its put you in a difficult situation I'll bet.

lorrilou

no way are u being unreasonable. My mum has had a very long battle with alcohol, not drinking everyday but when she would have a drink she would get so drunk that on a few occasions we've had to call for ambulances for her. Anyway i have told her on many occasions that she would not be able to see my kids until she sorts herself out. Luckily she's never had a drink for a year or two now.

you have to put your kids first at the end of day.

doumauk

Thank you for all your replies.

Me and my sister have told her on many occasions. The alcoholic is my mum by the way but I hate to refer to her as my mum because she is a disgrace. We have supported her and tried to help but she wont take it and really doesnt see what shes doing is wrong.

We constantly tell her to keep away from the baby when shes drunk but she makes out that she cant hear. Arghhh it makes me so angry even thinking of it. Im having to live with them for now because I have just come back from abroad to have my baby. I know its her house but it isnt hard to have a little bit of respect for our feelings like we do hers. Im just worried that when my son does arrive she will totally ignore my wishes. My husband and me both dont want my son to grow up seeing his nana in that state. So im faced with if you dont sober up so I dont want you in my sons life or mine. It is really hard.
Ill just have to grin and bare it until im away again I guess

tb42

Don't rock the boat , Just turn it over I wouldn't like any drunk person next to my baby never mind holding or hugging. She obvioulsy has drinking problem. Why she has to drink everyday?
Not sure what to say but hope everything will get better soon

doumauk

She started drinking when a relative was killed suddenly and so young 2 years ago now. Its gradually got worse. We were all shocked and upset but life goes on and you have to make the most of your life. We all went through it and yes its hard but you have to be strong not turn to drink and slowly kill yourself. I think what makes it worse is I dont drink so I can notice the effects it has on her more. To be honest ive said my piece and shes not willing to listen. Im 29 weeks pregnant now and all I care about is having my son and being the best mum I can possibly be. I havnt got the energy to fight with her anymore. Ive tried my best to help and be there but there is only so many times I can offer to help and be turned away. If she wants to drink herself into an early grave, because she will, then what can I do?

Thank you all for your replies

Mamafy

my mum is an alcoholic too so I know where you're coming from and the only way she gave up was because she was hospilised for double pneumonia and liver damage, she was killing herself and she wouldnt listen to us at all. Shes been clean for 2 years

doumauk

Im so glad your mum has come out of it the other end. It takes alot of hard work and guts. I just hope thats th outcome for mine too